Pathetic Express

I don't watch Kamran Shahid's show. I really don't. That's why I had to be told by another Pyala that I should probably see what happened on his show on Express TV yesterday. Having now seen the show in its entirety, I can safely say that my initial position was well-founded.

Here was a show on Balochistan, whose dire situation is, thankfully, finally receiving some space in the media that has long shut its eyes hoping uncomfortable truths would all just go away. Recently there have been a few eloquent and blood-curdling pieces in the print media as well as no-nonsense coverage on some television channels. Some of the best coverage in the mainstream print media has been in Dawn: Here is veteran journalist I. A. Rehman today on "Balochistan's Agony", here is writer Mohammed Hanif's heart-rending front-page piece on February 11 on "The Baloch Who Is Not Missing", and here is Dawn's strong editorial on the same subject a day after. Some of the best programmes on Balochistan have been on the channel everyone loves to hate, Geo. Geo's Lekin, hosted by Sana Bucha, has raised difficult questions about Balochistan a number of times and a recent edition of Aapas Ki Baat provided a very balanced primer on the issues via the programme's in-house analyst Najam Sethi. Even Hamid Mir on Capital Talk has done a series of hard-hitting and much needed programmes on the subject.

Let's just say Kamran Shahid's Frontline will never make that list of thought-provoking programmes.

I watched the first half of the show uncomfortably, not because of the issues that were being discussed, but because of the host's obvious duggapan - I'm sorry but there is no other word that comes to mind for him. He has a knack of making even valid questions seem like cluelessly crude rhetoric. But while discussing a situation as much of a political tinderbox as Balochistan has become, possibly the last thing an anchor sitting in the Punjab should be doing is making incendiary statements with little sense of how they could and would be perceived. In any case, while it was a tense viewing experience things did not completely deteriorate, thanks mainly to the patience of both former Chief Minister Akhtar Mengal and the PPP's Lashkari Raisani, who answered fairly provocative questions without erupting.

And then all hell broke loose. Kamran Shahid took Jamhoori Watan Party head and son of slain Baloch leader Akbar Bugti, Talal Bugti, on line and this is what followed with All Pakistan Muslim League representative Barrister Saif:




Now, there are times when really one is at a complete loss for words. What can I really say here that is not totally, utterly and absolutely self-evident?

Yes, Talal Bugti's regurgitation of his old rhetoric calling for the vigilante killing of General Musharraf (which we have criticised before here) was uncalled for, but Barrister Saif's violent and blatantly vulgar response was in this case even more reprehensible and condemnable. If there is a bigger villain, however, it is Kamran Shahid, the producers of his crappy show and the management of Express TV who allowed this exchange to go on air. Note how all of them were content to let this utter hogwash continue for a full two and a half minutes after it became clear that things were getting out of hand. Why? Simply because it is now considered a good ratings booster to have such conflagarations on television. And if people cross the line, all the better. In fact, Express has had a similar experience before with Talal Bugti which is obviously why they decided to pit him once again against a Musharraf supporter.

It's about time that PEMRA woke up and put an end to this sorry trend that almost makes you yearn for the sobriety of the old Pakistan Television. Pathetic. An uttterly pathetic excuse for a 'talk show'. And even more pathetic that such ratings chicanery should be played out on a topic as important as Balochistan.

The Return (and Resurgence) of Napier

The recent spate of violence, mayhem and bloodletting in Karachi has drawn a number of responses, ranging from the outraged to the resigned, the depressed and confused. And all of them are understandable on their own terms. It would be fair to say, however, that in a city as teeming, complex and diverse, there is no single truth about the causes for the flare-up that trumps all others. Every actor in this sordid saga can (and does) point to the actions of other actors as an excuse for their own villainy.

'The burnt out ends of smoky days' (Photo source: Times of Karachi)

If the MQM operates like a mafia, there is also no denying the underworld nexus that parties like the PPP and ANP are using to carve out their own slice of turf in the city. If Karachi's law enforcement is inefficient, corrupt and politicized, it is not an aberration from the rest of Pakistan where the writ of the state has been steadily eroded. If politicians are venal and self-serving about their political ends, this city has not been spared the shenanigans of the military's nefarious tactics to ensure they have the means to keep the political kettle boiling. If people from all over Pakistan stream to the city because of its higher professionalism, employment opportunities and avenues for making money, there are also those who resent the ever widening gap between the affluent and themselves. Where Karachi is Pakistan's most cosmopolitan and ethnically diverse city by far, its diversity also creates the conditions for easy friction between cultural identities and is a magnet for those who wish to take advantage of it. Add in the desire for political and economic clout to diminishing respect for the state's writ, the complexity of administering a megapolis in general and in times of a regional shadowy militancy in particular, severely strained resources and constrained availability of land and you have a truly volatile mixture.

Does this mean that the anarchy let loose on Karachi in recent days could not have been prevented? No, it definitely involved actors who benefited - at least in their perceptions - in some way from it and it was fueled by leaders without vision (some may argue, basic humanity) who believe the best route to getting what they want is brinkmanship of the most dangerous kind. But what it does mean is that these sort of spells will recur (as they have before) unless and until the issues that underlie these conflagarations are addressed in some cogent, cohesive manner and unless at least the majority of stakeholders recognize that the status quo will not hold. It is not just a matter of allaying the current insecurities of the MQM (as the PPP seems to believe) or satisfying the local political ambitions of the ANP. There are serious chronic issues to do with land-use, planning, administration, distribution of resources and law enforcement that need to be tackled. Otherwise new problems, one example of which is this, will keep rearing their heads.

But this is actually not what I wanted to address in this post. What I wanted to look at was an intriguing aside to the current flare-up, how the seemingly raging fires of political instability were suddenly damped down. Consider the following timeline:

August 3 (Just Past Midnight): MQM supremo Altaf Hussain issues a fiery statement, full of rhetoric, asking the people of Karachi to stock up on at least a month's rations (even if they need to sell valuables to do it) and to be ready for sacrifice for the 'cause'.

August 3 (Morning): Fears of what is implied in Hussain's speech lead to palpable tension in Karachi and a run on stores as people stock up for impending shut-downs and further violence.

August 3 (Afternoon): British Foreign and Commonwealth Office Minister for South Asia Alistair Burt calls up Sindh Governor Dr Ishrat-ul-Ebad. According to the official press release, Mr Burt said:

"This morning I spoke to the Governor of Sindh Dr. Khan to expressed my concern at the continuing violence and loss of life that Karachi has faced in recent weeks.  I encouraged the Governor in his ongoing strong personal engagement to restore law and order.  I warned that inflammatory statements from any political party risked making the situation worse and that all political leaders and their parties have a duty to refrain from inciting violence and to reduce tensions and restore calm.  I reiterated the view of Her Majesty’s Government that the stability of Karachi is in the interests of all in Pakistan and the wider international community.  I said that peace and prosperity in Karachi was necessary to encourage further foreign direct investment which would be vital to Pakistan’s future economic growth and stability."

August 3 (Evening): Altaf Hussain makes another, milder speech, this time with nary a word about stocking up on rations. Even more intriguingly, he makes half the speech in English.

August 4: Altaf Hussain issues an unprecedented apology for his earlier speech, claiming his talk about stocking up on rations was misunderstood and that he never meant to offend anyone. He also appreciates the paramilitary Rangers' actions at Kati Pahari, the area at the centre of the storm. Conciliatory statements also come from the MQM's bete noir PPP Sindh Minister Zulfiqar Mirza who speaks respectfully about "Governor sahib" who he had dubbed a "bhagora" (fugitive) just a few days ago.

August 5: MQM members of parliament attend the Sindh Chief Minister's iftar party in a seemingly convivial mood, strengthening rumours that the MQM has come to an understanding with the PPP. President Zardari formally invites the MQM to yet again join the government.

