Wow. Wow. Wow. The interwebs have been abuzz with the following image from that epitome of insightful coverage, Fox News.
As they say at Fox News, 'Egypt, Iraq, same difference, it's the bleeding Middle East fer Chrissake!'
Okay, so we know that this image is actually from two years ago. Oh, it's actually from a real broadcast by Fox News, don't get us wrong. Just that it wasn't repeated during the current Egypt crisis. But as we like to say at Cafe Pyala, 'Two years ago, now, same difference, it's bleeding Fox News FFS!'
From an oped about the treatment meted out to Veena Malik on Kamran Shahid's tabloidy Front Lineprogramme on Express, titled "Our Obsession With the Inane" by Kamila Hyat in The News today:
"Of course a Pakistani man cavorting with a Hindu man would not have raised so much as an eyebrow."
If for some reason, you wonder what we're getting at, read the line again. For all we know, this may not be a typo and she may have a point...
Have been meaning to do a post on this whole issue but have been truly busy and fear it may already be too late. Meanwhile, DJ Shahrukh has come up with probably the best summarization of the saga and definitely the funniest:
In my last post, I included an alleged fatwa by an alleged mufti Muhammad Idris Usmani associated allegedly with a seminary called Jamia Islamia. The alleged fatwa was sourced from the Let Us Build Pakistan (LUBP) blog and indicated as such but was reproduced in my post without the qualifiers it should have included.
Some readers correctly raised doubts about the authenticity of the religious opinion, after which we wrote to LUBP asking for the source of their information. A day has passed and we have not heard back from anyone at LUBP. Another reader Samad Khurram has pointed out that the alleged picture of Mufti Idris Usmani (also from LUBP) is actually of Mufti Fuzail-ur-Rahman (Fazl-ur-Rahman?) Hilal Usmaniof the Darus Salaam Islamic Centre in Indian Punjab and Darul Uloom Deoband. We have also not been able to identify through our own research where Jamia Islamia is located and the only source for this fatwa seems to be the LUBP blog itself. All of this points to the fact that the so-called fatwa is a fabrication.
While the point of my earlier post stands, and this perhaps indicates how easy it is to manufacture fatwas about anything as well as their worth, there is no doubt that the inclusion of a seemingly fabricated fatwa without the disclaimers that should have been part of the post, is a lapse on our part and damages our credibility. It also detracts from the point of the post itself. And for this we offer unreserved apologies to our readers. Needless to say, we will far more skeptical of LUBP information and will attempt to be much more stringent about attaching disclaimers in the future.
To those readers who were happy to see that at least someone within the clergy was taking an unequivocal stand to condemn those guilty of praising a murderer, equivocating about moral issues and twisting religion to suit their own ends, I apologize for the disappointment. I guess we'll have to wait a little longer for sense to arrive among the mullah brigade.
Run for your lives, art vultures! Picasso's still alive, he's cloned himself into a small army, and all of them are mighty pissed at how much money you've been making off them!
In case you have difficulty reading from the image, the story - about a cache of hitherto unknown works by the master painter discovered at an electrician's home - is headlined "Horde of Picassos discovered in Paris."
Shall we give this the "I Work for an English Paper But Find the Language Really Confusing" Award in today's Bizarre Newspaper Headline Contest?
Whatever else the merits of the Wikileaks expose may be, one thing is for sure: it is a DISASTER for some of Pakistan's media. The huge information dump has resulted, annoyingly for our journos, in having to actually read things properly and double check facts, and far, far too much temptation to make laughing stocks of themselves.
Thanks to @sohaibgulbadan who pointed this out, here is The News' version of one on the released cables. Breathlessly, The News' reporter Umar Cheema tells us on the paper's front page:
Pakistan, a private nightmare for Obama
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
By Umar Cheema
"ISLAMABAD: US President Barack Obama considers Pakistan as his “private nightmare”, a front-line ally in the war against terrorism that could surprise the whole world waking up one morning to hear that the country had been taken over by the extremists.
