Friday, March 26, 2010

Two Twits Down, One To Go

This has really been a good week in some respects.

First there was news about wankmeister Zaid Zaman Hamid's long overdue comeuppance, initially at the hands of students in Peshawar and finally with a cartoonish flop show on 23rd March in Lahore. This is how Nadeem Farooq Paracha blogged about it on Dawn's website:


"For months the Zaid Hamid brigade had been congesting cyber space and the two TV channels that the haughty ideological quack is a regular fixture on, with promises of holding a ‘massive gathering of youth’ at the Minar-e-Pakistan on this year’s Pakistan Day (23rd March).
However, the no-show by Zaid and his fans at the Minar-e-Pakistan suggests the long honeymoon Mr. Hamid had been enjoying may be as good as over.
He simply failed to reach the Minar-e-Pakistan, not because he had a massive body of passionate young men with him chanting for his caliphate, but mainly due to him chickening out in the face of an announcement made by a radical Islamist group that recently named him in a police FIR for murder.
Perturbed  the articulate (but not very accurate) TV ideologue decided to hold his ‘historic’ rally at Lahore’s spacious Alhamra amphitheatre.
A man who likes posing in (passé) revolutionary attire and who it seems is always ready to pick up a Stinger missile and boldly cross into India and take-over Delhi, decided to quietly escape being at a venue where presence of a fringe group was expected.
So, the following message was fired by the man on the 23rd March: “Alhamdulillah, for tactical reasons, the venue for Takmeel e Pakistan has now been shifted to Alhamra Open Air Theatre adjacent to Gaddafi Stadium. Insha’Allah it is going to be an emotionally charged ideological, historical, earth-shaking event. Spread the message to your friends. Each one of you please do bring along a sabz hilali parcham. Be there by 3:30 p.m. Insha’Allah. PAKISTAN ZINDABAD! ONWARDS TO TAKMEEL E PAKISTAN! See you there Insha’Allah!”
Now that we know what the ‘tactical reason’ was for the sudden change of venue, what happened next was even more ‘earth shaking.’ No-one turned up.
Reports coming in from those who did decide to go, suggest that there were hardly a hundred Hamid fans present there. Funnier still was the fact that the Alhamra Hall was booked on urgent basis (by Hamid and co.) not as a venue for a rally, but for an ‘urgent marriage ceremony’!
So what happened? A figurative divorce of sorts."


You can see for yourself the "earth-shaking" event at the Alhamra:








And then today we've had news that the incompetent and afflicted-with-verbal-diarrhoea Mr Jamshed Dasti (of the Muzaffargarh PPP and chairman of the National Assembly's Standing Committee on Sports) has been forced to resign from the National Assembly after his Master's degree in Islamiat was adjudged to be fake by the Supreme Court.

The details of Mr Dasti's humiliation are rather tantalizing. Asked a series of questions by the Supreme Court hearing the challenge to his credentials, Mr Dasti managed to make even the justices cringe. Asked what were the subjects he studied for his degree and which year his degree was awarded, Mr. Dasti expressed complete ignorance. He was then asked to name the first 15 chapters of the Quran - he could not. Asked to name the first 5, he again could not. Finally asked to name at least the first and second, he replied that they were "Alhamd Sharif" (it's actually called "Sura-e-Fateha") and "Sura-e-Aal-e-Imran" (it's actually Sura-e-Baqrah, Aal-e-Imran is the third). Now, I doubt most people could name the first 15 chapters in exact order but keep in mind that the man supposedly had an MA in Islamiat. He was also asked how much 4 times 2 is, which he also apparently got wrong. After the Chief Justice told him to rethink his defence, he asked for time and ran away from the court only to have his lawyer come back and tell the court that he had submitted his resignation from the parliament.

Dasti lords his incompetence over others (Source: APP)

But dheet that he is, he still had the temerity to appear on Geo News to sheepishly say that he accepted the court's verdict and that he put his faith in God. I think his actual words were "Allah khair karay ga" (God will make everything all right). Do recall that this is the man who used to breathe fire and brimstone from the pulpit of the Sports Committee and fling around allegations like nobody's business. So not only is he a fraudster and incredibly stupid, he is also unrepentantly macho. The combination boggles the mind.

But he is not the only one who has been caught out faking his credentials. At least 3 other parliamentarians from the Punjab have resigned in the face of similar humiliation. Personally, I see no reason why this should be the end of the matter. Firstly, what about the two years' worth of salaries, allowances and perks they have managed to wangle from the people of Pakistan? The least that should be done is for these amounts to be recovered from them. But equally importantly, why should resignation from parliament be the end-all for them? They have knowingly defrauded the state of Pakistan, subverted the electoral will of the people and denied the legitimate candidates who stood against them. Even if this does not fall within the ambit of high treason, a stint of jail time is the least they should now enjoy.