Sindh CM Qaim Ali Shah with MQM leader of the 'opposition' Syed Raza Haroon at iftar (Photo: Whitestar/ Dawn) 

One can only speculate about what the exact reasons are for the British to take such a leading and active role in this reconciliation. Could it be that they were asked to do so? It's important to recall that anarchy in Karachi not only threatens the entire economy and stability of Pakistan (more than 70% of Pakistan's tax revenues are generated from the city) but also obviously port operations - which is the hub of the NATO supply lines into Afghanistan. It would also do well to recall that it would not be the first time that the British have played foot-soldiers for their allies. And as WikiLeaks has divulged, it's not the first time that the US and the UK have coordinated their efforts with regards to Karachi and the MQM either.

It could also well have to do with Britain's own interests in Pakistan too. After all, trade between the UK and Pakistan is well over 1 billion pounds (mutual direct investment adds about another 300 million pounds)  and has been rising significantly and more than 100 British companies operate in Pakistan including the giants Unilever, Shell, GlaxoSmithKline, Standard Chartered Bank, HSBC and Barclays. British pharmaceutical companies also control over 30% of the market share in Pakistan and Britain has also earmarked over 1.3 billion pounds in aid for Pakistan over the next 4 years.

But far more interesting would be to understand why the British have the leverage they do in the current situation and why they are likely to play an increasingly significant political role in the future. Consider the following simple facts:

* Altaf Hussain, Leader of the MQM: Lives in self-exile in London. Is now a British citizen with a British passport. The MQM's 'International Secretariat' is also based in London. And as slyly pointed out by journalist Abbas Nasir in his column in Dawn today, "the British government has acquired greater leverage over some of the political exiles on its soil because an amendment to the immigration laws in 2006 empowers it to revoke the nationality of any naturalised dual national if the decision was deemed for the 'public good.'"

* Asif Zardari, Co-Chairperson of the PPP: Has property in the UK including Rockwood, the infamous "Surrey Palace" (Abbas Nasir has reminded me that Rockwood was sold off to pay debts). Has a son and daughter studying in the UK.

* Bilawal Bhutto Zardari, Chairperson of the PPP: Studying and living in the UK.

* Yousuf Raza Gilani, Prime Minister: Has a son studying in the UK.

* Nawaz Sharif, President of the PMLN: Has property in the UK including flats in super-posh Mayfair. Wife is currently under medical treatment in the UK. Keep in mind also the British assessment of Sharif's future as detailed in this secret US diplomatic cable released by WikiLeaks.

* Shahbaz Sharif, Chief Minister of the Punjab: Has property in the UK including at least one flat in Mayfair.

* Pervez Musharraf, head of APML: Lives with wife in London, has property there including a flat in Edgeware and is provided security by Scotland Yard.

* Imran Khan, Chairman PTI: Former wife and two sons are British citizens and live in London.


It pays to be even a former colonial power doesn't it? The US can try whatever it wants to gain influence in Pakistan but even it realizes that the British do have first mover advantage.

Fast Friends (Redacted)

I was actually going to put up a different post, on Pak-US relations, tonight but some last minute technical glitches mean that post will have to wait another day at least. Meanwhile, the next big political scandal is about to hit the headlines so I thought we could give you all a bit of a heads-up.

Some of you may have already heard about the Kim Barker - Nawaz Sharif hullabaloo (if you haven't, I can assure you you will be hearing a lot more of it in the coming days). I learnt about it only after a journo colleague mentioned it in vague terms. Then I came across a clip of Mubashar Lucman's show on Dunya TV from a couple of days ago discussing the same in his usual sensational manner (which @kamran9558 sent us). In case you don't have any idea of what I'm referring to, it basically involves what former South Asia correspondent for the Chicago Tribune and current ProPublica reporter Kim Barker has written in her book The Taliban Shuffle: Strange Days in Afghanistan and Pakistan about her interactions with Sharif. Let's just say that it doesn't paint an entirely flattering picture of the former prime minister. The book came out in the US about a month ago and having sold out in bookstores across Pakistan (probably in small numbers), is being re-ordered in large quantities.

Kim Barker, author of 'The Taliban Shuffle'

We all know why Dunya would be interested in making the contents of this book into an issue (Dunya's owner, Mian Aamir Mahmood, is of course associated with Sharif's rival party the PMLQ). Now Sharif's other nemesis, General Musharraf has jumped into the fray calling on Sharif to apologize to the nation for, according to him, helping Barker find the whereabouts of Mumbai attacker Ajmal Qasab's hometown and for leaking "important intelligence reports of the country" to her. It should be pointed out that the book is about much more than Sharif (it is scathing, for example, about Afghan President Hamid Karzai who Barker calls "whiny and conflicted, a combination of Woody Allen, Chicken Little and Jimmy Carter"). But, as far as Pakistan is concerned, I am willing to bet that the Sharif-related episodes are what are going to sell this book.

I have to admit that I found the Nawaz Sharif-related writing hilarious. It confirmed much of what one already knows about Sharif, his ability to be easily distracted, his obsession with hi-tech gadgetry and his inherent shyness which manifests itself in an inability to communicate. But unfortunately for him, it also depicts a lonely, almost desperate man. I say unfortunately for him because it is this evidence of his humanity which is probably going to be used by his political opponents to attack him.

Since all sorts of people will come up with all sorts of spin on the contents of the book, I thought I would share with our readers some choice excerpts from the book related to the author's conversations with Nawaz Sharif. You really have to read through the excerpts to understand how Barker's relationship develops with Sharif. These excerpts are shared without comment and without authentification as to their veracity; you are free to make up your own mind about them.

Warning: This is a fairly lengthy post. But you will understand the reason for the length once you read through the excerpts. And I am fairly certain you will enjoy it.


******


:::UPDATE:::


Because of a request from author Kim Barker we are removing the lengthy excerpts originally posted below. A few shorter excerpts remain to provide a taste of the book.


******



From "The Taliban Shuffle" by Kim Barker (published by Doubleday):

"With Bhutto gone, I needed to meet the lion of Punjab, or maybe the tiger. No one seemed to know which feline Nawaz Sharif was nicknamed after. Some fans rode around with stuffed toy lions strapped to their cars. Others talked about the tiger of Punjab. By default, Sharif, a former prime minister like Bhutto, had become the most popular opposition leader in the country. He was already the most powerful politician in Punjab, which was the most powerful of Pakistan’s four provinces, home to most of the army leaders and past rulers. Some people described Sharif as the Homer Simpson of Pakistan. Others considered him a right-wing wing nut. Still others figured he could save the country. Sharif was once considered an invention of the establishment, a protégé of the former military dictator in Pakistan, General Zia, but like all politicians here, he had become a creature of himself. During his second term, Sharif built my favorite road in Pakistan, a hundred and seventy miles of paved, multilaned bliss.....

......

"One of Sharif’s friends tried to explain him to me: “He might be tilting a little to the right, but he’s not an extremist. Extremists don’t go do hair implants. He also loves singing.” 

          ......

"The inside of the house appeared to have been designed by Saudi Arabia—a hodge-podge of crystal chandeliers, silk curtains, gold accents, marble. A verse of the Holy Quran and a carpet with the ninety-nine names of God hung on the walls of Sharif’s receiving room, along with photographs of Sharif with King Abdullah and slain former Lebanese prime minister Rafik Hariri. Finally I was summoned. “Kim,” Sharif’s media handler said, gesturing toward the ground. “Come.” I hopped up and walked toward the living room, past two raggedy stuffed lions with rose petals near their feet. So maybe Sharif was the lion of Punjab... His press aide tapped his watch, looked at me, and raised his eyebrows. I got the message and proceeded with my questions, as fast as I could. But it soon became clear that this would be unlike any interview I had ever done. 