A diplomatic cable leaked by Wikileaks reveals that Pakistan is one of the major causes behind the US decision of not attacking Iran, amid fears that any strike against this neighbouring Muslim country could further fuel the militancy in Pakistan. Nevertheless, the US president understands that avoiding confrontation with Iran has portrayed his country as a weak superpower.
Obama, however, believes attacking North Korea would earn less criticism and also teach a good lesson to the countries harbouring nuclear-ambition. “He described Pakistan as his ‘private nightmare,’ suggesting the world might wake up one morning ‘with everything changed’ following a potential Islamic extremist takeover,” disclosed a cable. Obama expressed concerns about Pakistan in two consecutive meetings with ranking US Senator Codel Casey and Congressman Ackerman of the House’s Foreign Relations Committee before their visit to Israel for a meeting with defence minister Ehud Barak last year.
When asked if the use of force on Iran might backfire with moderate Muslims in Pakistan, thereby exacerbating the situation, “Barak acknowledged Iran and Pakistan are interconnected, but disagreed with a causal chain.” To the contrary, Obama argued that if the United States had directly confronted North Korea in recent years, others would be less inclined to pursue nuclear weapons programmes. “By avoiding confrontation with Iran, Barak argued, the US faces a perception of weakness in the region.”
Contrary to King Abdullah’s opinion of Zardari, the UAE rulers had very positive views of former President Musharraf, disclosed a cable narrating meeting of the US diplomats with the UAE Crown Prince and Deputy Supreme Commander Mohammad bin Zayed, after the latter returned from a visit of Pakistan where he met Musharraf in 2005. First, he congratulated Washington for its decision to allow the US firm to bid for contracts to provide F-16s and other defence technology to Pakistan. “He said it was important to support Musharraf as he battled the terrorists. There was no alternative leader in sight,” said the cable. He also questioned the US suspicions that Pakistani authorities had deliberately delayed the news of the arrest of Abu Faraj al Libbi, negating the wrong perception towards Pakistan."
"11. (C) Barak reinforced his message regarding Pakistan in both meetings. He described Pakistan as his "private nightmare," suggesting the world might wake up one morning "with everything changed" following a potential Islamic extremist takeover. When asked if the use of force on Iran might backfire with moderate Muslims in Pakistan, thereby exacerbating the situation, Barak acknowledged Iran and Pakistan are interconnected, but disagreed with a causal chain. To the contrary, he argued that if the United States had directly confronted North Korea in recent years, others would be less inclined to pursue nuclear weapons programs. By avoiding confrontation with Iran, Barak argued, the U.S. faces a perception of weakness in the region."
If you haven't figured it out yet, the person being quoted is former Israeli Prime Minister and then Defence Minister Ehud Barak, not Barrack Obama. The cable is from the US embassy in Tel Aviv.
Had Mr. Cheema and his editors at The News given it just a little bit of thought, by the way, why the hell would an American foreign mission be quoting their own president's views to the State Department? A little bit of thought though seems far from some of the reporting going on.
A screen-grab off the Guardian's Wikileaks database... Thanks to Missing Romance for sending it on to us:
Ayatollah Ali Zardari?!?
First it was the New York Timesand BBC Urdu Service leading the world (and the gullible Pakistani media) to believe Saudi King Abdullah said Asif Zardari was "the biggest obstacle to Pakistan's progress", when he actually only said that Zardari was "the primary obstacle to the government's ability to move unequivocally to end terrorist safe havens" in Pakistan (okay, so the actual phrasing is far more baffling than the misquote). Now we have the Guardian trying to imply stronger links with Iran than anyone knew. Just doesn't pay to be Zardari does it? Oh wait, that came out all wrong...
First off, a BIG congratulations to the Pakistan Women's Cricket Team for bringing in Pakistan's first (and perhaps only) gold in the ongoing Asian games. One hopes the stuffed shirts at the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) and the Sports Ministry will understand the irony of this achievement and finally begin to give sportswomen their due.
Nida Rashid scored 51 not out and took 4 wickets (Photo: AP/Dawn)
In lean times such as these for the Pakistani media, I had to scrounge around for unread material from old newspapers. It is, after all, Eid ul Azha and the only news reports these last two days seem to be about how people are 'enjoying' themselves, which apparently involves women being chained to kitchen stoves, men eating like pigs and children bawling their eyes out because mummy was cooking their favourite pet and daddy was eating it.
