A Brief History of Diplomatic Immunity (Updated)

Since we Pakistanis often suffer simultaneously from the twin demons of megalomania and paranoia - verily we are better than everyone else and that is why everyone is out to get us - we often also look at history through a rather selective and distorted lens. Unfortunately, none typify this mindset more than the doyens and doyennes of the Pakistani electronic media, in whom a curious mix of hyper-patriotism, half-baked information, sincere ignorance and arrogant bluster seems generally to hold sway.

Take the issue of the day on Pakistani media: whether the American known by his apparent pseudonym "Raymond Davis" - who shot dead two men in Lahore - can be tried by Pakistani courts or whether the US government has any right to claim diplomatic immunity for him. I am not going to offer my own opinion on this because, for better or worse, this is an issue for the US and Pakistani states to sort out. (I should, however, point out that, personally speaking, I do not think armed Americans or armed anyone should be roaming around the streets of Pakistan.)

But having seen numerous commentaries on television where emotive claims have been made about how Americans have not respected diplomatic immunity in their own cases, how immunity does not extend to serious crimes or how Pakistani diplomats have never been extended this kind of privilege, I just want to direct readers to a few examples.

Here's The Independent reporting in 1997 about a case in which a drunk Georgian diplomat killed a 16-year-old girl in New York with his reckless driving and the US requested a waiver from immunity for him. (The paper reports that Georgia was unlikely to approve the request though it actually was approved at the discretion of the Georgian government and the diplomat was sentenced for 7-21 years. He was transferred back to Georgia after serving three years [link courtesy @qabacha].) The piece also cites other incidences of less egregious crimes by diplomats that go unpunished. Appropriately for us, the story is titled "Can A Diplomat Get Away With Murder?"

You may also recall the shooting dead of British constable Yvonne Fletcher apparently by Libyan embassy staff in London in 1984 as well as the wounding of 11 others. Diplomatic immunity allowed the staff not to be prosecuted at all, though Britain subsequently broke off diplomatic relations with Libya. Fifteen years later, Libya accepted "general responsibility" and paid compensation, though some experts continued to question whether the police officer's death was actually caused by someone shooting from within the embassy.

Coming to Pakistani diplomats invoking diplomatic immunity, let us recall the case of our Ambassador to Spain, Mr. Haroon-ur-Rashid Abbasi, who Pakistan withdrew from his post in 1975 without allowing prosecution when heroin was discovered in his suitcase.

Let us also recall the case of our longtime permanent rep at the UN, Ambassador Munir Akram in 2003 who was accused of assault by his then girlfriend. The US also asked Pakistan to waive immunity in that case, which Pakistan did not oblige. (The case was eventually settled when Mr Akram persuaded his girlfriend to withdraw the charges against him).

So, as they say, au contraire, my friends.

Some final points, and please remember that we are only taking issue with the 'facts' of the case as presented in the media. Television analysts have almost unanimously claimed that "Davis" did not have a 'diplomatic visa'. It might behoove someone to ask our media pundits if they have ever actually seen a Pakistani diplomatic visa. From our own investigations, it seems Pakistani visas have no such specified category of 'Diplomatic Visa' (unlike some other countries). In fact, according our sources, all foreign diplomats receive Pakistani visas with the marking "Purpose of Visit:" "Official" or "Official Business" (not Official / Business, another category that does not exist) on their diplomatic passports. If they carry such a visa on their diplomatic passport and the Foreign Office has been so notified, they receive diplomatic immunity during their stay in Pakistan.

Here are some scans of Davis' passport as presented on DawnNews' Reporter programme...

This is the marking on his passport, which clearly states that he is on "diplomatic assignment" (click picture to enlarge):

This is his current visa, issued incidentally not in Washington (as claimed by Shireen Mazari on Geo and Syed Talat Hussain on DawnNews) but in Islamabad:

In fact, "Davis" only once received a three-month visa in 2009 from Washington. His subsequent 4-month visa in 2010 and his current 2-year visa were both issued within Pakistan.

Kamran Khan on Geo also went to great lengths to 'break the news' that "Davis" is a spy who works for the CIA. He almost certainly is. But not only is that not amazing insight, we have to ask, so? Is his actual work the issue of contention here? As former ambassador Zafar Hilaly pointed out on Dunya, spooks get posted on "cover postings" abroad all the time, including by the Pakistan Foreign Office, and they all receive diplomatic immunity under the Vienna Convention. Let's at least be clear what we are arguing about.


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There have been some comments questioning some of my assertions in this post, which have been answered in the comments section. You may want to have a look.

A couple of other cases have been brought to our notice which we are also sharing. The first is the case in January 2001 of a Russian diplomat who killed a woman in Canada while driving drunk. A couple of quotes from this piece are worth pointing out.

"Andrey Knyazev was charged with criminal negligence causing death, impaired driving, failing to provide a breath sample, and criminal negligence causing bodily harm. Knyazev immediately claimed diplomatic immunity and on Monday, Russia denied Canada's request to lift it. [Russian Ambassador Vitaly] Churkin urged Canadians not to judge all Russians on the actions of one man. But he defended his government's right to recall Knyazev, saying it's tradition and common practice in the diplomatic community. “Many people are not happy that we didn't lift the diplomatic immunity," Churkin said. "The Canadian government has expressed its displeasure but recognized that this is our right.""

And this bit of wisdom from Canada's Foreign Minister that Pakistanis may also want to understand:

"[The] tragedy has raised questions about the use of diplomatic immunity to escape prosecution. But Foreign Affairs Minister John Manley says he will not use this case to press for changes. "There's an old saying among lawyers that hard cases make bad law," Manley said following a cabinet meeting Tuesday. "I think that (revising diplomatic rules) is something that we'd want to look at in a broader circumstance, not in the situation which we're in now," he said."

Incidentally, Shahid Saeed has also pointed out two further cases where Pakistani diplomats have invoked diplomatic immunity. The first involved Col Mohammad Hamid, a military attache in Pakistan's High Commission in London, who was caught in 2000 having sex with a prostitute in his car in a public place. When caught, Hamid immediately invoked diplomatic immunity and therefore could not be arrested. Here's an Indian Express report of the incident, which was also reported in the English papers.