“You’re the only senior opposition leader left in Pakistan. How are you going to stay safe while campaigning?” In Pakistan, campaigns were not run through TV, and pressing the flesh was a job requirement. Candidates won over voters by holding rallies of tens and hundreds of thousands of people. Even though Sharif was not personally running, his appearance would help win votes for anyone in his party. 

Sharif looked at me, sighed, and shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s a good question. What do you think, Kim?”

“I don’t know. I’m not the former prime minister of Pakistan. So what will you do?”
“Really, I don’t know. What do you think?”

This put me in an awkward position—giving security advice to Nawaz Sharif. “Well, it’s got to be really difficult. You have these elections coming up. You can’t just sit here at home.”
“What should I do?” he asked. “I can’t run a campaign sitting in my house, on the television.” 

...... 

"I stood up. Sharif’s aide was already standing. “I should probably be going,” I said. “Thanks very much for your time.” “Yes, Mian Sahib’s schedule is very busy,” Sharif’s handler agreed.  

“It’s all right,” Sharif said. “She can ask a few more questions.” I sat down. I had whipped through most of my important questions, so I recycled them. I asked him whether he was a fundamentalist. Sharif dismissed the idea, largely by pointing to his friendship with the Clintons. I tried to leave again, fearing I was overstaying my welcome. But Sharif said I could ask more questions. “One more,” I said, wary of Sharif’s aide. Then I asked the question that was really on my mind.  

“Which are you—the lion or the tiger?”

Sharif didn’t even blink. “I am the tiger,” he said.

“But why do some people call you the lion?”

“I do not know. I am the tiger.”

“But why do you have two stuffed lions?”

“They were a gift. I like them.” 

...... 

"We drove to the next rally. I looked at my BlackBerry and spotted one very interesting e-mail—a Human Rights Watch report, quoting a taped conversation from November between the country’s pro-Musharraf attorney general and an unnamed man. The attorney general had apparently been talking to a reporter, and while on that call, took another call, where he talked about vote rigging. The reporter had recorded the entire conversation. I scanned through the e-mail. 

“Nawaz,” I said. I had somehow slipped into calling the former prime minister by his first name. “have to hear this.” I then performed a dramatic reading of the message in full, culminating in the explosive direct quote from the attorney general, recorded the month before Bhutto was killed and just before Sharif flew home... It was unclear what the other man was saying, but Human Rights Watch said the attorney general appeared to be advising him to leave Sharif’s party and get a ticket from “these guys,” the pro-Musharraf party, the massive vote riggers. 

Sharif’s aide stared at me openmouthed. “Is that true? I can’t believe that.” “It’s from Human Rights Watch,” I said. “There’s apparently a tape recording. Pretty amazing.”  

Sharif just looked at me. “How can you get a text message that long on your telephone?”  

“It’s an e-mail,” I said, slightly shocked that Sharif was unconcerned about what I had just said. “This is a BlackBerry phone. You can get e-mail on it.” 

“Ah, e-mail,” he said. “I must look into this BlackBerry.” 

        
          ......

"After more than eight years of political irrelevance, Sharif was back. I sent him a text message and asked him to call. A few hours later, he did, thrilled with his victory.  

“I saw a car today, where a man had glued blankets to it and painted it like a tiger,” I told him at one point. “Really?” he asked. “Yeah. It was a tiger car.”

He paused. “What did you think of the tiger car, Kim? Did you like the tiger car?”  

Weird question. I gave an appropriate answer. “Who doesn’t like a tiger car?” 

...... 

"This time, in a large banquet hall filled with folding chairs and a long table, Sharif told his aides that he would talk to me alone. At the time, I barely noticed. We talked about Zardari, but he spoke carefully and said little of interest, constantly glancing at my tape recorder like it was radioactive. Eventually, he nodded toward it. “Can you turn that off?” he asked. 

“Sure,” I said, figuring he wanted to tell me something off the record. 

“So. Do you have a friend, Kim?” Sharif asked. I was unsure what he meant. 

“I have a lot of friends,” I replied. 

“No. Do you have a friend?” 

I figured it out. 

“You mean a boyfriend?” “Yes.” I looked at Sharif. I had two options—lie, or tell the truth. And because I wanted to see where this line of questioning was going, I told the truth. “I had a boyfriend. We recently broke up.” I nodded my head stupidly, as if to punctuate this thought. 

“Why?” Sharif asked. “Was he too boring for you? Not fun enough?” 

“Um. No. It just didn’t work out.” 

“Oh. I cannot believe you do not have a friend,” Sharif countered. 

“No. Nope. I don’t. I did.” 

“Do you want me to find one for you?” Sharif asked.

To recap: The militants were gaining strength along the border with Afghanistan and staging increasingly bold attacks in the country’s cities. The famed Khyber Pass, linking Pakistan and Afghanistan, was now too dangerous to drive. The country appeared as unmoored and directionless as a headless chicken. And here was Sharif, offering to find me a friend. Thank God the leaders of Pakistan had their priorities straight.

“Sure. Why not?” I said.

The thought of being fixed up on a date by the former prime minister of Pakistan, one of the most powerful men in the country and, at certain points, the world, proved irresistible. It had true train-wreck potential.

......

"In the sitting room, I immediately turned on my tape recorder and rattled off questions. Was Sharif at the negotiations? What was happening? He denied being at any meetings, despite press reports to the contrary. I pushed him. He denied everything. I wondered why he let me drive all this way, if he planned to tell me nothing. At least I’d get free food. 

He looked at my tape recorder and asked me to turn it off. Eventually I obliged. Then Sharif brought up his real reason for inviting me to lunch.

“Kim. I have come up with two possible friends for you.” 
At last. “Who?”

He waited a second, looked toward the ceiling, then seemingly picked the top name from his subconscious. “The first is Mr. Z.”

That was disappointing. Sharif definitely was not taking this project seriously. “Zardari? No way. That will never happen,” I said. 

“What’s wrong with Mr. Zardari?” Sharif asked. “Do you not find him attractive?” 

Bhutto’s widower, Asif Ali Zardari, was slightly shorter than me and sported slicked-back hair and a mustache, which he was accused of dying black right after his wife was killed, right before his first press conference. On many levels, I did not find Zardari attractive. I would have preferred celibacy. But that wasn’t the point. Perhaps I could use this as a teaching moment. 

“He is the president of Pakistan. I am a journalist. That would never happen.” 

“He is single.” Very true—but I didn’t think that was a good enough reason. “I can call him for you,” Sharif insisted. I’m fairly certain he was joking. 

“I’m sure he has more important things to deal with,” I replied.  

“OK. No Mr. Z. The second option, I will discuss with you later,” he said. That did not sound promising. 

......

"I needed to get out of there. “I have to go.” 

“First, come for a walk with me outside, around the grounds. I want to show you Raiwind.” 

“No. I have to go. I have to go to Afghanistan tomorrow.” 

Sharif ignored that white lie and started to talk about where he wanted to take me. “I would like to take you for a ride in the country, and take you for lunch at a restaurant in Lahore, but because of my position, I cannot.” 

......

"Once the interview was finished, Sharif looked at me. “Can you ask your translator to leave?” he asked. “I need to talk to you.” My translator looked at me with a worried forehead wrinkle. “It’s OK,” I said. He left.

Sharif then looked at my tape recorder. “Can you turn that off?” I obliged.

“I have to go,” I said. “I have to write a story.” 

He ignored me. “I have bought you an iPhone,” he said. 

“I can’t take it.” 

“Why not? It is a gift.” 

“No. It’s completely unethical, you’re a source.” 