In any case, came across this unintentionally funny piece from Dawn's sports pages on November 17, about how our squash players arrived for the Asian Games in a state of dishevelment and some embarrassment.
The story alerts you to its potential from its heading:
"Squash players land in China amid dressing problems"
Yes, 'dressing', in this particular avatar, is yet another word that deserves the euthanising hospice.
The story goes on to tell us:
"GUANGZHOU, Nov 16: A nine-member Pakistan squash team, dressed in national colour blazers, landed at the Canton International Airport here on Tuesday but with much dismay as trousers of few players got damaged because of `poor stitching`.
“My trousers are all ripped from pockets because they are not tailored according to my height,” said Pakistan`s leading junior squash player Danish Atlas."
To tell you the truth, I don't quite know what pockets have to do with height but I'll accept the word of Danish Atlas on this.
"“Just look at the stitching, it`s poorly tailored, my pocket is damaged and I was not even provided with a belt for my trousers,” said Danish. During the four-hour flight from Islamabad airport to Thailand, he said, “I have no option but to get hold of my trousers which are not fit according to my height.” The situation, he said, was no different when we flew from Thailand airport to the CantonAirport."
Couple of questions for the reporter:
1) Is it really only a four-hour flight from Islamabad to Thailand? Rather amazing since Karachi to Bangkok takes about 5 hours.
2) What exactly does "get hold of my trousers" mean? Does it mean what we think it means? Surely, not something to do with pockets then? And then there's that height thing again...
3) Considering that poor Danish Atlas had to "get hold" of his trousers during the flight from Islamabad to Bangkok, ostensibly to prevent them from falling apart around him in his seat, why exactly would you think the "situation" would be "different" on the connecting flight from Bangkok to Canton? Unless of course there was an emergency sewing session at Bangkok airport that you haven't told us about...
Anyways, to pour salt on Danish's wounds, he also points out:
"“I am wearing my brother`s [Aamir Atlas Khan`s] blazer because the one given by the PSB was unfit and very tight from shoulders,” said Danish, justifying that their suits were not according to international standard."
'Unfit': things that don't fit. Tight 'from' shoulders. 'Nuff said.
Sometimes I wonder what will we all do for entertainment if Pakistani English language journalism ever becomes sedate and proper.
"Each year hundreds of words are dropped from the English Language.
Old words, wise words, hard-working words. Words that once led meaningful lives but now lie unused, unloved and unwanted.
Today, 90% of everything we write is communicated by only 7000 words.
You can change all that. Help save the words!
If not for yourself, then for generations yet to come. Now, you may ask, “What have future generations done for us lately?”
Well, not much. But one day they’ll be grateful. You never know, one day they might even have a word or two to say about you.
Help spread the word."
Some of you writers/reporters/journalists out there might wonder whether embracing flosculations will go down well with your inveteratist editors. Will it viliorate your reputation? Gumfiate your paycheck? Make a vicious blogger jump on your article and accuse you of pretentiousness? And isn’t it just wiser to call ‘ someone who eats babies’ a ‘monster’ rather than a ‘brephophagist’?
Personally, I think indulging in this kind of locupletative exercise has to be its own brabeum. But if that doesn’t convince you, here are some other reasons savethewords.org thinks you might enjoy mixing it up a little:
"In bored-room meetings, you’ll typically use expressions like: “think laterally”, “reach projected targets” and “cost-cutting measures.” How about in your next meeting, make things a little more interesting by dropping in some rarer words: “think outside the nidifice.”
Dazzle your friends! Create endless arguments and debates! Confuse the hell out of everyone! Now it’s simple when you start using words like Pudify, Stagma and Volgivagant. You’re the winner at the table, and you know it.
[Sky-writing] If you saw the word ‘Sigilism’ painted across the skies for all to see, what would you think? The pilot is incredibly intelligent? The pilot can’t spell? The pilot is drunk?
[With respect to tattoos] I love Mum. Done. Anchor. Done. Celtic symbols. Done. Sanksrit. Done. Snake. Done. Koi. Done. Angry dragon. Done. Girlfriend’s name. Done. Bar code. Done. Tremefy. Never done!