The second involved the arrest in April 2001 in Kathmandu of Pakistan's first secretary Mohammad Arshad Cheema. 16kg of high-intensity explosive RDX were recovered from his residence. The Indian government believed him to be also linked to the hijacking of the Indian Airlines flight IC-814 which resulted in the freeing from Indian prisions of (subsequently Daniel Pearl murder accused) Omar Saeed Sheikh and Jaish-e-Mohammad leader 'Maulana' Masood Azhar. This report from the respected Indian magazine Frontline presents a wider and less one-sided perspective on the arrest. It also provides evidence of two things we already asserted in our post: that spies (and even military operatives) are often posted by foreign governments under diplomatic cover and that diplomatic immunity extends even to grave crimes. Cheema was expelled from Nepal rather than be prosecuted even though, by any definition, possessing high intensity explosives for ulterior motives is a very serious charge in any country.

Rumours and Shakers (Updated)

First of all, on behalf of all of us, I wish to offer an apology for the lack of updates in the last 10 days. Call it a combination of too much other work and involvement in matters urgent, laziness and emotional fatigue. Sometimes we too need to take time off from blogging. Inevitably, some readers have written in to ask why he haven't 'covered' such and such, or made innuendos about our 'political' reasons for not writing about certain issues. There's nothing we can do as far as politically motivated innuendos are concerned but once more we'd like to point out that Cafe Pyala is not meant to be a newspaper or a news channel: we don't necessarily 'cover' everything, nor do we have the resources to do so. And more often than not, our reasons for blogging about something have to do with saying something that is not already being said in the mainstream media or by other bloggers, or to bring more attention to something that we feel is not receiving its due attention.

 Wali Khan Babar

As far as the assassination of young Geo journalist Wali Khan Babar in Karachi is concerned, we too feel we have lost a very bright and upright colleague and a warm-hearted human being. And we deeply mourn his death. However, unlike some, we do not feel we have unambiguous knowledge about who assassinated him and so refuse to be drawn into a blame game based on pure speculation. All we can say is that journalism has become a much more dangerous profession in this country in the wake of his murder.

In any case, there have been a number of developments and potential developments in the media that have piled up in our absence, which we should probably put on record. Some of these we have dealt with on Twitter though not in any great detail.

Permanently paused: Minhas and Javed on Dunya

Thanks to our trusty informers, we were made aware of Nusrat Javed and Mushtaq Minhas having resigned from Dunya long before their Dunya Meray Aagay programme suddenly went off air though we could not get confirmations immediately. What is still not clear however is what the reasons were for the falling out. Dunya sources claim that their programme never achieved the kind of ratings the channel had hoped for when they got the two to leave Aaj and come on board. I have to say that Mushtaq Minhas' buffoonish right wing presence on that programme never endeared me to the format even when the team was at Aaj. However, with the almost parallel departure of Najam Sethi from Dunya for Geo (his new programme airs from January 31 in the 11pm slot), it seems like a strange time for Dunya to get rid of any of its mainstay programming.

Meanwhile, JournalismPakistan reports that Nusrat Javed and Mushtaq Minhas are now officially back at Aaj TV, with Javed also assuming the post of Director News and Current Affairs. What this means for the disastrous duo of Salim Bokhari and Orya Maqbool Jan - who took over the reins of Bolta Pakistan when Javed and Minhas left and competed with each other over who could be more obnoxiously right-wing - is still not clear.

Mubashir Lucman: rudest talk show host

There are also rumours - completely unconfirmed - that Dunya's Director News Naseem Zehra is also in talks to move to Pakistan Television (which is trying desperately to induct fresh blood into its news programming) and that Moeed Pirzada has also received offers to move to Express. Zehra has frequently expressed her frustration with the ratings game, pointing out that there is an inclination from channels to prefer the sensational but frivolous over serious issues. Meanwhile, for its part, Dunya has managed to lure Mubashir Lucman from Express TV. Lucman is known as the brashest talk show anchor though, it must be said, he does not combine his rudeness to guests with a lack of all sense that some others exhibit.

There are also persistent rumours that Hamid Mir has been in talks with Dunya to move from Geo, though Mir himself has refused to confirm them. Geo insiders say that part of Mir's discomfort with Geo is the pressure on him because of his own show Capital Talk's falling cache and the arrival on the Geo platform of Najam Sethi, who Mir has been publicly outspoken against. One staffer who works with Mir did confirm that Mir had thrown hints about moving a couple of weeks ago but, given the jockeying for better salary packages that media stars often indulge in, his move from Geo is by no means certain. Mir's eulogy to Salmaan Taseer (which is inevitably more about himself than Taseer) might also indicate that he is trying to reconcile himself to a changing Jang Group ideology. (As an aside, the Jang Group actually sacked the sub-editor who had mistranslated Shehrbano Taseer's New York Times article about her father into Urdu, leading to mullahs baying for her head.) Most seasoned media professionals do not believe Mir will actually make the move away from the top-rated Geo.

Meher Bokhari: raising the volume

Meanwhile there is also unverified information that Meher Bokhari may soon be leaving Samaa for Express, where she has been offered a hefty raise. In fact, credible sources claim that Samaa management may preempt her resignation by actually giving her the boot, as early as tomorrow. It should be remembered that Bokhari's Newsbeat programme has also suffered from lacklustre ratings, despite the hosts attempts to shout her way to higher viewership and sensationalize issues such as Salmaan Taseer's stand against the retrograde blasphemy laws. Despite its prime time slot, Newsbeat has been languishing in third position for its slot and has far fewer viewers than even Samaa's 10pm slot (hosted by veteran shouter Jasmine Manzur).

Things are also not looking good for Syed Talat Hussain over at DawnNews. His new show seems not to have made a dent in the ratings for the channel. Dawn News also recently lost its recently signed morning show host Juggun Kazim, when the latter was lured away by Express within three weeks.

What DawnNews' mornings now look like

In other news, daily Aaj Kal and Business Plus - The Daily Times' sister Urdu paper and television channel - have sacked some 240 staffers, including the editor of Aaj Kal, Khalid Chaudhry, who was considered close to the recently deceased owner Salmaan Taseer. This is the first big move within the group after the death of Taseer and the taking over of the reins of the Media Times group by his wife Aamna Taseer. According to JournalismPakistan's sources, 150 staffers have been laid off from Karachi, 43 from Lahore and another 40 from Islamabad. Aaj Kal had been struggling since its launch in 2007 - some claim it was the cause of the whole media group struggling - and from the looks of it, the Taseers have decided to shut down the paper altogether.