“But we are friends, right?” I had forgotten how Sharif twisted the word “friend.” 

“Sure, we’re friendly, but you’re still the former prime minister of Pakistan and I can’t take an iPhone from you,” I said. 

“But we are friends,” he countered. “I don’t accept that. I told you I was buying you an iPhone.” 

“I told you I couldn’t take it. And we’re not those kind of friends.” 

He tried a new tactic. “Oh, I see. Your translator is here, and you do not want him to see me give you an iPhone. That could be embarrassing for you.” 

Exasperated, I agreed. “That’s it.” 

He then offered to meet me the next day, at a friend’s apartment in Lahore, to give me the iPhone and have tea. No, I said. I was going to Faridkot. 

Sharif finally came to the point. “Kim. I am sorry I was not able to find you a friend. I tried, but I failed.” He shook his head, looked genuinely sad about the failure of the project. 

“That’s OK,” I said. “Really. I don’t really want a friend right now. I am perfectly happy without a friend. I want to be friendless.” 

He paused. And then, finally, the tiger of Punjab pounced. “I would like to be your friend.” 

I didn’t even let him get the words out. “No. Absolutely not. Not going to happen.” 

“Hear me out.” He held his hand toward me to silence my negations as he made his pitch. He could have said anything—that he was a purported billionaire who had built my favorite road in Pakistan, that he could buy me a power plant or build me a nuclear weapon. But he opted for honesty. 

“I know, I’m not as tall as you’d like,” Sharif explained. “I’m not as fit as you’d like. I’m fat, and I’m old. But I would still like to be your friend.”  

“No,” I said. “No way.”

He then offered me a job running his hospital, a job I was eminently unqualified to perform. “It’s a huge hospital,” he said. “You’d be very good at it.” He said he would only become prime minister again if I were his secretary. I thought about it for a few seconds—after all, I would probably soon be out of a job. But no. The new position’s various positions would not be worth it. 

Eventually, I got out of the tiger’s grip, but only by promising that I would consider his offer. Otherwise, he wouldn’t let me leave. I jumped into the car, pulled out my tape recorder, and recited our conversation. Samad shook his head. My translator put his head in his hands. “I’m embarrassed for my country,” he said. 

After that, I knew I could never see Sharif again. I was not happy about this—I liked Sharif. In the back of my mind, maybe I had hoped he would come through with a possible friend, or that we could have kept up our banter, without an iPhone lurking in the closet. But now I saw him as just another sad case, a recycled has-been who squandered his country’s adulation and hope, who thought hitting on a foreign journalist was a smart move. Which it clearly wasn’t."

......

Who's Afraid of Pervez Musharraf?

I'm no supporter of Pervez Musharraf the politician but the reaction to his announcement to formally re-enter politics is really bordering on the absurd now. Are the Jang Group and the Pakistan Muslim League (Nawaz) really so scared of his potential impact on electoral politics that they are going out of their way to attack him? I mean, it's one thing to make fun of his idea of Facebook hordes sweeping him to victory, quite another to start frothing at the mouth and devote half a news bulletin every hour to undermine him. One would have thought that he would be considered as politically irrelevant as all ex-army chiefs before him, but the juvenile manner in which he is being targeted is probably giving him a far greater political stature than he deserves at the moment.

The prime example of this juvenility was Geo's edit of his speech in Birmingham, where two obviously unrelated strands of thought - "main...jhoot bolne se..." [...by lying..] and "...main... mujhe dar nahin lagta.." [I am not one to be  afraid] - were taken out of context and presented as if Musharraf was admitting to not being afraid of lying.





Even in the edit, it's obvious that Musharraf had broken his train of thought and said something unrelated to the first part. Yet it was presented as a Freudian admission of a character flaw. It's the sort of thing video editors would have a chuckle over in their spare time, hardly the kind of thing worthy of mainstream television news. But even more incredibly, people like Opposition Leader Chaudhry Nisar, PML(N) Spokespersons Pervez Rashid and Ahson Iqbal kept referring to that silly edit as if it was a statement of fact in all seriousness.

When a media group refers to someone as 'Crazy', 'Hypocrite' and 'Coward' in the news headlines of its papers and further goes on to wildly exaggerate the dissent at his rally and label him 'anti-Islam'  (all in the first three days of his launching his political party), you know there's some curious agenda at play. The point is not that people - and particularly certain political victims of General Musharraf's reign - cannot have strong opinions about him and express them. The point is whether a media house and journalists have any business passing such incendiary judgements outside the opinion and editorial pages.

But today even the limits of strong political opinion have been crossed. Today we have Talal Bugti, indolent son of slain Baloch sardar Nawab Akbar Bugti, openly proclaiming Musharraf as "wajib-ul-qatl" [condemned to be killed] and offering a bounty of one billion rupees and 1000 acres of land to anyone who would behead him! News of the press conference, conducted jointly with the PML(N)'s Sardar Yaqoob Nasir, and where this offer was made, was carried without any cautionary editorial remarks by Geo. (Would Geo be so indulgent if, for example, the Taliban had called for General Kayani to be murdered? How about if someone had placed a bounty on Mir Shakil's head?)

Talal Bugti with PML(N)'s Raja Zafarul Haq in 2008: aiding and abetting?

Talal Bugti claims that Musharraf is condemned to death because a) he had subverted the constitution by overthrowing the elected government in 1999 and b) had killed his father. Of course, not for him the niceties of an actual trial in a court of law to determine guilt. Probably believing that the rest of the world operates under the same set of rules with which Bugti sardars govern their lands, he has not only found Musharraf guilty but pronounced the sentence and called upon any random person to carry it out. This is pure criminality, contempt of the law of the land and open incitement to murder.

Talal Bugti deserves to be arrested and tried himself. And those who aided and abetted the announcement of the bounty and carried the news of the incitement to murder without calling it as such, also deserve to be taken to task. Somehow I don't think either Geo or the PML(N) is going to be calling for the Supreme Court to take suo moto notice of this.

A League of Their Own

A spectre is haunting Pakistan - the spectre of yet another political party. It promises to bring about (yet more) "fundamental change in the way politics in conducted in Pakistan" and promises that "in the absence of such change Pakistan will not survive." It loftily envisions a "stable, democratic and prosperous Pakistan" and nobly wants to "empower all of Pakistan's citizens regardless of gender, faith, class or creed, to achieve their aspirations for the future." Its leadership says they are "not politicians" and in normal times "have no inclination to be involved in politics." But then "these are not normal times" because "Pakistan today confronts existential challenges." It believes our current crop of politicians, whether in government or in the opposition, "do not have the ability to guide Pakistan out of its troubles." It wants to bring "people of competence, integrity and honour" into the country's politics and would like to draw particularly on the ignored genius of the skilled Pakistani diaspora (because, hey, who can be more patriotic than people who immigrated to another country, right?).

But it faces some steep immediate challenges: for one, its main leadership is sitting abroad and it's not completely clear when it might actually get its feet on the soil of the motherland to do the real spadework of organizing a cadre. Secondly, so far, it seems to be under a bit of delusion that internet presence can translate into anything that matters politically on the ground. Can it translate its virtual presence into an actual vote bank?

No, no, no, I don't mean that new party.

No, not this new party

I'm referring of course to the party that only those who eyes wander over to those "targeted" Google ads on Gmail, Youtube, fiverupees and various other Pakistani sites know about (talk about a niche vote bank!). Yes, I'm referring to the futuristic party that has been threatening a revolution in the wonderland of Cyberia for many months now.