You’re not in a relationship if you don’t have a moniker. Usually they’re little romantic-in-jokes that no one else will understand (or want to). But imagine coming home from work one day and saying “Mulcible, I’m home”. Imagine."
Trawlers. As in ‘Trawlers block road as area cordoned off.’ A trawler is not a container. A trawler is a big fishing boat. As if it isn’t bad enough that random interest groups are commandeering our public spaces, we must also then spend the whole day with the image of giant fishing boats squatting on our street corners.
Slam. Slams. Slammed. As in ‘MQM slams government’s imposition of new sales tax’ or ‘Musharraf’s comments slammed by PML-N.’ How is there going to be peace and quiet in the world if everybody is always slamming things?
Flay. As in ‘Khabardrama’s statement flayed.’ So after the slamming comes the lashing then the…gnashing? Was it flashing that led to the lashing?
Eve-teasing. That is SOOO 4004 BC.
Liberal mindset. Eh what?
Liberal extremist. See above.
Healthy instead of fat
Smart instead of slim.
Backside. As in the backside of the store.
Bread-earners instead of bread-winners.
Supermodel. Every model is apparently one. How super!
Apprehended / nabbed for caught or arrested or held.
Cost when they mean price.
Purchase instead of buy.
Heinous as in criminal.
Nefarious instead of notorious.
Loose. As in a woman.
For some time. As in ‘The PM and Pres had a one-on-one meeting for some time’.
Common man. As opposed to?
Powers-that-be. Nobody knows what exactly they be (trippin’, perhaps?), they just be. Like Hamlet, only without the panty drop-inducing soliloquy.
Well-rounded. As in individual(s).
Civil society to refer to NGO activists.
Religious leaders for politicians with beards.
Paramour. As in a woman and her paramour were killed in a case of karo kari. Their sons Boromir and Faramir went on to star in a Peter Jackson film.
Urchins. For kids. Silver lining? At least they’re not saying cherubim.
Please do bring any others you can think of to our attention in the comments section. We are thinking about compiling a list and floating our own website www.euthanisethewords.com.pk, a sort of hospice for terminally ill expressions, where words that should never be used again in a Pakistani paper can go to die.
Hmmmm. I wonder what's on the French government's mind these days.
The French Defence Minister Herve Morin, being interviewed a few days ago on a small radio station, Radio Beur, about France's involvement with the war in Afghanistan, was asked about the fact that a majority of French people opposed the involvement of French troops in that arena (France has about 3,500 troops serving with NATO there, at a cost of about half a billion euros annually, and has lost about 45 soldiers in the fight against the Taliban). He replied by saying that "It is difficult to explain to... men and women... that part of their safety is ensured 7,000 miles away."
Or that's what he ended up saying. But what he actually said initially (before quickly correcting himself) was:
"C'est difficile d'expliquer à des cons... "
...which translates into "It is difficult to explain to cunts..." Most mainstream media that has reported on it has chosen to translate it in the far more idiomatic (and polite) "It is difficult to explain to idiots..."
For those who can understand French, here is the clip as it aired on the radio:
Of course, this comes on the back of two other embarrassing gaffes by French government politicians. The most recent one before Morin, was that by Brice Hortefeux, the French interior minister, who in an interview on October 17 referred to digital fingerprinting as "genital impressions." That's Brice Hortefeux on the left with one of his genitals, sorry, digits.
But that was only after former Justice Minister and now Member of European ParliamentRachida Dati, while attacking foreign investment funds in a television appearance last month, confused the word 'inflation' with "fellatio." She said:
"When I see some of them looking for returns of 20 or 25 per cent, at a time when fellatio is close to zero, and in particular in a slump, that means we are destroying businesses."
She later laughed off the slip-up by saying that it happened because she was trying to speak too fast. You can see a clip of that now infamous moment here. Of course Ms Dati is rumoured to have been removed last year as Justice Minister because of First Lady Carla Bruni's distaste for her, although officially it was said to be because of professional lapses. It is widely believed in France that she was President Nikolas Sarkozy's former lover and also has a child from an unnamed father, who many believe (rightly or wrongly) is Sarkozy himself:
Would you say the French government seems a little distracted?