Into this fairly dismal media scenario has stepped yet another daily paper, Islamabad Dateline, which promises to "own" Islamabad and become the city's must-read newspaper. Edited by Kamran Rehmat, former acting editor in Islamabad of The News, and published by veteran journo Mustansar Javed, the paper has a tough task ahead with the glut of already existing English newspapers (remember Pakistan Today launched only a few weeks ago as well) and the overall difficult business environment.


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Tuesday, 25 January 2011:

So, as predicted by our sources, Meher Bokhari was indeed sacked removed from on-air presence on Samaa TV on Monday, although she is apparently going round claiming she is on leave. Her former show, Newsbeat, was hosted by sister channel CNBC's Farieha Idrees on Monday.

A glut of rumours have done the rounds regarding the exact reasons for her removal, including claims that Samaa was forced to fire her because of threats of being shut down by PEMRA if she were not. We have been able to confirm that no such notices or threats were issued to Samaa. A major factor in her sacking removal (at least officially), it now seems, was that Samaa TV's owner, Zafar Siddiqui, finally took notice of her shenanigans with respect to the Salmaan Taseer issue and her flouting of PEMRA's general guidelines against the glorification of terrorists and criminals such as Mumtaz Qadri. In particular, her programme after Taseer's murder, where she provocatively posed the question whether Qadri was a terrorist or a hero, and gave equal space (often without critical intervention) to those glorifying the murderer, seems to have become her downfall. It should also be remembered that Chartered Accountant Zafar Siddiqui began his career in Taseer's firm.

Where Ms Bokhari next turns up still remains to be seen.


Thursday, January 27, 2011:

As also pointed out by one reader anchor2010, Samaa TV has officially denied last night that Meher Bokhari has been sacked. According to a brief statement on its website:

"...as per normal practice of other Current Affairs Anchors, Meher Bokhari has gone on leave from Monday, the 24th of Jan, 2011."

We have made the requisite corrections in the previous update. However, there should be little doubt that this is at least a case of enforced leave. We are not sure whether this is merely a face-saver for Ms. Bokhari. Note also that the statement does not specify how long a leave this is. The only question is whether Ms. Bokhari will actually return to Samaa in the future or find another employer.

A Challenge To Tut-Tut

So here's the deal Syed Tut-Tut Hussain. I might have simply ignored your live interview on CityFM 89 tonight (which I happened to catch completely coincidentally) with its mealy-mouthed self promotional bits ('I could never have been in the armed forces because I hate hierarchy and checkposts...but I am the only civilian to have flown in an F-16'). I might even have let go without a comment the fact that the interviewer, Wasim (or whatever his name really is) Wes Malik, actually referred to you as "the great Talat Hussain." After all, can't really hold it against a radio presenter and a FM channel for trying to do a promo for an employee of the parent company (Dawn Media Group). Yes, I might have disregarded it all, had you displayed even a wee bit of contrition or even embarrassment when a questioner asked you about that Jolie article.

Honest?

But see, when you blithely claimed that the entire controversy was caused "by the [incorrect] translation" of your article by people "unaware of the nuances of Urdu" ["Jin ko Urdu zabaan ke asloob se nashanasayi hai"], you really got my goat. Now Wes Malik may have found that line completely incomprehensible (he went "What???") but some of us do know a little bit of Urdu and the flowery language Urdu columnists sometimes employ. And in particular, what galled me (incidentally, saying something "gets my gall", as you said about checkposts, is incorrect usage of the term) was that I had gone out of my way to stay true to your meaning and awkward style. I could have cherry picked the quotes but decided to be fair and translate the entire piece and it took me a bloody long time. Neki kar, dariya mein daal.


So I'd like to throw you a challenge. Point out, or get anyone to point out, where in my English translation I deviated from the original sense and style of your Urdu piece and I will willingly tender you an apology.

You also went on to say in your radio interview that 1) you could never think of dissing Angelina Jolie and that you actually quite like her as an actress (Mr and Mrs Smith being your idea of 'good acting') and 2) that you were in fact praising her for being brave enough to tell off the Pakistan government for its obsession with protocol etc during the humanitarian disaster of the floods.

Since Wes either had no clue or was too polite to say anything about those two statements, let me remind you with respect to 1) what you actually wrote about what you thought of her acting:

"This 36-year-old woman has suffered all those misfortunes about which her fans (I am not one of them) are all praise [sic]… Because her looks were average, she couldn’t make much of a mark in acting."

With respect to 2), it boggles the mind that you continue to spread this canard when the UN itself has subsequently denied anything of the sort - as originally only reported by The Khaleej Times - ever happened. Here's Newsweek Pakistan from its November 1 issue:

"Claims that Jolie, who came to Pakistan in September on a two-day tour of flood-hit areas as UNHCR's goodwill ambassador, had complained to the U.N. agency about Gilani are "baseless and inaccurate," UNHCR spokesperson Arianne Rummery told Newsweek Pakistan. Jolie has not filed any report on Pakistan yet, she added."

For those who think - as some did last time - this has anything to do with 'defending' Jolie, it doesn't. I'm just sick and tired of people (particularly journos) twisting facts to bolster their ideological arguments. And I'm especially irritated by Janus-faced hypocrites, you know, the sort that Tut-Tut decries on his programmes and in his writings all the time.

Oh, and Talat, that on-air rant about the "dark side of the blogosphere", where people come at "conservative journalists" like you like "snipers", and the need to "control and moderate... some of the stuff being written about our anchors" (" I won't say censorship but...")... Pure genius.

Have Cake, Will Eat Too

Much can be said - and is being said - about the latest Wikileaks saga. Around the world, the two biggest issues being grappled with are the future of diplomacy - would interlocutors be open and frank with each other if they fear that what they say in private is going to find its way to the web - and the repercussions on sensitive regions such as the Middle East of some of the explosive confirmations of what people sort of suspected anyway about their leaders and American designs on the world.

