From Zamzama to Jalala

Just think. That family fleeing Swat, Buner or Dir could be yours darling. Ok I know it would be better, and certainly less heavily, dressed for the occasion. And I know Tinku is a lazy slob who hates going out without his Prado and that I NEVER miss that Nabeela appointment come what may. But there comes a time in the life of every man, woman and child when a decision, however traumatic, has to be made.

Even if your child's future at Grammar School is jeopardised.

And just think of the decisions you must make. I mean, do you take your cat who has travel sickness? Will there be tuna cat food available? Do you trust your maid with your wardrobe key and your chowkidar with the booze cupboard?

Well given that the Taliban are now approaching Ch Khaliquzzaman Road, I think there is no time to think. I hate being forced to wear stuff I don't like and Tinku prefers his French beard to other facial hair. And having to surrender our 42 inch HD flat screen Sony to some rude idiot is too horrible to contemplate.

So it's time to leave for Badin, which my cousin who has lands nearby assures me is quite safe. He tells me the locals are quite sufi so I suppose they won't be too hostile. Someone just set up a tentage village there, which I am assured, is quite particular about its admission policy. I hear a Sindh club membership card helps a lot here, so whatever you do don't forget that.

Given that we just donated 100 plastic water coolers, 150 lotas 300 bars of Lifebuoy soap to the Jalala lot at the office, can I just make a small appeal for the Badin camp where people like you and me are going to be? No lotas, water coolers and cheap soap please. Here are some quick tips on what you could donate:

For Her

Good sun block
Shades (would hate to be recognised on Dawn News queuing for the loo)
Fat free milk (soya for the vegans among us)
Some trashy bestsellers and lots of film magazines
The pill (might get romantic in that tent )

For Him

Chargers for i-phones and Blackberries (Shit, I always bloody forget it)
I-pods. Preferably loaded (no Bollywood numbers please)
USBs for laptops (PC and Mac)
Swiss knives (yar the bloody things have EVERYTHING)
Hip flasks (who knows, might bump into a bootlegger)
Condoms (you never know, there might be a hot babe in the tent next door)

Anything I have forgotten? Please let me know.