I came across this story of how a Big Oil (Chevron) PR campaign was hijacked by a group of activists calling itself the Yes Men. Definitely worth a read.
As an example of other past interventions by the Yes Men, the report then included this clip from 2006, where the Beeb was fooled by Yes Man Andy Bichlbaum into believing that he was a spokesman for Dow Chemicals talking about the Bhopal tragedy and Union Carbide's role in it. I had never seen it before. It is unbelievably funny and I thought I'd share it here, not only as a testament to the creativity of these environmental activists but also to the gullibility of the media (even the BBC screws up big time some times!).
Enjoy! I would have loved to have seen the faces of Dow Chemicals management while this was on air.
So, um, how many Express Tribune staffers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently all of them... since everyone was too busy doing that to realize that their paper was reprinting yesterday's entire op-ed pages today, dates and all.
The Jang Group has become so obsessed with quickly seeing the back of the government and is probably salivating so much over the prospects of threatened long marches that sometimes it gets muddled up in its excitement...
This is the heading from yesterday's daily Jang about Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani trying to reassure people - dreading a government-Supreme Court showdown in court today (October 13) - that nothing bad would happen. The headline reads: "13 March Ko Kuchh Nahin Hoga..." [Nothing will happen on March 13...].
(Thanks to Maaz Abdullah for sending this to us.)
Just so you're assured that YRG didn't actually flub the month himself, this is how Dawn reported it.
I guess the Jang Group was too focused on the Geo-spearheaded 'Get Zardari' campaign to get their months correct. A sample of this campaign is reproduced below, this one invoking Muslim history to shame Zardari about the concept of justice (it ran on the front page of the Jang Group publications yesterday, thanks to Muhammad Shahid Khan for sending it to us). Other 'public service messages' on Geo question the constitutional immunity granted to the president, as if that immunity is something Zardari drafted himself.
Living with Justice and the Jang Group
As you may have heard, the governmental spokesperson Fauzia Wahab has announced that the ruling Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) will from now on boycott Geo and Jang (what's the soft corner for The News all about?) because of their "partisanship." Fair enough, as long as that boycott means simply that PPP leaders will not appear on Geo's programmes or give interviews to Jang (it's their prerogrative) and does not mean stopping government advertising to them. Government advertising is state-controlled advertising and should have nothing to do with a particular party's stances.
But here's my problem with the government... Ms Wahab also goes on to state that:
"the Jang group was a defaulter of Rs8 billion and evader of taxes amounting to Rs1.68 billion."
So why don't you arrest its owners and put them on trial? What's with brandishing this as a smear tactic? If it's true (and it better be for you to say it Ms. Wahab), what stops you from taking action against the group? Or are tax laws only for the less powerful? Also, while you're at it, you may want to get those 25 ministers and countless rich parliamentarians (on an average worth over 8 crores each) who pay either no or incredibly little taxes to cough up their dues too.
I've resisted the urge to debunk or highlight the inanities that Fatima Bhutto has sometimes recently spouted, both in written or verbal form, for a long time. This despite the fact that since she started writing exclusively for "gora" publications (i.e. The Daily Beast, The New Statesman et al) and undertook a foreign tour to promote her book, her grasp on local reality seems to have become tenuous at best. And this I did simply because a friend laconically admonished me by saying "She's just trying to sell her book, yaar, so let her." Indeed, I contained myself even though her mantra seems to have become that any criticism of her positions or words is simply the work of bitter Pakistanis in the employ of the Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) out to get her, and the only people with any grasp of the reality of Pakistan are foreigners who accept what she says unquestioningly (and it's not like I'm the only one who's noticed).
Fatima Bhutto: instant expert (Photo: The Independent)
But, you know, there's a limit to how much ridiculousness I can bear. Especially when that stupidity is lapped up by even more clueless foreigners who present her various twists of facts and reality and her ignorance as some sort of gospel truth to their readers and viewers.
