Back to Kindergarten for the Lot of You

Whatever else the merits of the Wikileaks expose may be, one thing is for sure: it is a DISASTER for some of Pakistan's media. The huge information dump has resulted, annoyingly for our journos, in having to actually read things properly and double check facts, and far, far too much temptation to make laughing stocks of themselves.

Thanks to @sohaibgulbadan who pointed this out, here is The News' version of one on the released cables. Breathlessly, The News' reporter Umar Cheema tells us on the paper's front page:

Pakistan, a private nightmare for Obama

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

By Umar Cheema

"ISLAMABAD: US President Barack Obama considers Pakistan as his “private nightmare”, a front-line ally in the war against terrorism that could surprise the whole world waking up one morning to hear that the country had been taken over by the extremists.

A diplomatic cable leaked by Wikileaks reveals that Pakistan is one of the major causes behind the US decision of not attacking Iran, amid fears that any strike against this neighbouring Muslim country could further fuel the militancy in Pakistan. Nevertheless, the US president understands that avoiding confrontation with Iran has portrayed his country as a weak superpower.

Obama, however, believes attacking North Korea would earn less criticism and also teach a good lesson to the countries harbouring nuclear-ambition. “He described Pakistan as his ‘private nightmare,’ suggesting the world might wake up one morning ‘with everything changed’ following a potential Islamic extremist takeover,” disclosed a cable. Obama expressed concerns about Pakistan in two consecutive meetings with ranking US Senator Codel Casey and Congressman Ackerman of the House’s Foreign Relations Committee before their visit to Israel for a meeting with defence minister Ehud Barak last year.

When asked if the use of force on Iran might backfire with moderate Muslims in Pakistan, thereby exacerbating the situation, “Barak acknowledged Iran and Pakistan are interconnected, but disagreed with a causal chain.” To the contrary, Obama argued that if the United States had directly confronted North Korea in recent years, others would be less inclined to pursue nuclear weapons programmes. “By avoiding confrontation with Iran, Barak argued, the US faces a perception of weakness in the region.”

Contrary to King Abdullah’s opinion of Zardari, the UAE rulers had very positive views of former President Musharraf, disclosed a cable narrating meeting of the US diplomats with the UAE Crown Prince and Deputy Supreme Commander Mohammad bin Zayed, after the latter returned from a visit of Pakistan where he met Musharraf in 2005. First, he congratulated Washington for its decision to allow the US firm to bid for contracts to provide F-16s and other defence technology to Pakistan. “He said it was important to support Musharraf as he battled the terrorists. There was no alternative leader in sight,” said the cable. He also questioned the US suspicions that Pakistani authorities had deliberately delayed the news of the arrest of Abu Faraj al Libbi, negating the wrong perception towards Pakistan."

Here is the actual cable. The operative part reads:

"11. (C) Barak reinforced his message regarding Pakistan in both meetings. He described Pakistan as his "private nightmare," suggesting the world might wake up one morning "with everything changed" following a potential Islamic extremist takeover. When asked if the use of force on Iran might backfire with moderate Muslims in Pakistan, thereby exacerbating the situation, Barak acknowledged Iran and Pakistan are interconnected, but disagreed with a causal chain. To the contrary, he argued that if the United States had directly confronted North Korea in recent years, others would be less inclined to pursue nuclear weapons programs. By avoiding confrontation with Iran, Barak argued, the U.S. faces a perception of weakness in the region."

If you haven't figured it out yet, the person being quoted is former Israeli Prime Minister and then Defence Minister Ehud Barak, not Barrack Obama. The cable is from the US embassy in Tel Aviv.

Had Mr. Cheema and his editors at The News given it just a little bit of thought, by the way, why the hell would an American foreign mission be quoting their own president's views to the State Department? A little bit of thought though seems far from some of the reporting going on.

Sovereign Delay

From a news report about rising tensions and an escalating war of words between Afghan President Hamid Karzai and the US government, this has to be the funniest quote in the last week...

"We have partnership, we want to continue this alliance and partnership with the United States and the rest of the world, in the interest of both of us. But this has to be understood by all that Afghanistan is a sovereign country."
           — Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai in a BBC Interview, April 5, 2010

And you thought Rehman Malik et al sounded funny talking about sovereignty.

Here's Mr Sovereign in his Standard Chartered-issued sovereign uniform (note the bank colours) walking the purple carpet with his friend, not master.