Unfortunately, most of what is being said in Pakistan is terribly uninformed, and swings from one extreme of 'it's all a big CIA conspiracy to undermine the Muslim world' on the one hand to 'how can you argue with this gospel truth?' on the the other. The former position does not understand the phenomenon of Wikileaks in the first place and conveniently ignores the fact that, so far, only some 500 of the more than 250,000 confidential cables have been released in the media. The second also conveniently ignores the valid questions regarding Wikileaks' allegedly super-secret structure, how Wikileaks receives information in the first place and the potential for it to be 'played.'

With respect to the first position, the proponents of the "It's all a conspiracy" theory, fed on the idea of homogeneity in the West, are unwilling to believe that there can be ideologically motivated and principled anarchists within the Western world seeking to undermine what they see as repressive state control of information, and simply do not understand how new technological tools can be used to circumvent control. If you are interested, you can read Wikileaks' front-man Julian Assange's treatise on "destroying the invisible government" from 2006, long before Wikileaks became a household word. The conspiracy-minded also ignore the substantive point that none of the principals writing the cables or quoted in them have denied the content of the cables so far (except for Maulana Fazlur Rehman, who admitted meeting US Ambassador Anne Patterson and hosting a dinner for her but denied asking the US to support him for a prime ministerial slot as she claimed in the cable). And, as I pointed out earlier, the bulk of the cables are still yet to come. The decision to stagger the release of the information this time - unlike in July when the 92,000 plus Afghan War Logs were released in one go - is a decision taken by the mainstream media as well, such as the New York Times, The Guardian, Der Spiegel, Le Monde and El Pais. 'Cablegate' will go on for months and will feature far more than the Muslim world.

With respect to the second position, I will refer you to my post in July about the last Wikileaks information dump and my ambivalence about it. Here is what I wrote at that time about Wikileaks itself:

"The second thing that makes me uneasy is WikiLeaks itself. I know this will probably sound terribly conspiratorial, but I cannot say with 100 percent surety that it is not all part of some grand psy-ops strategy: you know, build up an institution with calculated cred boosters (e.g. the leaked Iraq helicopter footage) and then use it to release info you want to release. It's not like it has never been done before, although of course never on a global level. Okay, I know I'm probably sounding like a nutter now but bear with me. Yes, I've read the wonderful profile of maverick Julian Assange (the driving force behind WikiLeaks) in The New Yorker, but I never quite understood the over-dramatized cloak and dagger stuff. Are we really being asked to believe that a man as publicly recognizable as Assange, who jets from continent to continent, can escape being tracked by international security agencies? Or that WikiLeaks, which claims to run entirely on donations (including credit card donations), does not have a single bank account or money transfer that is trace-able? Really?

Ok, forget my questions about WikiLeaks. Is it really beyond the realm of possibility for WikiLeaks and Assange, no matter how pure of heart they are, to be used by psy-op warriors wanting to put certain things out in the public realm? Are we really being asked to believe that 92,000 plus secret documents can be easily smuggled out of the Pentagon (on a Lady GaGa CD, no less, if some reports are to be believed) without anyone having any inkling? Anything is possible I guess but the probability on the other hand is a different matter.

Forgive me for being a doubting Thomas and slightly cynical. But these are the reasons I would not take the leaks at face value even as I accept the mining of the data for useful information. I hope my doubts about WikiLeaks are misplaced though."

Basically, my point is that either completely dismissing the contents of the leaked information as fake or having blind trust that nobody is feeding them to Wikileaks for their own purposes are both logically untenable positions.

But then we have Mr Kamran Khan on his Geo programme, Aaj Kamran Khan Ke Saath, deciding to embrace both positions. His programme tonight (December 2) was a marvel of double-speak and chutzpah. But before I come to tonight's programme, let me also run you through the recent history of this programme since the current Wikileaks saga broke, which I have been following and been amazed by every day.

Monday, November 29: On the day when 'Cablegate' was the top story in the entire world, the first cables having been released late the night before (according to Pakistan Time), guess how much coverage was given to them in Aaj Kamran Khan Ke Saath. None. Zero. Zilch. Cipher. Instead, Kamran Khan devoted the entire programme to an extended promotional interview of Malik Riaz, the controversial billionaire owner of Bahria Town construction, said also to have recently invested heavily in ARY. The only explanation I could come up with for this remarkable detour was that either Khan now had a home in Bahria Town or that Riaz has now invested in Geo as well.

Tuesday, November 30: Kamran Khan grudgingly does a segment on the Wikileaks expose, mainly focusing on those related to Saudi King Abdullah's perceptions of President Asif Zardari but seems still to be unsure about the news-worthiness of the story. Seems inclined to believe it's not really credible information until Professor Hasan Abbas from Washington tells him nobody's really questioning the authenticity of the cables. Manages to use the New York Times misquote about Abdullah calling Zardari "an obstacle to Pakistan's progress" and adding in "because he is not sincere to the country" of his own accord.

Wednesday, December 1: Finally realizing that 'Cablegate' is worth more than just a segment, leads his programme with the statement that the cables have caused a storm ("bhonchal") in the politics of the country. Continues to use the misquoted story and focuses almost entirely on cables related to Zardari. No mention of cables implicating General Kayani in domestic politics or ISI chief General Pasha in talks with Israel or of the alleged involvement of Arab countries in Pakistan's affairs or their instigations to the US to attack Iran, which would obviously have serious implications for Pakistan. No mention also of cables giving the lie to Nawaz Sharif's claims about his interactions with the Saudis.

Which brings us to Thursday, December 2: In an amazing display of whatever you want to call it, the first part of Kamran Khan's show was devoted to decrying the manipulation behind the leaked cables and casting doubt on their credibility. Why? Well, because they had 'tried to besmirch the good name and reputation of the Pakistan army and its well-respected leader General Kayani.' Incidentally, according to Kamran Khan, the army is "a totally uncontroversial institution." He concluded that there is a sinister game afoot to undermine Pakistan's interests through the 'selective' release of these cables. He then proceeded to 'contextualize' General Kayani's positions through "new information received", that shows how "brave" and upright the general is, which incidentally is the same 'information' presented by Syed Talat Hussain in Dawn today. (Hmmm, I wonder where both could possibly have received the information from...)