The reason I have been forced to break my self-imposed silence is this latest seemingly innocuous gem of an interview with her about five books she would recommend people to read. I say 'innocuous' because, for once, it doesn't involve her tweaking facts to suit her political agenda but only a bit of unbelievable ignorance. One could argue that I have chosen to focus on a really minor point in a minor interview but, for one, I believe it is emblematic of far greater issue, of people presenting themselves as experts on something they have no idea about. (Maybe that's why the site's tagline is 'Become an instant expert'.) Secondly, this minor bit of ignorance has been blown up as the defining part of the interview by the website in question. And third, I have a natural aversion to English-speaking people bullshitting about non-European languages.
Here is the bit of Ms Bhutto's imparted knowledge (presented in reference to American involvement in Pakistan) that made my head explode:
"In Urdu the word that we have for imperialism I find to be particularly telling. It’s samraj. What you have to realise is that Urdu is not a language where we have words for computer, or wifi or text messaging. It’s not a language that automatically updates itself as others do, like Arabic or French. So samraj is especially important because it literally means the raj of Uncle Sam."
Yes, believe it or not, Ms Bhutto thinks (no doubt with astute research and a wildly associative mind) that 'samraj' refers to Uncle Sam! Tell that to etymologists who trace the word to at least as far back as the ancient Hindu Sanskritic text Rig Veda (dated to between 1700BC-1100BC) when Urdu was nowhere on the horizon and which literally means "emperor." Emperors are imperial, no? (Thus 'imperialism' was easily translated as 'samraji nizam' in Urdu; incidentally 'istemaar' is also often used as a synonym though it technically refers to 'colonialism.')
But Ms Bhutto's faux etymology is not her only bit of ignorance. She decides she must explain why 'samraj' exists as a word in Urdu, mindbogglingly connecting it to the use of English language words in Urdu. First off, her basic understanding of the word's origins is wrong. Then her claims that Urdu has no words for 'computer', 'wifi' or 'text messaging' is inane. Urdu does: they are 'computer', 'wifi' and 'text' or 'sms'. They are as much a part of Urdu as 'telephone' or 'TV' or 'machine'. Incidentally does she know the Arabic word for 'radio'? It's 'radio', but with a soft 'D' since Arabic has no hard 'D'. Does she know the Persian word for 'photocopy' or 'stadium'? They are 'fotocopy' (with a soft 'T' because Persian has no hard 'T') and 'estadyaum'. Even the French purists have a hard time keeping universally used words out of the mouths of their compatriots. Oh, and the word for wi-fi in French? Wi-Fi.
"Not a language that automatically updates itself"??? You would have to be a total ignoramus about the evolution of Urdu as a lingua franca, bringing together words from Arabic, Persian, Turkish, Sanskrit and even English (among other languages) to make such a remarkable claim. If anything, the inclusion of these English language words, among thousands of others, is proof of the language's inherent dynamism and openness. That is how Urdu was essentially formed in the first place. And it is a far more "automatically updating" language than either Arabic or French incidentally.
But on a bigger scale, Ms Bhutto's claims about linguistics fly in the face of how all living languages enrich themselves in general. By her skewed logic, English is a poor language too since most of its words derive from Latin or old French or Gaelic and yes, even Sanskrit and Urdu. Words like 'dacoit', 'doosra', 'balti', 'jungle', 'juggernaut', 'trignometry', 'shampoo', 'bandana', 'sentry', 'pariah', 'khaki', 'bangles', 'cheetah', 'pyjama', 'bazaar', 'cheroot', 'bungalow', 'avatar', 'cummerbund', 'guru', etc. etc. etc. all derive originally from Indian languages but are considered part of proper English.
Oh, and the word 'raj'? Guess where that came from.
Moral of the story: Don't talk about things you know nothing about.
Tailpiece: Incidentally, if you have an interest in the linguistics and evolution of Urdu, you might wish to take a look at this very interesting talk by linguist Dr Tariq Rehman, given at the TEDx Conference that recently took place in Lahore:
You have to have a certain gift to so consistently put your foot in your mouth with unfortunate choices of metaphors.
The office of the President of Pakistan has sent out an official message from him on the occasion of 14th August, which begins with the following words:
“Today is a watershed mark in the history of the country..."