Obama's midnight call (source: AFP)

From the looks of President Obama's coat, it seems he had a bit of 'dust-up' with Karzai before the photo-op. Mr Sovereign probably held him face down in the sand until he cried uncle.

Stuff We Never Got Round To

Okay folks, have been trying to remember all the bits and pieces I wanted to blog about over the last couple of weeks but which I never got round to... I really should write them down immediately. In any case, here are the few I do remember...

First off, it was Dawn's fairly good exclusive interview with President Barrack Obama. (For some strange reason it is inaccessible at this time on Dawn but here's the full text of the interview.)

Yes, the interview was pretty good, dealing as it did with wide-ranging topics such as drones, the war on terror, Pakistan's economy, military and his ability to make a mean qeema and daal. But was it just me, or did anyone else find the front-page banner heading to that interview a bit strange? This was the heading:

"Beat extremists you can, says Obama"

Is he, like, our Yoda to Zardari's Luke Skywalker? I mean, he didn't actually use that phrasing in the interview so one would have to assume this is Dawn's interpretation of our intergalactic struggle.

The second thing is something that really sent my blood pressure rocketing. Who else, but Amir Liaquat in Aalim Online on June 24, celebrating (yes, you read that right: celebrating!) Ali Haider's renunciation of music and acting. I mean, is there no end to the schizophrenia of the Pakistani nation?! Or at least of Geo, which provides this madman the platform to hold forth at direct odds with Geo's supposed own policy of promoting an enlightened (i.e. non-Taliban) version of religion?

You can see the programme in three parts, here (part 1), here (part 2), and here (part 3). (Thanks to vidpk.com.)

The first part begins with ALH holding forth against the Pakistan government, people and media for not using the appellation "shaheed" for those killed in drone attacks, who have been killed by the forces of "yahood o nassara" (Jews and Christians)... watch it if you have the stomach for conspiracy theories (I found it offensive apologia in the extreme, couched in the usual verbal gymnastics of the manipulative mullah) or you can forward to around 09:00 when he turns his attention to Ali Haider. Don't miss, however, his bubbling over excitement at Ali Haider's renunciation of showbiz and the effusive call-ins and texts congratulating the singer/actor. Truly, perhaps Pakistan does deserve the Taliban.

In the beginning, Ali Haider claims it's the despondency at the current state of affairs that made him want not to sing any more. Of course, that did not satisfy the madman. He keeps prodding him to admit that he's done this because of the "nur" (enlightenment for you angrezes) filling his heart. When Ali Haider tells a caller (at 16:00 in the first part, continuing on in part 2) that he is not immediately going to start performing hamds and naats, the madman interjects that "yeh kehna chahiye ke abhi tau aap wazoo karein gay, uss ke baad mussallay pe kharray hon gay" (one should say, you will first do the ritual washing up, then stand on the prayer mat)... Eventually, he even expresses the hope (around 9:00 in part 3) that Ali's Haider's divorce (from showbiz) is permanent, not temporary.

Ali Haider may be one more confused soul following in the confused steps of Junaid Jamshed. But what do we make of Geo and it's schizophrenia? Jiyo tau aisay bhi? As for the fake-doctor-turned-madman, can no one rid us of this insufferable fellow?

The T20 final as NOT seen on Geo Super

The third thing I wanted to blog about was what a little (absolutely credible) birdie told me and relates once again to Geo's hypocrisy. While all of us were forced to watch the T20 World Cup only on Geo Super and subjected to the abominable Mr. Jeem's intrusions into the play (irritating choruses of "Jiyo tau aisay" breaking out at every bloody boundary, break-aways for commercials often before the last ball had been bowled in an over), guess where the top management of Geo watched the final? Not on Geo Super you can bet your ass!

Apparently the entire top management of the Jang Group (including owner Mir Ibrahimur Rehman (MIR, son of CEO MSR), Geo president Imran Aslam, Managing Director of Jang Group Shahrukh Hasan, Marketing Director Sarmed Ali et al, collected together at the Defence Karachi entertainment space Area 51 along with the other Geo staffers to enjoy the final between Pakistan and Sri Lanka on... South Africa's SuperSport channel, considered illegal in Pakistan and pointedly banned through Geo's efforts on cable across Pakistan during the World Cup.

No wonder, they could not fathom why Mr. Jeem was Hate Figure No. 1 across Pakistan the next day.

Picture of the Day

Barrack Obama gets some batting tips from West Indian legend Brian Lara, or as he was later billed, "the Michael Jordan of cricket", during the US President's visit to Trinidad to attend the Fifth Summit of the Americas...