The second part of the show, on the other hand, was devoted to praising the credibility of and insight given by the leaked cables which have "documented everything" and "not one single word of which has been denied by anyone or cast into doubt." Why? Well, because they showed what a scumbag and how beholden to US interests President Zardari was. "What are the poor, powerless 170 million people of this nation to do?" cries Kamran Khan.

If that's not called having your cake and eating it too, I don't know what is.

You can watch the relevant portions of the programme below:


Having His Cake:




And Eating It:




What are the poor, powerless 170 million people of this nation to do, indeed.

The Beard in the Stomach

Don't you just hate it when the facade of liberal, sensible urbane-ness you have so carefully constructed over years and years comes crashing down with one ill-conceived article that you thought would have the masses lauding your cleverness but which exposes you for the parochial, narrow-minded bigot you really are?

Syed Talat Hussain, finally officially confirmed as having been imported into DawnNews, must be feeling like that right now.

Syed Talat Hussain in his 'liberal' avatar

The article in question was published in the Urdu daily Express as an op-ed piece yesterday under the title "Jolie Ka Thhappar" [Jolie's Slap in the Face], and has rightly caused an uproar among most of those people who read it. Not because of the thrust of its main point, which was criticism of the government's alleged insensitivity to the plight of the flood affected - based on media reports of an allegedly leaked confidential report by UNHCR's goodwill ambassador Angelina Jolie to the organization after her visit to Pakistan - but in how he viciously maligned Angelina Jolie's character to build his case.

Here is how Let Us Build Pakistan / CriticalPPP Green Goat's Hide, the first blog to call attention to the piece, took on Talat,  and here is how our friend Kalakawa hilariously deconstructed him.

In essence, Hussain went on a diatribe against Jolie's personal life, her "immoral" lifestyle, her allegedly selfish and cut-throat nature, her alleged hypocrisy and manipulation in adopting children and even her "plain" looks - most of his 'facts' are in fact made up or sensationalized - only to build the case, right at the end, that even an 'immoral and wayward woman' like Jolie was deserving of more respect than the government since she at least criticized it for its peripheral preoccupations during the flood crisis. If you think that is a rather convoluted way of attacking the government, you would be dead right.

What Hussain has actually shown up with his words is his own sexism, his own bigotry, his own racism (he actually derides Jolie's children as "rang barangay yateem bachay" or 'multi-coloured orphan kids'), his own homophobia and his own amazingly parochial nature. He has conclusively proved, if it needed to be proved, that the paet ki daarrhi (beard in the stomach i.e. concealed bigotry) has a way of coming out at some point or the other. He has also shown how some hypocrites in the media write in one style for the Urdu-reading public and maintain quite a different persona for the English readership (perhaps he thought those who read English papers would never actually read his column in Urdu).

But you could not possibly understand why I say all of this without reading the article itself. For those who cannot read the purple prose in the original Urdu, here is my translation of it which tries to remain as true as possible to Hussain's style and meaning:

Jolie’s Slap in the Face

By Syed Talat Hussain

"Hollywood superstar Angelina Jolie’s life is a tortuous and colourful tale. This 36-year-old woman has suffered all those misfortunes about which her fans (I am not one of them) are all praise [sic] and which some of them enjoy thinking about. At a very tender age, she had adopted many of the habits of adulthood because father and mother could not bear living together and so this little girl and her brother were forced to live outside a family structure, with her mother. Madam hated traditions right from the start and thus constantly ran away from home to try and live life on her own terms. Finally, bidding farewell to even these broken relationships, she began working in the theatre (In America, theatre and prostitution are two different professions, readers are advised not to draw the wrong conclusions based on Pakistan’s example).

Because her looks were average, she couldn’t make much of a mark in acting. If one takes a look at Angelina Jolie’s photographs from that time, her face wouldn’t even invite a second glance: hollow cheeks, triangular nose, big startled-looking eyes and lips like an uncovered clay pot, no glow on her face nor the vitality of youth in her body. This is why, in order to advance her film career, she relied on marriages. She established relationships with well known filmmakers and thus inducted herself in the race for big budget films. Then with unflagging energy she worked hard to convert those opportunities into making a name for herself that is the envy of every good actress.

Angelina’s personal life is full of going against all those values that in every society lay the foundations of distinguishing good from bad. She is famously known as someone who can cross any limits to achieve her objectives. Her critics bestow titles such as “Sorceress” and “Queen of Hell” on her. In circles close to her it is said that, were murder not punishable by life in prison, Angelina Jolie would quite happily kill with her own hands any woman or man who came in her way, because softness is not part of her character.

According to some reports, the lady treats substance addiction like a profession and every year experiments with new substances to regularly nurture this disease. Besides her ambition for climbing the ladder of success, she also enjoys loving women (what you understand from this is right!). According to a recent newspaper report, Angelina Jolie calls herself the mistress of Sapphic love and considers these despicable experiences among the best of her life. According to her, only a woman can really understand the delicate emotions of another woman. Men, despite all their attempts, can never achieve the standard that is the apogee of women’s real desires.

Angelina Jolie has also made provisions to deflect attention away from these dark aspects of her life. That is why she has adopted multi-coloured orphaned kids to project herself as the goddess of motherly warmth and empathy. Her expert public relations machine has presented these aspects of her in such an effective way that the United Nations appointed this Hollywood actress as a goodwill ambassador. What special education or skills Angelina possesses to be appointed to this position, we do not know. Up until now, her biography does not reveal any period in which she shows herself to be proving her mastery of international affairs. In a life studded with addiction and intoxication and moral waywardness, if there is any glittering star, it is her efforts in the profession of film. Other than that, this lady does not live up to any standards and then Eastern standards are far higher than her character demonstrates.

If you have any doubt about this claim, open up the Constitution of Pakistan. Take out Articles 62 and 63. What do they say? Does it not say this: We who consider ourselves the flag-bearers of Eastern traditions, will consider those the best amongst us, who in addition to achieving excellence in other affairs, “possess a good character, do not go against the laws of Islam, do not commit great sins, are pious, and not involved in moral turpitude” etc. etc.? Our concept of piety is rooted in the assumption that those people who do not possess these traits in their personal life cannot have a position of respect in society. Be it in everyday life or matters of state, characters like Angelina Jolie, be they Muslim or non-Muslim, should remain deprived of respect. Indeed, had Angelina Jolie admitted to her shenanigans while living in Pakistan, she would have been stoned to death many times over.