As if this choice of words at a time when almost a tenth of the all Pakistanis are under water in the biggest floods in recorded memory were not bad enough, please look at the phrasing his message writers then manage to come up with:
“The enthusiasm of the Independence Day this year however has been dampened because of the unprecedented floods..."
Dampened??? Did they actually say this without any sense of irony? You might be forgiven for thinking some juvenile was giggling away in the office while coming up with such atrocious puns. But you may be forgetting the way with words the PPP spokesperson Farahnaz Ispahani has. Remember, it was she who claimed recently in an interview with CNN that the criticism of President Zardari's trip to his French chateau and the UK at the time of such devastation in Pakistan from torrential rains, "would turn out to be a storm in a teacup." Five Rupees has a post on that particular episode, with the clip, here.
On the other hand, why blame Ms Ispahani, when her boss himself comes up with gems such as "storms will come and storms will go" on the same trip.
Can we say that Zardari and his advisers seem more than a little wet behind the ears? Or would we be then accused of being wet blankets?
Two bits of silliness from the Pakistani media today.
The first comes from Geo Online (thanks to Huma Imtiaz for pointing it out). Please note the illustration to go with a factual report about a European study that shows that "Further education helps reduce memory loss."
Yes, that would be Homer Simpson. I wonder if the graphics guy is the same who passed off a map of Tolkien's fictitious Middle Earth as a map of Waziristan on Geo News for ages...
The second bit of silliness is from the Express Tribune which carries on its back page a potentially very interesting report about a Pakistani scientist who analyses forensic data from suicide blasts. I say 'potentially' of course because ET's reporter and/or subeditors manage to turn the story into a bit of a funny farce.
For example, this is how they present one aspect of the findings graphically:
Yes, that caption reads: "Just by changing the way a crowd of people stand near a suicide bomber can reduce deaths by 12 per cent." Lovely. I'm sure people would just love to be arranged properly around a suicide bomber.
But wait, there's a slight problem. According to the article:
"The analysis also shows that announcing the threat of a suicide blast in a crowd could result in higher casualties."
...Mainly because people tend to stampede "in one direction", ostensibly away from the suicide bomber, instead of waiting to be arranged in the right formation, stupid gits.
Oops. So the trick would be to get the people to arrange themselves in the correct formation without really knowing that some of them (those not in the 12 per cent) were about to be blown to smithereens. Hmmmm. The actual substance of what the scientist is saying is far more nuanced I can assure you.
If you don't know the television phenomenon known as Mathira, you have obviously been living on a different planet than the rest of Pakistan for the last two years. Or at least the rest of lewd, young, male Pakistan in any case. Starting off as a limber-limbed yoga instructor on morning TV and moving on as a deliberately coquettish veejay on Vibe TV, she soon became the one reason some people religiously watched that channel. She also became known as the "Gujji Gujji Girl", a title derived from the gibberish combination of sounds she adopted as her takia kalam for some unknown reason, right before she usually blew a kiss to her excited / excitable audiences. She has entire sleazy blogs and a number of Facebook fan pages devoted to her, and probably more Youtube clips than you can count and now hosts a show (probably aptly) titled "Love Indicator."
Mathira: suggestive enough for you yet?
A friend sent me the following clip from Vibe TV with the claim that this must be a first for Pakistani TV. Unfortunately, it isn't. Although I have not been able to identify the timeline for this particular clip, in a quick search I came across at least two or three similar instances of live calls gone wrong from other programmes involving Mathira... which suggests to me that this may be some sort of policy of sleazy leniency encouraged by the head honchos at Vibe.
In any case, just in case you think the mainstream channels are where the action is at (it isn't, believe me, try also some of the Sindhi and Punjabi entertainment channels), here's the clip that should explain in general terms why a time delay on live broadcasts is generally a good idea. At least if you're not into encouraging a certain sort of viewer interaction...
I have to say, however, that, for whatever it's worth, one must admire the poise of Mathira. She should not have been put in that situation in the first place but she handled it as best as she could on live TV. Somehow I don't think this is the last time she'd have to do it.
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