Unfit Dressing

First off, a BIG congratulations to the Pakistan Women's Cricket Team for bringing in Pakistan's first (and perhaps only) gold in the ongoing Asian games. One hopes the stuffed shirts at the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) and the Sports Ministry will understand the irony of this achievement and finally begin to give sportswomen  their due.

Nida Rashid scored 51 not out and took 4 wickets (Photo: AP/Dawn)

In lean times such as these for the Pakistani media, I had to scrounge around for unread material from old newspapers. It is, after all, Eid ul Azha and the only news reports these last two days seem to be about how people are 'enjoying' themselves, which apparently involves women being chained to kitchen stoves, men eating like pigs and children bawling their eyes out because mummy was cooking their favourite pet and daddy was eating it.

In any case, came across this unintentionally funny piece from Dawn's sports pages on November 17, about how our squash players arrived for the Asian Games in a state of dishevelment and some embarrassment.

The story alerts you to its potential from its heading:

"Squash players land in China amid dressing problems"

Yes, 'dressing', in this particular avatar, is yet another word that deserves the euthanising hospice.

The story goes on to tell us:

"GUANGZHOU, Nov 16: A nine-member Pakistan squash team, dressed in national colour blazers, landed at the Canton International Airport here on Tuesday but with much dismay as trousers of few players got damaged because of `poor stitching`.

“My trousers are all ripped from pockets because they are not tailored according to my height,” said Pakistan`s leading junior squash player Danish Atlas."

To tell you the truth, I don't quite know what pockets have to do with height but I'll accept the word of Danish Atlas on this.

"“Just look at the stitching, it`s poorly tailored, my pocket is damaged and I was not even provided with a belt for my trousers,” said Danish. During the four-hour flight from Islamabad airport to Thailand, he said, “I have no option but to get hold of my trousers which are not fit according to my height.” The situation, he said, was no different when we flew from Thailand airport to the Canton Airport."

Couple of questions for the reporter:

1) Is it really only a four-hour flight from Islamabad to Thailand? Rather amazing since Karachi to Bangkok takes about 5 hours.

2) What exactly does "get hold of my trousers" mean? Does it mean what we think it means? Surely, not something to do with pockets then? And then there's that height thing again...

3) Considering that poor Danish Atlas had to "get hold" of his trousers during the flight from Islamabad to Bangkok, ostensibly to prevent them from falling apart around him in his seat, why exactly would you think the "situation" would be "different" on the connecting flight from Bangkok to Canton? Unless of course there was an emergency sewing session at Bangkok airport that you haven't told us about...


Anyways, to pour salt on Danish's wounds, he also points out:

"“I am wearing my brother`s [Aamir Atlas Khan`s] blazer because the one given by the PSB was unfit and very tight from shoulders,” said Danish, justifying that their suits were not according to international standard."

'Unfit': things that don't fit. Tight 'from' shoulders. 'Nuff said.

Sometimes I wonder what will we all do for entertainment if Pakistani English language journalism ever becomes sedate and proper.