But even this filmic woman drowning in her Westernisms has enough of a glimmer of values remaining in her to understand that pushing and shoving distressed flood affected people because of [official] protocol is a bad thing. In her report to the UN upon her return back from Pakistan, Angelina Jolie has expressed surprise that, at a time when 10 million people are restless with hunger, she was feted like royalty in the Prime Minister House. The prime minister’s family traveled in a special plane to come and meet her and give her gifts. This report is such a slap on the face that, if a person’s blood is not already cold, the redness of his cheeks would be visible to the entire nation. I don’t know why, after this report of her experiences in Pakistan, this Hollywood actress seems more worthy of respect than her prominent hosts. And I wonder if the hosts have learnt any lessons from this actress’ morals."

Just to set the record straight about Jolie:

1. She has been married twice, to actors Johnny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton, neither of whom fall in the category of people who could give her a leg up in big budget films (in fact, how many people even know who Miller is?). She currently lives with actor Brad Pitt, whom she met long after she had become famous, and she has publicly said that she does not want to marry again until gay people also have the same right.

2. She has won one Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, two Screen Actors Guild awards and three Golden Globe awards, hardly someone you would classify as a non-serious actor who only got to stardom by sleeping her way through. In fact, there is no evidence (documented or gossiped about) of relationships with any directors or producers.

3. Where Hussain picked up his quotes about Jolie's intensely ambitious nature is a complete mystery (maybe Hussain spends his time reading The National Enquirer or has a yen for Brad Pitt's ex, Jennifer Aniston). In fact, Jolie has often expressed a desire to quit acting altogether to spend more time with her family.

4. She has never been accused, to my knowledge, of substance addiction, though she has admitted experimenting with drugs in her teenage years and has openly talked about her rebellious phase during adolescence.

5. The post of Goodwill Ambassador at the UN is predicated only on celebrities who wish to use their fame to advocate for causes the UN agencies wish to bring attention to. It has nothing to do with being experts in international relations. Jolie was appointed Goodwill Ambassador by the United Nations High Commission for Refugees (UNHCR) because she is a famous actress, not because of the children she adopted.

The "plain" Ms Jolie in Pakistan

Contrary to the sensationalist claptrap that this article peddles about Jolie, this is what we DO learn without doubt about Syed Talat Hussain from this article:

1. He believes all divorced or single parent families are unnatural and it is impossible to grow up happy or well-adjusted in them.

2. He hates people who hate traditions, no matter how stifling, and rebel against them.

3. He thinks all theatre actors in Pakistan are prostitutes. Actresses and perhaps all showbiz people are not worthy of any respect.

4. He enjoys making fun of people's looks, even if they are adolescent children.

5. He thinks that anyone who rebels against society's norms is destroying the good in society. Anyone who advocates equal rights for people based not on their gender, race or sexual orientation - as Jolie does - is the scum of the earth.

6. He has no problem making shit up to justify his claims.

7. He really, and I mean REALLY, hates gay people or even those who try and break down the barriers of discrimination against them through their words. He thinks of homosexuality as moral turpitude and despicable.

8. He can't imagine how any woman might find more fulfillment from another woman than a  virile man.

9. He mocks children.

10. He has deep-rooted racial prejudices.

11. He thinks adoption is unnatural and is done out of pity by people as a public relations exercise.

12. He thinks everyone in the UN is a moron who gets fooled easily by PR machines.

13. He is xenophobic and thinks there is a clear line between Western and "superior" Eastern values. He also believes the West is irretrievably morally "corrupt" as evidenced by the 'looseness' of its women.

14. He thinks Article 62 and 63 of the Pakistan Constitution - inserted by the hypocritical dictator General Ziaul Haq to manipulate the parliament - are the epitome of Eastern values.

15. He thinks stoning people to death for their personal lifestyle choices or expression of opinion is acceptable.

16. He thinks it is okay to throw mud on someone's personal life to titillate readers as long as you are just marshalling your sleaze to make an unconnected point. Even if that person is completely unknown to you and has only gone out of their way to garner sympathy for the same people you claim to be fighting for.


Most people probably do not remember the fact that this cretin of a pseudo-intellectual was often himself accused (unfairly in my opinion), in the early part of his journalistic career, of being an empty-headed boy-toy for his female boss. They also probably do not remember the vile homophobic rant he once wrote (about 10 years or so ago) as an op-ed in The News, which is no longer available in the archives on the net (if anyone can find it, please do send it along to us). But we do, even if Hussain has tried to erase this past with a carefully cultivated image of sensibility and balance. Most, however, might recall that he is as fond of invoking the bogey of "liberal extremist", to label anyone who argues for secularism or progressive politics or offers dissent against antiquated societal norms, as people like Shireen Mazari, Ahmad Quraishi, Ansar Abbasi and Hamid Mir (great club you have there Talat). Someone should ask him to actually define what a "liberal extremist" is and how many of them actually exist in this country for them to be constantly used to scare people. We might learn some more about him.

There has also been a lot of speculation about where the well-spring of this anger and bitterness against Jolie actually arises from. Personally, I think Jolie probably ignored LittleMullahBoy on her trip to Pakistan, something his narcissistic ego just could not take.

But whatever the reason, we know now what the Express' idea of editorial decency is, and we also know another thing for sure: the Dawn Media Group really should reconsider long and hard about who it is taking on. Does Syed Talat Hussain really represent the values Dawn claims to uphold?

Layoffs at Aaj, Promotions at DawnNews, Hiring at PTV

Aaj TV is going through quite a shake-up after the news of Talat Hussain's notice to leave the struggling channel. This past Saturday, about half a dozen staffers - including senior staffers - were given their pink slips and sources indicate that a total of about two dozen people face the axe in the next few days. Actually, staffers are being asked to resign to immediately receive a two-month severance pay, failing which they would be terminated and face a delay in the clearance of their dues. Understandably, most have opted to resign.

The news of this downsizing seems to strengthen rumours that Hussain will, in fact, be leaving, since sources claim that many of those being laid off were considered close to Hussain. However, he may initially only be doing a show at DawnNews rather than coming in as head of the channel as originally speculated. Sources at DawnNews indicate that the management was not ready to meet Hussain's demands of his having fiscal control over the channel as well, something he enjoyed at Aaj. Meanwhile, in a related development, DawnNews has announced to its staff that present News head, Mubashir Zaidi, will now assume charge as Chief Editor for both News and Current Affairs.