Initially, I was just tickled by the name: Mustaqbal Pakistan. Yes, it's not mustaqbil (the usual Urdu pronunciation of the word meaning 'future'), it's MustaqBAL. Now, as someone with an ear for accents, I just immediately assumed this had to do with the ethnic / linguistic background of the  people behind this venture - or at least the (probable) head honcho who came up with the name (think Central Punjab.) But since my curiousity got the better of me, I checked out their official website in which they go to some great lengths to explain their name (apparently, it's a Frequently Asked Question) by differentiating between the noun ("with the meaning of the passive participle") and the ("active participle") verb versions of the word, in Arabic. Sigh. It's that whole Ramzan vs Ramadan thing all over again.

This internet party

But the party should actually have been called the Wonder Party, because it leaves you wondering what kind of evening resulted in its formation. Pointing out that "politics today is almost a dirty word" and "has come to be associated with incompetence, corruption, lies, extortion, intimidation, violence and, yes, even stupidity," it amazingly admits that "some of our colleagues - people of merit and excellence - are apprehensive about having their names linked publicly with Mustaqbal" (smart folks?). Therefore, it lists no names except for the Chairman's, who as I initially speculated, is actually from a Chiniot / Lahore family (that eventually settled in Karachi).

In fact, such was the revolutionary zeal of the party ("our names and faces are not important") that, for the first couple of months, it did not even list the Chairman's name. (Maybe, he too was apprehensive about having his name linked with the party? Some reconsideration eventually led to some video clips of him answering questions, in all probability self-posed.) How's that for a political party whose members have the courage of their convictions, eh?

But among the more interesting aspects of the party of the future is that the Chairman, an MIT-trained civil engineer named Nadeem Mumtaz Qureshi, actually never lived in Pakistan between 1974 and 2006, which might explain the fact that the party's section on media has this gem:

"..if one were to judge by the content of media programming it would appear that all of Pakistan is an ultra liberal society. An outsider would think that Pakistanis have nothing better to do than sing and dance all day. He would get the impression that women are liberated and modern."

Really??? I don't know which media Mr Qureshi has been watching but, then, we did say this party should be called the Wonder Party. In any case, in addition to drawing particular attention to the burning issue of empty cigarette packets being "thrown casually on the roads", public spitting and "bad manners" while driving, the party also has in its short 'Code of Conduct' for its workers the following two bits of admonitions:

- Childish conduct such as special number plates, blackened car windows, etc will not be tolerated

- Use of rude, intemperate or obscene language with the poor or with subordinates not acceptable

Don't you just love revolutionary parties that cover all the big issues in the world? In any case, these aspects probably led to the other Frequently Asked Question: "What is the difference between Mustaqbal and Tehreek e Insaf."

Good question. Apparently, the "fundamental difference", according to Chairman Qureshi is one of the "strategy" Imran Khan's party uses to "play the same game" as traditional parties to "win seats and power." Phew, glad we got that sorted out.



: : : TAILPIECE : : :


About that other new party, here's what I've been thinking since someone pointed out that the fancy schmancy designed logo of General Musharraf's party sort of reminded them of the Deccan Chargers logo in the Indian Premier League...

Sab se pehlay Bull

Perhaps the All Pakistan Muslim League can be launched as the new premiere wrestling (noora kushti?) or boxing league where the different factions of the Muslim League duke it out and battle for supremacy. Think of it this way, it'll make great television entertainment (I know the jostling has already begun on Geo but we're talking a revenue stream here) and maybe they'll even fly in cheerleading squads that'll be a darn sight better than the Tehmina Daultanas, Marvi Memons and Atiqa Odhos of the current Muslim Leagues.

Trust me, you don't want to see Tehmina Daultana trying this

Readers' suggestions for the team names, as well as their logos and slogans for the Premiere All Pakistan Muslim League, are welcome. If the designers among you want to send us your actual artwork of the logos, you can do so at our email address. Will be happy to put up the best from among them. So get cracking people, and find the team to support.

...Condemned to Repetition

Came across this British film newsreel from early 1960 about Pakistan and specifically General Ayub Khan's plans for the country he had assumed charge of only two years earlier (through what was then propagandized as the "October Revolution", believe it or not) and thought it really was worth sharing.

Despite the almost laughable pukka orientalism of the British reporter and the PR nature of the report, it is fascinating to see images of the country from 50 years ago. But what is even more worth hearing are Ayub's words and ideas (often paraphrased by the reporter). Concern over 'corruption and a cracking economy', belief in a democracy 'suited to the local psyche', 'saving the future of the country' from those politicians who had 'let it down', 'devolving power down to the grassroots', an unwillingness to see himself as a military dictator, and support for the 'emancipation of women' as an engine for 'modernization.'

Hmmmmm. Now where might you have heard that again? In. Exactly. Those. Words.

What is that they say about those who cannot remember the past?


Part I:






Part II:





Tailpiece: The report ends with the following (probably unintentionally) prescient words: "Pakistanis know that their present revolutionary regime [sic] is the biggest gamble in their 12 years of independence. Will it pave the way to a stable and prosperous democracy? Or will it create evils as great as those it has driven out?" Keep in mind that within 10 years of this report, Pakistan was in a bloody civil war.

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Geo?

As the Geo versus government row rages on, one depressing truth is emerging from the stand-off: the virtual black-out of the issue from a majority of the country’s newspapers and television screens.

Of course, in the papers belonging to the Jang Group, notably Jang and The News, the showdown occupies prime space, threatening to push even the most devastating floods in our history off the front page. For those who do not read these papers or watch Geo (by choice or by default), the issue might as well not exist. Save the odd Dawn editorial and a blog on the Express Tribune website, there is only an ominous silence all around.

This is perhaps the most alarming aspect of the whole situation. It is as if rival TV channels are relieved at having rid themselves of the dominating presence of Geo, and newspapers competing in a tight market for readership and advertising revenue are secretly happy to see Jang and The News hit hard times. Have the big media groups reached a point where they see their rivals as a bigger threat to them than their common enemy, an increasingly authoritarian government bent on shielding itself from criticism?

This is not to say that the groups currently under attack are themselves any less ‘sectarian,’ so to speak. Even during the crisis, Geo and the Jang Group tried to hijack the entire issue and were in denial about ARY, which was also under attack. ARY, meanwhile, were just as mean-spirited and continued to pretend that only they were the victims. Meanwhile the miniscule Royal TV, also targeted, was ignored altogether.

The protests organized by journalists against the ban were also uneasy affairs, and cameramen from the rival channels were at pains to capture footage where the other’s presence or logo was obliterated. Thankfully, as the blockage of channels continued, one could see a softening of this hard line, with The News eventually mentioning the ARY three-letter word in its front-page reports and editorials. ARY could not do the same against its bitter (three-letter) Geo rivals because the poor guys don’t have a paper of their own.

All this pettiness on the part of the brave new media is truly breathtaking. Surely, when two channels are blocked in parts of the country and newspapers are set alight and offices besieged by intimidating hooligans waving ruling party flags, isn’t it time to shun these differences and put up a united front? No such luck.

In private, many journalists and media persons are far more ambivalent about the current crackdown than they were about the blackout of channels under General Musharraf in 2007. There is whispered grumbling about hidden agendas and the Jang Group getting out of hand and going over the top against Asif Zardari at the behest of the establishment. There is resentment over Geo and the Jang Group papers constantly setting a particular type of news agenda. Many question not only the journalistic ethics behind the anti-Zardari obsession of the group but also see it as a threat to democracy. In short, there is a strong element of “they asked for it” in the overall reaction to the present crisis. But even if we accept that they asked for it, where do we go from here?

The simple remedy for any aggrieved party upset over television’s excesses is to sue the buggers. Why does the government not go down that road? Well, the judges are all establishment plants and hate the PPP and will never come to its aid, the party’s current siege mentality tells them. So why not enlist more savvy people to defend your policies on TV than Fauzia Wahab? Why not forcefully expose the hidden agendas allegedly at work on certain channels in an articulate and reasoned way?