You know what would make it a perfect week? If someone took a shoe to another fake fraudster, Mr Hardilazeez Twit himself.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yea, earth shaking alright. :) There is news also of droves of his fans leaving Zaid. Btw, so has his wife!

kona berwalla said...

Ahh!! Some respite. There is some justice in this world after all.

nayyares said...

ufff, i am worried "Zaid Hamid ka Amir-ul-Momineen baney ka khawab kahin adhora na rehjaye".

XYZ, are you sure the parliament members who holds original degrees can answer same questions asked from Dasti? 4 times 2 is too tough for even King Zardari ;)

Bolshevik said...

Judge: Aap ney quran ki konsi tafseer parhee hai?
Dasti: Hazrat Musa waali.

Seriously. In the end, Dasti ran off and filed a resignation, dasti-dasti. :-P

As a matter of principle though, I hate this law which says that people cannot run for office unless they hold at least an undergrad degree. In a country with a literary rate as spectacular as ours, this law is extremely unfair -- it marginalises the already-marginalised (as well as people like me, who're college dropouts and haters of academic education :-P).

This law assumes, at least in theory, that people without college degrees are incompetent fucks who should be kept "out" of the system. There were two flaws in this assumption: one, the standard of education in Pakwatan ensures that many with college degrees are more incompetent than many without; two, it is not very difficult to bypass this restriction by buying fake degrees -- "sab sey baraa rupaiyya" and all that jazz. Thus we end up having to vote for supremely incompetent fucks in order to keep the GHQ waaley morons at bay.

At the end of the day, all this law does is ensure that tribal chiefs and "urban feudals" remain in power.

In Dasti's case, however, petty Schadenfreude overruled my principles. :-P

XYZ said...

@Bolshevik: I can't believe I actually forgot the punchline to the whole question-answer saga! Yes, the Hazrat Moosa wali tafseer was the real clincher.

And yes, I completely agree with you regarding the farcical graduate degree rule (as if that has made any of the parliaments since it was instituted any better than the ones before them). My issue is only with people willing to use deception, fraud and patently illegal means to realize their ambitions and more so with people who have no shame about it.

Anonymous said...

very nice post xyz

Bolshevik said...

@ XYZ:

Agreed. It would be awesome if this law were repealed, but moronic regulations tend to stick around in Mamlikat Khudadad Pakistan (case in point: aadhi gawahi for women, the blasphemy law, etc).

Leikin as long as this degree requirement stays, I have double standards regarding its implementation. See, I oppose tribal chiefs and urban feudals who get fake degrees to contest elections, and I rejoice when their fraud is discovered and they're sent packing, at the very least (I'd rejoice even more if they were made to *really* pay for it). If a peasant or an industrial worker got a fake degree to be able to contest elections, however, I would back her or him -- level playing field in a dirty game.

tlw said...

aadhi gawahi

When are we getting rid of that one?

I thought Mushy was the last chance for that, but if this parliament sprang out the NFC award, the Gilgit-Baltistan election, and a nU constitutional amendments package (God that word is getting old) maybe we'll be surprised.

Memo to women: start agitating
Memo to men: Start agitating before the women.

tlw said...

Oh and Bolshevik, nice to see you around Uzi. This is that guy you called a brat three years ago on the ol' NFP community back in Orkut.

@ XYZ thanks for giving NFP a due. But I think now that he's got Dawn as a pulpit, he should be somewhat happy.

Anonymous said...

There is no doubt about NFP's contribution, first as a popular music critic and now as a front-line critic of religious contradictions in the Pakistani society. His wit, sarcasm and consistency has been great for those who uphold secular values and his boldness in talking about things which many of us would rather keep in our drawing rooms, BUT!

The problem with NFP is that he is a bit too obvious about his support for the PPP and MQM. He has every right to support them, but sometimes he simply fails to see any flaws in them.

Secondly, though his articles have done wonders for DAWN, but I, for one, knows that he gets away by saying things others would not be allowed because he is a drinking buddy of men like Abbass Nasir, Murtaza Rizvi and Mosadiq Sanwal (all big shots at Dawn).

But I am not being a cry baby because I have utmost respect for NFP and his unique writing style.

But I do wonder if he'll be getting the same freedom now that Abbass is going?

Also, Mr. NFP is very close to some PPP and MQM leaders.
My two cents. And, no, I am not a Zaid Hamid fan.

tlw (Formerly wYSeGuy) said...

he is a bit too obvious about his support for the PPP and MQM.