In other news, Yousuf Baig Mirza, the erstwhile Managing Director of Geo and currently head of Dunya TV, has been re-appointed Managing Director of Pakistan Television (PTV), according to an APP report in Dawn. He replaces the former Ufone head Arshad Khan who himself was on his second stint as head of the state owned broadcaster. Recall that YBM, as he is known, was first appointed head of PTV by Nawaz Sharif during his second stint as prime minister. He was retained by General Musharraf after the 1999 coup. He has now been appointed by the PPP government. Is he the most dynamic media head ever or does he just have really good PR with everyone?

Media Musical Chairs

There is such a frenetic game of musical chairs going on in the media these days that we can hardly keep up. So we decided to just do a short post, combining all the major transitions we do know about or have heard about...

First up, rumours are swirling that Fahd Hussain, who recently left Express TV to join Dunya, may be signing up with Aaj TV, where Talat Hussain recently announced his departure. According to this website, Fahd has been involved in some clashes with Dunya TV's owner Mian Aamir Mahmood and is also finding it frustrating not to yet have found a primetime slot there. We do not know how true these particular reports are but Fahd himself apparently refuses to either confirm or deny the rumours of negotiations with Aaj, which might be some sort of indication.

Matters are complicated by further rumours that Talat Hussain's apparent move to DawnNews may have hit snags over his desire to bring with him about half a dozen other subordinates at fairly high salaries, at which DawnNews management has balked. There are also reports that Aaj management is going full throttle to retain Talat by offering to address the issues he had with the channel. If indeed either or both of these reports are true, and Talat does in fact stay at Aaj, obviously there would not be any empty slot for Fahd to move into.

In any case, that's enough of the rumours. What is certain are the following:

Sana Bucha, the host of Crisis Cell who recently resigned from Geo to go to ARY, is coming back to Geo, believe it or not. Apparently, she began having doubts about her move to ARY almost immediately upon signing up with them, realizing (a bit late) that she would be reporting to one President Dr S&M there. Even before she had formally begun work there, however, she therefore allowed herself to be poached by the Express Media Group. This is when it got even more interesting. Having signed up with Express (in what capacity, whether for the Express Tribune or for their channels, we are not quite sure), she was beseeched by a rather dramatic Mir Ibrahim Rahman (MIR) to come back to the Geo fold. Apparently she was put under a lot of family pressure (the Rahmans know her family) and finally buckled on the condition that MIR would handle the embarrassment with the Express management. In this short, almost virtual job hopping spree, it is said that she managed to come back to Geo at double her previous salary. A good strategy if you can swing it.

Meanwhile, from the looks of this return, the negotiations that Geo was having with Meher Bokhari (which have been confirmed) to wean her away from Samaa, seem to have come to naught.

But Geo has managed to snag one other big fish, so to speak. As we reported earlier (in rumour terms), Dr Shahista Wahidi is all set to take over the morning show at Geo, replacing the once-favoured Nadia Khan. Wahidi has left ARY and scooted over to Geo's welcoming arms at a whopping salary. Her stint will begin anon.

In already established news, Zaffar Abbas has formally taken over (on October 4) as Editor Dawn from the departing Abbas Nasir, who has moved back to London with his family after four-years at the helm of the paper. And Aaj TV has introduced former bureaucrat and columnist Orya Maqbool Jan and former The News editor Salim Bokhari as the bickering replacements for Mushtaq Minhas and Nusrat Javed in their Bolta Pakistan programme. The latter duo, as we all know, now bicker over at Dunya TV on Dunya Mere Aagay.

On an unrelated note, Arif Nizami's Pakistan Today is now said to launch today (October 5) in Lahore and, interestingly, will be published in the tabloid format, making it the country's first such daily.

More Breaking (Away) News

We have confirmed that Aaj TV's Executive Director News and Current Affairs, and host of his own show, Syed Talat Hussain, has put in his papers at the channel. He is set to bid goodbye to the struggling-for-ratings news channel at the end of October.

Even more interesting, however, are reports that he will be joining the even-more-struggling DawnNews which is trying its best to pull itself out of its forlorn legacy as an English-language channel. According to insider sources, staff at DawnNews have already been told to expect Hussain to take over as overall head of the newly-Urduized news channel in November.

Syed Talat Hussain: 'Aaj' here, come 'Dawn' somewhere else

Aaj TV, which had been begun by the Recorder Television Network (part of the Business Recorder Group) with quite a bit of fanfare in 2005 as primarily a business news-cum-entertainment channel along the lines of CNBC in the US, has struggled to define itself in a fast expanding and changing media market. Part of the reason for this was a belated realization that there was not much of a market for a business-focused channel in Pakistan (as CNBC Pakistan also found later) and partly it was because of the entertainment revenues-feeding-news gathering model being turned on its head in Pakistan. To their shock, most channels realized within a few years that the appetite for news and current affairs was far greater in the country than for entertainment programming.

After General Musharraf's amended media regulations in 2007, under which channels had to choose between news and entertainment, Aaj jettisoned most of its entertainment programming and focused rightly on news but could never match the resources of either Geo or (at that time) ARY. A steady trickle of trained staff to other channels did not help either, nor did the gradual wearing off of the novelty and falling viewership of its one genuine hit programme "Late Night With Begum Nawazish Ali."

Recently, it has seen its star plummet further as newer entrants such as Dunya TV and Express TV outstripped its market share for the No.2 and No.3 slots (the top slot of course going to Geo, which is far ahead of all others in terms of ratings). This despite bringing in Talat Hussain, who was, at least initially, considered a more sober and news-savvy alternative to the shriekfests on other channels. The news ratings continued to slide, despite a relaunch in 2009 as a 24-hour news channel. And the mostly mediocre-but well watched (in its 11pm time slot) "Bolta Pakistan" began to lose the plot, substituting irritating homeliness for real analysis or insight. (It didn't help that Dunya TV's jocular offering, "Hasb-e-Haal" destroyed everyone else in the 11pm slot.) The latter's Stan and Laurel Hardy duo - Mushtaq Minhas and Nusrat Javed - were in fact eventually weaned away by Dunya TV, not that many cared. That left only the "4 Man Show", considered by most as too juvenile for serious viewership, and Talat Hussain's flagship "Live With Talat"as the non-news programming highlights for Aaj.