If you are unable to do that, at least avoid major faux pas, like taking helicopter rides to your French chateau as the country literally drowns, among dozens of others. Most importantly, build enough trust and rapport with your voters, the hapless people of Pakistan, to inoculate yourself against ideologically inspired attacks from the media. Instead of doing all this, the familiar banner of ‘democracy in danger,’ is being raised again. In place of an effective strategy, you now have goons to defend your policies by taking direct action against the media. Most democratic, I must say.

Privately, a major section of the PPP is currently avoiding eye contact with media persons and mumbling, off the record, that, ‘we shouldn’t really be going down this MQM road.’ Perhaps this bumbling lot should learn a lesson or two in the art of blocking TV channels, attacking newspaper offices, burning newspapers, intimidating hawkers and cable operators and then innocently claiming they are the victims rather than the aggressors, from their junior partner in the Sindh coalition-of-mutual-loathing. The Karachi-based party is in the enviable position of successfully muzzling the press without ever fearing they will be named or blamed. The amateurish PPP, on the other hand, is likely to be the ultimate loser in this showdown.

Meanwhile, the last time I looked, ARY was back, at least on my cable network, but the Geo void persists at least on my screen. That void by the way is important to fill, regardless of what you think of Geo’s excesses, ethics or line. And this is not about some abstract belief in absolute freedom of the press. Geo’s absence is disturbing, for me at least, because I think we need a critical voice in our midst in these bleak times. Most other channels, despite their occasional anti-govt whining, seem more susceptible to pressure and often seem willing to give the government the benefit of the doubt at key moments. I never thought I would admit this, but I for one sorely miss Geo, even if for all the wrong reasons.

By allowing the government to get away with this ban without so much as a whimper, rival media groups are being short-sighted in the extreme. If there is no joint front on an issue as fundamental as this, and if the government emerges the victor in this battle, be prepared to go down that slippery slope of ‘constructive’ criticism and all that it entails. This is that sterile world where you would think ten times before doing anything defined as ‘non-constructive’ and ‘irresponsible’ by the government (or military junta) of the day. Do remember that even before this crackdown, the other rival groups, including those espousing a liberal ethos, refrained from telecasting or printing the defining image of the month: that helicopter hovering menacingly over that French chateau as thousands fled their more modest abodes in the face of the country’s deadliest flood...

Really Lost in Translation

As newspaper blunders go, this one is a real doozy!

But when I read Javed Chaudhry's translated Urdu column in the Express Tribune this morning, not having read the original in (the Urdu daily) Express on the 27th, I simply could make neither head nor tail of it. It seemed to me to be a column written about two years ago and for the life of me I could not make out why it had been published today. And why did I think that? Because the headline of the oped was:

"A conversation with Abdul Hameed Dogar"

And of course because the rest of the column referred in glowing terms to "Chief Justice Abdul Hameed Dogar's" long working hours, the amount of cases being expeditiously handled by him while sitting in the Supreme Court, Dogar's open admiration for Justice Rana Bhagwandas - the Supreme Court's senior-most judge who refused to accept General Musharraf's diktat against the judiciary which Dogar had gladly accepted ("It is we who are Muslims but it is Rana sahib who has stronger belief [in democracy]") , his praise for the independent media (the same media, it may be recalled, that had hounded Dogar for his daughter's nepotistic admission to a college over the heads of more qualified candidates), his belief that the PPP government should continue rather than be dismissed by him as 'many are predicting' (much to Chaudhry's 'astonishment' and my confusion since I never knew that Dogar was ever considered anything less than beholden to Asif Zardari for his support), etc etc etc... I thought I was in some episode of The Twilight Zone.

Lost in translation: Javed Chaudhry

Well, as it turns out, it was not me but the Express Tribune staff that's in some sort of twilight. Or at least tubelight. As you can verify from the original Urdu piece posted here, Javed Chaudhry's piece was actually about Chief Justice Iftikhar Mohammad Chaudhry! And his name is mentioned no less than three times in just the first para. In spite of the fact that his chief protocol officer is referred to as "Hameed sahib", for the life of me I cannot understand how the current chief justice's name was substituted for that of the disgraced former judge who, under the Supreme Court's own ruling, is no longer to be considered as ever having been the lawful chief justice.

 Note to ET: NOT Abdul Hameed Dogar

ET staffers are apparently putting the entire blame on the translator but it must be said that the level of oversight involved here is just mind-boggling. Surely a bunch of other sub-editors and editors would have - or should have - seen the piece before and once it was 'pasted' on to the page. Are we to assume that nobody saw anything bizarre in the article? Or that nobody at ET can read Urdu?

Unfortunately, ET has changed the story as it appears on their website now, to reflect a corrected version. And they still do not have an epaper version for you to see this hilarious blunder in all its gloriousness. But I will update the post tomorrow with a scan of the print edition to keep all of you entertained.

But what of the story itself? Considering that it was an exclusive given to Javed Chaudhry by Justice Chaudhry - a mere day or two before the damning judgements reversing the government's controversial multi-billion dollar LNG deal and the elevation of over 50 bureaucrats to secretary-level grade - probably to assuage the government's paranoia about the judiciary out to get it (the title of the Urdu column was "There is no threat to the system"), you can imagine how frustrated both Chaudhries must be. After all, Chief Justice Iftikhar Chaudhry had gone out of his way to praise Benazir Bhutto as well, only to see it all being credited (at least in English) to his former nemesis Dogar.

Or is this what is known as poetic justice for PR exercises?

Expect a big-ass apology from ET in tomorrow morning's paper.


*** UPDATE on 30 April 2010 ***

As promised, here is the scan of the article as printed yesterday:

Meanwhile, the apology has come in the form of a "deeply regretted" correction notice on the op-ed pages that blames the translation as expected. "The mistake crept in because the name of the chief protocol officer happens to be Mr. Hameed" says the notice. Inconsiderate man that chief protocol officer.

And Now What?

Just finished watching the media presentation by the UN Commission investigating Benazir Bhutto's assassination. While we will have to wait to hear the details of the full report and assess them, my overwhelming feeling about the summary presented by the head of the commission was:

This is what we paid US$20 million for???

Basically, what the Chilean ambassador who headed the commission said was that the commission was "disturbed" by things all of us already knew and were disturbed by - the ineffective security provided to Benazir in the face of credible threats to her life, and the farcical investigation into the causes and the masterminds behind her death.

It basically details all those things people have been talking about for the last two years - why was there no proper security plan, why was a crowd allowed to gather around her vehicle as she exited Liaquat Bagh, why was she allowed to stand up out of her bulletproof car, why was her backup vehicle not where it should have been to rush her to hospital, why was no autopsy performed on her, why was the crime site hosed down within two hours resulting in a loss of forensic evidence etc - without giving any conclusions about them. The only thing that seems new is that the report, apparently, dismisses the rumours that Benazir died from gunshot wounds or that Zardari was somehow involved.

Meanwhile, Geo took it upon itself to ascribe blame, which the report apparently has not, and continued to run with a Breaking News Alert that the report had held the Musharraf government responsible for Benazir's death. "Benazir Bhutto Ki Maut Ki Zimmedaar Musharraf Hakoomat Hai - UN Report" (Musharraf Government Responsible for Benazir Bhutto's Death - UN Report). This it began doing even before the presentation, basing its claims on a misunderstanding of what its own correspondent at the UN was reading out in English - within a minute of receiving a copy of the report - from the rather substantial report.

