Shoania Moania - III

How's this for the most unconsciously hilarious and ironic assertion in a news report?

In a report today in The News about Shoaib Malik and Sania Mirza now looking to cash in on their media coverage ala Hollywood celebrities, reporter Adnan Rashid writes:

"It appears the marriage is more like a business contract, as both have barred the media from coverage of their wedding functions. Some believe all this is being done to capture the attention of the advertisement agencies of India and Pakistan, and to exploit the situation for minting money."

How very uncharitable of them! Completely unlike the media, of course, who have been giving them all this coverage without caring a whit for viewership ratings or advertising revenue from special programmes focused entirely on them... I mean, how cold and callous and businesslike can you get? After all, it was only the public's right to know that led to breaking news about them being issued boarding cards, their bag being lost (and found) or the following piece of investigative journalism in the face of mortal danger as detailed in the same report:

"Security officials snatched the camera of a Geo Television cameraperson when he was trying to shoot the gym where Sania and Shoaib were present."

After all, we need to know how much sweat is produced by the two. Or whether the country's bahu exercises in shorts or a tracksuit.

But you know,  this report does make me wonder about what's about to come next. Either Jang Group head honcho Mir Shakilur Rahman will take out his cheque book and pony up the three to five crores reportedly being demanded by the newly wedded for exclusive coverage of their valima etc, in which case we are in for more nauseating spot coverage that milks 'Shoania' for all it's (not) worth. Alternatively, Mirza and Malik better duck for cover, because as Asif Zardari can well tell them, there's nothing like the wrath of a Geo spurned. An inkling of this is contained in the report itself:

"As Sania had lost her international ranking and Shoaib banned and fined Rs2 million by the Pakistan Cricket Board, they are looking for opportunities to make money one way or the other, some critics commented."

And what a fall that would be: from media darlings to media villains, all before the honeymoon even commences.