Trying hip: Aaj TV's witty billboard ad in 2007 (Source: Karachi Metblogs)

But "Live With Talat", despite its occasional excellence (particularly its coverage of the army operation in Swat), suffered from being pit at 10pm against Geo's "Aaj Kamran Khan Kay Saath" which, for better or worse, even Geo's fiercest governmental critics watch, if only to make their blood boil. Lately, however, it seemed Hussain had also succumbed to the demands of sensationalism-as-ratings-boosters and begun to promote wild (and planted) stories as well as taking a decidedly more hawkish line.

According to Aaj TV insiders, Talat Hussain had also been engaged in a geographical power tussle at the channel. Based in Islamabad himself, he wanted to move even micro-control of the newsroom to Islamabad. This of course sat well neither with the Zuberis (owners of the channel), who are all based in Karachi, nor with the people who managed the newsroom in Karachi. To be fair to the latter, however, Hussain's model which apparently involved all input going to Islamabad and output coming from Karachi would have been pretty unworkable from a practical point of view.

In any case, Hussain's departure will probably make Aaj TV further irrelevant in the news media market, unless it is able to pull the some proverbial rabbit out of the hat.

On the other hand, DawnNews will gain at least some credibility in the short term with his coming on board and will also benefit from the viewership that he brings to whatever programme he hosts at the channel. In fact, DawnNews had also attempted to lure Hussain earlier and Dawn Group insiders say the management was quite miffed when he used their almost final negotiations then to negotiate a better package at Aaj. However, all of this bitter history seems to have been swept under the carpet because of DawnNews' own precarious situation. Dawn Group's management will be hoping that he can turn their fortunes around - his is the fifth or sixth top level editorial management change at the channel in its short history.

One issue will still linger, however, which is very similar to Hussain's problems at Aaj: will he attempt to micro-manage a newsroom based in Karachi while sitting in Islamabad? Apparently, Hussain is still reluctant to move cities and with him coming in above Director News Mubashir Zaidi (who was moved from Islamabad to Karachi for this express purpose), there is a chance for friction to develop.

 International recognition: Talat Hussain on board Gaza-bound flotilla

It also remains to be seen how Hussain, well known for having a rather large ego (he was recently dubbed 'Flotzilla' for his well publicized exploits as one of the journalists on board the Turkish flotilla to Gaza that attempted to break the illegal Israeli blockade and came under Israeli attack), fits in with the Dawn Group's more low-profile culture. Remember, this is the same journalist who once, while still heading Aaj and hosting a current affairs show, saw nothing problematic about appearing in a Head & Shoulders shampoo ad. Anyone have a Youtube link to that?

After Paul the octopus, can we now have a Zardari-hating kangaroo?

So a German octopus has been more adept at predicting the outcome of matches in the football World Cup than a thousand highly paid human pundits. And now the eight-tentacled Paul has competition from Mani, a parakeet from Singapore, a female octopus, Pauline, from Holland, an Estonian chimpanzee (Pino) and an African Red River Hog.

Paul: just one of many oracles

Almost as exciting as speculation about the ultimate winner on Sunday is the parallel side match between these oracles from the animal kingdom: for example, Paul has wrapped Spain in his tight embrace, while his feathered rival has pecked Holland. Should a gambler now rush to be smothered by Paul, go for Mani in the hope of feathering his nest, or hog the limelight with the African beast?

I have it on good authority that Geo has cottoned on to this exciting development and has decided to embark on a new cost-cutting. crowd-pleasing drama. Negotiations are currently under way between the leading media group and a bewildering array of animals, minerals and vegetables, to take over the slot vacated by Dr Shahid Masood. Geo is now apparently talent-hunting for a creature who goes hysterical and loses his marbles every time the name Zardari is mentioned. According to inside sources, a kangaroo who punches anyone who says the 'Z' word is tipped for the coveted slot. The only problem is that kangaroos don't particularly scream too much or have any particular ideological affinity to General Hamid Gul. The other main candidate is a big fat bee that not only drones on and on but unfailingly stings PPP sympathisers on prime time as a divine sign of imminent doom for their party.

Highly unreliable sources claim that a top channel has also hired Kaka, a Lyari mule, to spot a fake degree from a mile. The animal is known to kick wildly in the air when someone's degree is from a dodgy online university ('Dr' Babar Awan and 'Dr' Aamir Liaquat got the treatment in a pilot study) and expel a load of dung when the degree in question is a downright forgery. When confronted with the newly re-elected honourable PPP member from Muzzafargarh, Kaka is believed to have contracted severe diaorrhea. As they say on PIA, apna Dasti samaan saath le jaana na bhooleye.

Not to be left behind, other channels have also got in on the act, with Samaa torn between hiring a screeching parakeet or a hyena to replace Meher and Jasmine, and ARY negotiating with a chhipkali to take over from Dr Danish on his night off without too many people noticing the swap. Not only can these creatures screech or slither on cue, but they can tell you the exact date on which we will be rid of this fascist democracy and get a good, decent authoritarian regime in its place. 

Express TV was talking to a big bug-eyed right wing creature but discovered that he is already on their staff and is ostensibly human. He goes by the name of Javed Chaudhry. Aaj continues its search for a fish oracle that witnessed a brave Pakistani journalist's exploits aboard a Gaza-bound flotilla attacked by Israelis. The creature is meant to leap up in the air every time Talat Hussain is within a half-mile vicinity and scream " death to Israel".

Unfortunately, Geo got there first. The cuddly, extremist-spotting blind dolphin from Sukkur that was witness to that episode during its Mediterranean holidays, was about to bag a major slot on the Jang Group's channel, but has developed certain irreconciliable differences with Hamid Mir. The normally peaceful creature, blind fool that it is, even developed shark-like tendencies and attacked poor Ansar Abbasi the other day. Mr Mir would prefer to hire an ostrich who can't spot a Taliban horde even if it is hit on the head by one. Sadly, the big bird has opted instead for a senior position in the Punjab government.

Any ideas about novel animals our channels can hire to liven things up?