From what I was able to gather from the presentation, the report actually blames the Musharraf government (as well as the PPP - which in this case means Rehman Malik who was in charge of Benazir's security from the PPP side) for not ensuring the security of Benazir and for not conducting a proper investigation afterwards. It leaves all inferences about these things up to the readers.

That is vastly different from Geo's claims that the Musharraf government directly caused her death, which is what most people reading the alert will understand from it. Grossly irresponsible.

More later.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day comes from PMLN MNA from Chakwal and columnist Ayaz Amir in the op-ed pages of The News:

"Punjab is the strategic depth of bigotry and extremism masquerading in the colours of Islam."

Actually, you should probably read the whole piece. Much of it re-encapsulates well-tread ground about the origins of our extremism problem. But the following concluding bit should also perhaps be translated and read out to his party members and leaders who probably find reading anything a bit bothersome (the clarifications in [square brackets] are of course my additions)...

"All the extremist outfits with whose names we are now familiar emerged at that time [under Zia whose protege Amir's leader Nawaz Sharif was]: the jaish this and that, the lashkar so and so. Most of them were Punjab-based and members from all these organisations acquired battle experience in Afghanistan. My friend Colonel Imam of Afghan 'jihad' fame -- and who, like most good people, is from Chakwal -- takes enormous pride in saying that the most fearless fighters of all were from Punjab. And he should know for he was in the thick of it.

When with the departure of the Soviet army and the victory of the Saudi and Charlie Wilson-funded 'mujahideen', the Afghan war wound down, the fighters who had gained battle experience in Afghanistan were shifted to an entirely different front: Kashmir, where in a protracted struggle they managed to tie down half a million Indian troops.

Their godfathers in the security establishment felt elated. Forgetting the role of hard-drinking Charlie Wilson and the Saudis, they wrote a self-glorifying narrative in which it was claimed that not only had the power of faith defeated the Soviets. It had also hastened the end and break-up of the Soviet empire. If a superpower could be thus defeated, zeal and the spirit of 'jihad' could work similar miracles in Kashmir.

This was the mood then pervading the top ranks of the army and the intelligence agencies. So it is scarcely to be wondered at that when after the fall of Kabul to the 'mujahideen', a Pakistani delegation was on its way to the Afghan capital, no sooner had the aircraft carrying it entered Afghan airspace when those on board, including some Americans, were startled by a loud cry: "Allah-o-Akbar". This from the then ISI chief [and a close confidante of then PM Nawaz Sharif who appointed him], the heavily-bearded Lt-Gen Javed Nasir.

Our rendezvous with our present extremist-flowing troubles did not come about from out of the blue. We had ploughed the land and watered it for a long time.

When the Americans attacked Afghanistan post-Sept 11, the theatre of 'jihad' shifted again: back to Afghanistan. The Bush administration of course screwed things up for itself by going on to attack Iraq before finishing the job in Afghanistan, a piece of folly sure to haunt the US for a long time to come. But Afghanistan was bad enough by itself. It reignited the fires of holy war and, given the iron dictates of geography, it was inevitable that Pakistan sooner or later would have its hands burned by another conflict raging in Afghanistan.

Once a change of course in our strategic course was forced upon us by the US -- Musharraf succumbing to American pressure without extracting the kind of bargain that would have better served Pakistan's interests -- logic and necessity demanded a clean break with the playing-with-fire policies of the past. In other words, a clean and definitive break with Zia-minded 'jihad'. But Musharraf played a double game. Even while dancing wildly to America's tune he was never serious, or he lacked the will and capacity, to seriously rethink the past.

But now that under a new sun and a new sky we are finally embarked upon a new course -- which marks a true break with the past -- we have to realise the extent and magnitude of the problem. The terrorism we are now fighting is not a provincial subject. It is not confined to any one province. It is a composite whole, organically tied together, growing not from any isolated virus but from a sickness of the mind and soul which had the whole of Pakistan, or at least its strategic quartermasters, in its grip.

If Pakistan is to become something, realising its dreams and potential, if it has to enter the real world and leave the world of dreams and fantasies behind, then there is no course open to it except to tackle this sickness, no matter what it takes and what sacrifices it entails, without ifs and buts, and without any misconceived appeals to the Taliban."

Amir's reference to General Musharraf reminded me of the time in the year 2000, when soon after taking power and vowing to restore Jinnah's vision, he had been asked a pointed question by a young journalist about the threat of Talibanization of Pakistan at a public gathering. If I recall correctly (I was witness to it), the question had raised the issue of blowback, long before it became fashionable to talk in such terms. I still recall the general's response: he claimed that people often tended to forget that the Taliban were evolving too and cited as an example the fact that when they met for dinner with Pakistani army delegations they would now use (or at least have on the table/ dastarkhwan) cutlery and crockery... whereas earlier they would simply eat with their hands out of a single thaal (dish). I'm not making this up. A few months later, the cutlery and crockery were publicly forgotten.

As for Ayaz Amir, if ever there was a misfit in a political party...

Is Something Brewing?

Something surely is brewing in Islamabad. Forget for a moment the "historic" judgement against Musharraf's November 3 actions handed down yesterday and its implications for the government, President Zardari in particular. Yes, I do know that most of the judges sent packing by the Supreme Court are close to the party in power. Yes, I know that by putting the National Reconciliation Ordinance (NRO) back in the parliament's court, the Supreme Court must be giving Zardari and all those who benefited from that repugnant law, sleepless nights.

But my reasons for conjecture have simply to do with certain developments in the media. Or to be more precise, certain sections of the media known as bellwethers for things brewing behind the scenes.

First it was Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani announcing his independence through the trusted mouthpieces of Rauf Klasra of The News and Hamid Mir of Geo. That of course set tongues wagging around the land about what exactly YRG meant. Then it was YRG's daughter, waxing eloquent and nonsensical in The News, about "the epitome of perfection" that is Bilawal Bhutto Zardari. Today, we had the return to "investigative" print journalism of the redoubtable Kamran Khan, regaling us in (where else) The News and Jang, about the monstrous alleged corruption plaguing state-run enterprises such as Pakistan Steel, Pakistan International Airlines, the Trading Corporation of Pakistan, the National Bank etc.

The windbag himself

But one bit of the puzzle that most people probably missed was the July 29 article in Jang (you might be getting the picture now) by Dr. S&M (Shahid Masood to you newbies). I normally steer well clear of this windbag's programme on Geo, aptly named Meray Mutabiq [According to Me], as well as his columns in Jang of the same name. But was forced to go back and read his latest on someone's recommendation. And what a shock was in store for me!

I have attempted to translate the important bits of the Urdu piece here for you, dear readers, keeping the breathless, convoluted overall style of its author. But before I share it with you, you should know certain things as background information, in case you don't already.

Dr. S&M is of course the same longtime Peoples Party activist who at one point used to man the phones at 70 Clifton but whose world view is probably closer in philosophy to the conservative Jamaat-e-Islami (and its obsessions with conspiracy theories) than the liberal PPP. He rose to media fame on the ARY channel in the early 2000s first doing a series of programmes detailing how the signs of the Day of Judgement were nigh, but then was encouraged to carry his windbag nature into political analysis particularly during the 2002 elections. He incurred the wrath of General Musharraf's army regime when he openly sided with the hardline militants of the Taliban and FATA. Staying true to it's policy of picking the most sensationalist idiots ever, the Jang Group then lured him away at a fabulous salary to run his own programme of sensationalist nonsense. When Musharraf imposed his "mini martial law" his programme was also shut down and he seemed to be out in the wilderness. Not for long though, since he was soon plucked out of nowhere to be made the Managing Director of Pakistan Television. Suddenly, he was pals with General Musharraf, who even dropped in on a reception in honour of the windbag.

