Monday, June 15, 2009

Kayani Channeling Shakespeare?

"General Kayani takes Ariel view of operation Rah-e-Rast"

You can imagine my surprise when I saw this poetic heading in The News. I mean, who would ever have thought that literary demons lurked inside our chief of army staff? And that too of such a Tempest-uous nature?

Of course, nothing of the sort was actually true. The excited click-through yielded only the most banal of news items about F-16 trips over Swat and the like. Chalk one more up to the unerringly jaahil sub-editors and worse proof-readers who still can't spell aerial...

But it got me thinking: what if this heading were true? What if, in the middle of the "fight for Pakistan's survival" and the drive to "uproot militancy from the country", COAS Ashfaq Pervez Kayani were, in fact, channeling Shakespeare? What if, he were taking an "Ariel view of Operation Rah-e-Rast?"

Would he be saying to the public still ambivalent about the Taliban: "If of life you keep a care,/ Shake off slumber, and beware:/ Awake, awake!"

Or in an address to the jawans: "While you here do snoring lie/ Open-eyed conspiracy/ His time doth take."

He could even send out a message to Baitullah Mehsud: "Being most unfit to live. I have made you mad;/And even with such-like valour men hang and drown/ Their proper selves."

Of course, he could also express the army's abiding distrust of politicians thus: "Before you can say 'come' and 'go',/ And breathe twice and cry 'so, so,'/ Each one, tripping on his toe,/ Will be here with mop and mow."

Please feel free to add more Ariel quotes at leisure. May Pakistan Prospero.


khabardrama said...

Stunned admirers of the wit and wisdom of cafepyala now have something else to cheer about. Their favourite blog can now officially look into the future. That, at least, is the conclusion that can be drawn from reading the Kyani/Tempest post.
The story referred to in this, admittedly funny, post was actually printed in the newspaper a day after it was posted here. Unfortunately, the spelling of that word in the paper the next day was (disappointingly, I admit) not Shakespearean after all, as confirmed by quick phone calls to all the three cities from where The News appears.
But the mystery has been solved. The News may be guilty of many other sins (Ahmed Qureishi and Ansar Abbasi in khalifa mode are just two that come immediately to mind) but the actual culprit in this case was not The News itself but whoever looks after updates on its website which, helpfully, appear immediately after a story breaks. Seems to be the same guy who does the unintentionally hilarious Geo tickers in English btw.
Meanwhile, do you think Kayani had a Miranda before going the 'ariel' route? And is he by any chance on a mission to hunt down the Caliban?

XYZ said...

Hahaha khabardrama, I guess one good pun deserves another (or two)! But your assiduous defence of the desk notwithstanding, for the vast multitudes (or 37 people, depending on your perspective) accessing The News over the net, surely the net updater / Geo ticker guy IS the face of the paper, no? In any case, point duly noted. Maulana Ferdinand and the Tehrike Tempest Pakistan may only be a figment of our fertile imaginations....