The shock! The awe! The wide-eyed startled looks!
Here's what really had me falling off my seat with laughter this morning. The snivelling worm of journalism (could it be anyone else?) breaks wind news in The News' that:
"Imran says he got positive response from Taliban"
Really? Imran Khan and the Taliban? Who would ever have thunk?!
Ansar Abbasi's oh-so-unbiased report is worth reading at least once. It only calls Imran Khan "bold" and "daring" once and merely implies that the government is clueless, deaf and bloodthirsty. Oh and yeah, anyone who might disagree with his and Imran Khan's analysis that our best bet to contain terrorism is to do a Sufi Mohammad-style deal with the militants, is either a "confused Pakistani" or an "arrogant foreigner."
But this headline made me think of other potentially equally shocking news items that we can perhaps expect next in the paper:
1. "Zaid Hamid gets positive response from semi-literate pop stars looking for something deep and conspiratorial but safe to support"
2. "Shireen Mazari says she gets positive response from certain intelligence agencies looking to undermine the government through manufactured news"
3. "Nawaz says he gets positive response from religiously conservative but financially reckless Hall Road traders"
4. "Musharraf says he got positive response from Facebook users who still believe the military is the only solution to Pakistan's problems despite 43 years of misgovernance under it, and Atiqa Odho"
5. "Zardari says he got positive response from Bilawal, Bakhtawar and Asifa"
6. "Male model says he got positive response from Sheikh Aamer Hassan"
7. "Jamaat Chief Syed Munawwar Hassan gets positive response from Farhat Hashmi"
8. "Karzai says he got positive response from poppy farmers"
9. "Altaf says he received positive response from Sector Incharge Liaquatabad No. 10"
10. "Imran says he got positive response from Ansar Abbasi."
Please feel free to add some more...