It turns out, he wasn't just pals with General Musharraf (he was of course heading the state-run television under him!). Apparently he was also very close to Asif Zardari and, according to himself, Benazir Bhutto. He now claims he was in on the negotiations going on in Dubai between Musharraf and Bhutto which led to the NRO. Some journalists vouch for the fact that he was often with Zardari when they called him in Dubai.

When the PPP won the elections in 2008, not only did he continue in his position at PTV, he was also concurrently made the Chairman of the organization - a post that by law is an ex-officio post for the Information Secretary. Clashes with the then Information Minister Sherry Rehman eventually led to him resigning and, as with all such people, landing up back at the Jang Group, which not only restored his programme, but also gave him his own column in its flagship paper, Jang. Nevertheless, despite his humiliation, he continued to express his support for the PPP government.

Now. Take a gander at how his latest column titled "Jiye Bhutto" begins:

“What are you on about the Party? When I was in jail, where were all of them? It was only my friends who stood by me at that time! What your party did with me, I will do the same to it.” (Recent historic words from the most powerful personality usurping the corridors of power).

If the largest and most popular political party could not be finished off after the hanging of its founder leader by General Ziaul Haq, who put in place an Establishment that continues to rule for decades after him; if the traitors who stabbed the party in the back and betrayed the Bhutto family at the most critical times could not destroy it; if jails, batons, lashes, torture chambers and hangings could not subdue the beat of Dhamadam Mast Qalandar that its diehard party workers danced to; and if a senseless Pervez Musharraf, attempting to split up the Party by creating cracks through enticements and threats, himself perished after the martyrdom of the Party’s leader… then what chance does a small, crafty and criminal gang imposed on the heads of hundreds of thousands of the Party’s workers and more interested in preserving its international interests, have to demolish the Party, even with the blessings of the Establishment?

WTF?!? Exactly. Usurper? Criminal Gang? You understand why I think this is important enough to translate? Dr. S&M first goes on to delineate the amazing qualities of compassion and idealism that Benazir Bhutto embodied, pointing out:

Mohtarma Benazir Bhutto’s circle of friends was incredibly wide, comprising innumerable friends, childhood girlfriends and old family acquaintances. But she always kept the matters of the Peoples Party separate. When did she ever give precedence to her school friends over Party loyalists like Naheed Khan, Safdar Abbasi or Munawwar Suhrwardy Shaheed?

Then, he gets down to business. After claiming that he had personally, always been opposed to the NRO while it was being negotiated, and had made his discomfort with it known to Benazir herself, he says:

The majority of those who gained advantage from the NRO and who, along with Zardari sahib, have been imposed on the most important positions in the country, would never even have dared approach the corridors of power were Mohtarma still alive. She had given Zardari sahib only the [insignificant] responsibility to organize students within the Peoples Party and, in her last days, had in fact bid him to stay in Dubai to look after the kids. So, after the NRO was agreed to, Zardari sahib suddenly managed to rid himself of his heart disease and came to Dubai from New York… Before Mohtarma’s return to Pakistan, there was an attempt to involve him in an extremely limited way in security matters, and that too only so that he would not be seen sitting uselessly and without purpose among the crowd of workers.

In the Dubai house, there were two separate areas set aside for guests, and the small room in which Zardari sahib used to sit and shoot the breeze with his friends was only accessible from the back entrance of the house. All the important leaders of the Peoples Party used to enter the house from the front entrance and hold the party meetings along with the Mohtarma in the big drawing room, where Zardari sahib and his friends – now appointed on important posts – were not allowed to set foot.

Are you following my train of thought? Here is a man who has never had the cajones to take anyone on. When pressured, he not only gave up his pro-Taliban, pro-Hameed Gul line but became a mouthpiece for General Musharraf. Later on, he gave up Musharraf and became a chamcha of Asif Zardari. When he was forced to resign from PTV, he accepted the position of Special Assistant to the Prime Minister rather than cutting all ties. And yet he finds it within himself to directly, and brutally, belittle the sitting President? With words that could land him in mortal danger if not under the threat of a lawsuit? I don't think so. But wait, it doesn't just end there. He then goes directly for Zardari's jugular, by attacking all his cronies. First off, Rehman Malik:

After her return to the country, she was also set to finish off some seemingly very important characters – those about whom she was convinced that they were more loyal to those opposed to her than to her, and who were pretending to be close to her by mediating in negotiations. She was very clear in her mind about the person who, as a security adviser, is the most dubious character in her martyrdom. Had he been the future interior minister in Mohtarma’s mind, he would at least have been successful in procuring a ticket for the National Assembly!!!

Next in the firing line, the head of Ziauddin Hospital in Karachi (where Zardari often ended up while in jail) Dr. Asim Hussain (now also minister of petroleum and natural resources) and Landhi jail doctor Dr. Qayyum Soomro:

The one who, as minister of the most important petroleum ministry, has sent billions of rupees abroad during the negotiations with Iran over gas, and who, while selling gas permits, receives the fruits of his services in a 75/25 sharing scheme after sundown at a local hospital – would he have been able to even conduct a five minute conversation with Mohtarma Benazir Bhutto? Zardaris sahib has appointed to this most important ministry of the current era, a person who openly proclaimed that “I have neither ever had any association with any party named the Peoples Party, nor, Inshallah, will I ever.”

Doctor Abdul Qayyum Soomro, till this day associated with the Jamiat-e-Ulema-e-Islam, was inducted many years ago as a medical officer on the recommendation of Maulana Fazlur Rehman. After he had himself transferred to Landhi jail, he began to serve Zardari sahib. Today, he is considered one of the strongest personalities in the Presidency and whose power to get the most important decisions implemented through a single phone call and whose growing personal assets over the last one year, are the talk of everyone in Islamabad!

Dr. S&M then twists his literary knife deeper into the back of the PPP's discontented rank and file:

The world knows Khurshid Shah as a serious and thoughtful Peoples Party leader. But who is this Islamuddin Sheikh? Rashid Rabbani has been making sacrifices for the Peoples Party for years. But where did Faisal Raza Abidi come from? Shehla Raza has struggled since her student days. But what is background to Sharmila Farooqui? Where has Taj Haider gone and where did Zulfiqar Mirza come from? Khalil Qureshi, Comrade Ishaq, Mirza Maqbool and Sohail Ansari – where did they disappear to? And what is the background to Mustafa Memon and Obaid Jatoi – who are now negotiating deals as the front-men of the country’s most powerful personality.

Kareem Khwaja, who for years and years, had been celebrating Bhutto’s birthday by setting up medical camps, who knows where he is now? And all the while, Shaukat Tareen, who has been associated with money-laundering and is preparing, at this stage of his life, to throw the nation into the clutches of the IMF and World Bank, is being made minister, adviser, then Senator, and then joining the Peoples Party.

The windbag that the good doctor is, he ends with the following regurgitation of his opening lines:

“What your Party did to me, I will do the same to it.” (To be Continued)

Meaning, that there was more that Dr. S&M wanted to write (or has written) but Jang ran out of space. Now here comes the more interesting bit. It's been 3 days so far and there has been no second installment of the piece. Sources within Jang tell me that the piece has caused an explosion within the organization, with some questioning how something like this even went out in the first place. Given how tightly the owner Mir Shakilur Rahman monitors the paper, I find it extremely hard to believe it would not have been sent to him first for vetting. Even if somehow, inconceivably, the piece slipped in without anyone realizing its impact and implications (in which case, the entire editorial staff should be fired), it still does not answer the question of what exactly Dr. S&M is up to in Dubai (where he is currently ensconsed) and what his (new) agenda is. This is not the simple peeve of a man out of a job.

Put all of the media pieces together, coalescing in time at the same point, and you would have to come up with the conclusion, especially given the chequered history of the Jang group, that something is afoot. Mark my words.