Titter of the Day

Had I not gulped down the sip of my morning tea a split second earlier, I would have almost surely splattered it all over the breakfast table. As it is, the guffaw that bubbled up ferociously from within me almost choked me. And it all had to do with laying eyes on The News' op-ed page today and noticing the headline on columnist Anjum Niaz's piece.

The headline read:

"A titter a day"

My first reaction was that this was some unintended typo, with Ms. Niaz actually writing about that infernally ubiquitous Twitter phenomenon. But no, I soon realized she was in fact holding forth on all things giggly. She even, believe it or not, uses the phrase "teehee and titters." (Does anyone really go "teehee" any more?!)

Now, I'm no juvenile and I know that "titter" is a proper word in the English language, but surely there must be some rule in some style book that tells editors never to use it in a headline. I mean, how can you NOT think of something like this?

"America's Merriest Magazine"

And let's not even get into the phrase "a titter ran through the crowd"...

But this set me off thinking about all those legitimate words or phrases that have accrued slightly more, shall we say, salacious meanings or the edge of double entendre, and can no longer be used in their original meaning in an article or normal conversation without inviting a smirk, a snide comment or an outright belly laugh.

Here are some of the ones that I thought of immediately:

gay: adj. happy
e.g.: Kookooburra sits on an old gum tree, merry merry king of the bush is he, laugh kookooburra laugh, kookooburra gay your life must be...

chick: n. baby hen or duckling
e.g.: There were so many cute chicks up for sale at the market...

cock: n. rooster
e.g.: We took our cock out of the henhouse...

pussy: n. cat
e.g.: I think my pussy is hungry...

beaver: n. an amphibious rodent
e.g.: Did you see that beautiful-looking beaver?

ass: n. a donkey
e.g.: He is so cruel, he keeps whipping that ass...

seamen: pl. n. sailors
e.g.: The submarine was full of young seamen...

tart: n. pastry
e.g.: The tarts at Cafe Flo are really excellent...

dike / dyke: n. an embankment of earth or rock to prevent floods
e.g.: We saw lots of dikes in Holland...


finger: (slang) v. to inform on, point out for arrest
e.g.: The would-be bomber fingered his accomplices...


madam: n. a courteous form of address for a lady
e.g.: She was quite the madam of her household...



Please feel free to add your own. But do ensure they are valid words to begin with...

Hot Kisses (of Tea) Declared Unacceptable

I'm not even going to try to comment on this news report in today's Dawn other than to say that:

1) Such a masterpiece of double-entendre and unintentional hilarity comes along only once in a while outside of the 'regional correspondent' reports

2) There seems to be a running joke (confusion?) about the word 'bar' in the report, which is, imho, brilliant.

Enjoy.

Tea banned in the library of a bar

By Nasir Iqbal

Wednesday, 13 Jan, 2010

        

ISLAMABAD, Jan 12: A circular issued by the newly-elected president of the Supreme Court Bar Association (SCBA) Qazi Anwar banning tea in the bar’s library has been meekly accepted by the members but left bad taste in many mouths.

 

Though meekly, the members have accepted the ban. Many of them however wondered who and what prompted the ban.

 

“Granted the library is not exactly the place to have tea, but it would be childish to see a storm in the tea cups consumed there,” said one member. Non-drinkers felt “the loose talk” the tea drinkers indulged in brought the ban.

 

Soon after its issuance, the circular instantly become talk of the bar with divergent views, some appreciating while some being critical of the contents of the letter.

 

In fact chit chat over a cup of tea between senior lawyers namely Sharifuddin Pirzada, Akram Sheikh, Ahmed Raza Qasuri, Mohammad Ibrahim Satti and former Islamabad High Court judge Munir Paracha but perceived as a meeting gave an excuse to the SCBA president to clamp the ban.

 

That is why the circular issued by the SCBA president also find mention the names of the worthy lawyers who were caught discussing hot issues that revolved around the judiciary and the Supreme Court.

 

Axe also fell on the poor librarian when a show-cause was issued against her for allowing the senior lawyers to enjoy hot kisses of tea inside the library.

 

“Rules are rules and I will obey the fresh instructions,” Advocate Ahmed Raza Qasuri said though explaining he rarely sits inside the library.

 

Talking to Dawn he said he had always believed in discipline and rules of the bar or a club and would definitely follow the same. These are the mark of civilised nations, he emphasised.

 

Similarly Ibrahim Satti also agreed that tea should not be served inside the library but explained that since senior counsel like Sharifuddin Pirzada who seldom comes to the library had come so he was offered the tea as a courtesy.

 

Advocate Roy Mohammad Nawaz Kharral also appreciated the decision of the association’s president lamenting that for quite some time the bar library had become a hang out place where one came across all kind of views on different topics of the day. “Libraries are sacred places for reading books where law points should be discussed. Irrelevant debates like these are an insult to learning and knowledge,” he said complaining that some members were even using shelves and almirah inside the library for keeping tea, sugar or milk pots.

 

What to talk of reading case histories when it had become difficult to read even newspapers inside the library, he deplored accusing some senior members of treating the library as their personal office.

 

But some lawyers on condition of anonymity also expressed their reservation on the manner in which the circular was issued saying the letter is out of sync with the sentiments of the bar.

 

They suspect that the circular has been issued to please someone or on the behest of some bigwigs.

Bigwigs. Geddit?