Ya think? Anon, use your real name and I can tell you more. He`s totally in the bag for the PPP and MQM, not just because of his past but because being militantly pro-MQM and pro-PPP sets him apart from every body in his class. Think of it as a branding exercise; by being completely iconoclastic and militantly writing in favour of student elections, voting regularly and the necessity that our political parties see in arming themselves, NFP sets himself apart from columnists who just talk about democracy in a milquetoast-abstract sort of way. Plus he also educates the readership of Dawn into why our parties are the way they are.

He has every right to support them, but sometimes he simply fails to see any flaws in them.

I agree, but it's cause he's made his bones among them AND there are a million people you can find to critically analyse the MQM and the PPP with a fine tooth comb. Paracha ko apna munfarid Brand chalana hai, na ;-)


Secondly, though his articles have done wonders for DAWN

I'll have to agree on that.

but I, for one, knows that he gets away by saying things others would not be allowed

I had a feeling about that myself. I also had a personal theory about why he can get away with writing so ostentatiously in favor of the Pakistani political parties and nobody else can.

because he is a drinking buddy of men like Abbass Nasir, Murtaza Rizvi and Mosadiq Sanwal (all big shots at Dawn).

My theory was his privileged background. Apparently he went to the Karachi Grammar School. But if your information is correct anonymous-who-does-not-give-themselves-a-name, then that would be why a nameless, faceless reporter cannot write such strong op-eds in favour of either the MQM or PPP.

But I do wonder if he'll be getting the same freedom now that Abbass is going?

Hmmm...I don't know about Dawn's internal politics. That's why I hang around here. Thank you Mr anonymous-who-does-not-give-themselves-a-name.

Also, Mr. NFP is very close to some PPP and MQM leaders.

Again, Ya Think? Heck he might be an MQM agent sent to infiltrate the ranks of the Polite English Speaking Pakistani Press and indoctrinate it's readers to the MQM agenda of greater Jinnahpur.

Or he may have just simply had the MQM on his side during shoot-outs with the IJT.

If people wished to criticise NFP all they have to look at is his own Chowk article Month of the Gun.

He admits to being in Gun Battles against the IJT.

Let me repeat that:

He admits to being in Gun Battles.

Very interesting character our Mr NFP

Magnum said...

Interesting he sure is. Great analysis, tlw. I do not agree with NFP all the time, but heck, I only read Dawn because of his columns.

It is true he is leaning towards PPP and MQM, but as you rightly said, he makes no bones about it. Though his articles have many layers, he wears his agenda and ideology on his sleeves and that is refreshing coming from a regular columnist of a leading newspaper.

I was with him in college, and you are right to point out that he did use to get into a lot of fights with IJT goons. It is also true that though he was with peoples party's student-wing PSF, he was always trying to strike alliances with APMSO (mqm's student wing) against IJT.

The guy's a hell of a character and though he can be a bit too caustic in his attacks against all kinds of religious folks that we have, but hey, someone's gotta do it, and Im glad its NFP.

Bolshevik said...

tlw, you'll have to be more specific. I've referred to lots of people as brats on lots of occasions. Which one were you? :-)

Anonymous said...

umm, i may be utterly and completely mistaken, but wasn't the degree requirement law already repealed by the sitting parliament? i was under the impression the incumbents being shunted for lacking degrees were being held to the law prevalent at the time of the elections as a matter of procedure... educate me someone :)

tlw said...

tlw, you'll have to be more specific. I've referred to lots of people as brats on lots of occasions. Which one were you? :-)

Is there an email I can reach you at?

Bolshevik said...

Yup. urooj.zia [AT] gmail.

tlw said...

And thank you Magnum.

Though his articles have many layers, he wears his agenda and ideology on his sleeves and that is refreshing coming from a regular columnist of a leading newspaper.

Yes it is.

I was with him in college,

Cool.

and you are right to point out that he did use to get into a lot of fights with IJT goons. It is also true that though he was with peoples party's student-wing PSF, he was always trying to strike alliances with APMSO (mqm's student wing) against IJT.

I think that makes him unique amongst even PPP and MQM supporters. First, he supports both and both have had wars against each other.

I'm from Karachi and I feel the same way too.

I don't want to choose between the PPP and the MQM, and I wish both would work together (which to their credit they currently are) and that relatively de-ethnicised, and somewhat ideological perspective is something NFP tries (and tried to) encourage between the PPP and MQM. I wish it didn't look like such a pie-in-the-sky dream to have politics more on ideology than on ethnicity but one can try (look at Kamran Shafi's current reference to Zia-ul-Haq's Biradari politics)

he can be a bit too caustic in his attacks...someone's gotta do it

Maybe we all should be as caustic as him.