Shameless

Just when you think Pakistani political discourse cannot sink any lower, your delusions are undermined with even more sleaze.

Our SleazeMaster of the Day is none other than Sindh Home Minister, Dr. Zulfiqar Mirza, who has never been a stranger to spouting crude diatribes in an 'I'll say what I want and I don't care what you think!' fashion. He has understandably been under some pressure recently since his party, the Pakistan People's Party's (PPP's) main parliamentary ally, the Muttaheda Qaumi Movement (MQM), had sort of made his removal from his current post or a restraining order on his mouth a precondition for continuing support to the government. He seems to have been particularly irked by a story in The News and Jang on March 14 that he was about to be shown the door as Home Minister within 10-12 days and it was partly the intervention of his wife, Fehmida Mirza, the current Speaker of the National Assembly, that prevented an immediate boot. Nothing cuts as deep for a self-professed "badmaash" than a blow to his manliness apparently.

Whether that particular story is correct or not (Mirza calls it baseless), the minister decided to vent his frustration on the floor of the Sindh Assembly by moving a 'privilege motion' calling for the publisher and editor of The News to be summoned to the provincial parliament to answer his charges of concocting stories. But of course Mirza could not leave it just at that. He then went on to personally target the CEO of the Jang Group, Mir Shakilur Rehman (MSR), in what can only be called one of the sleaziest speeches ever made on the floor of any parliament.

You have to hear Mirza in all his sleazy glory to understand what I mean:




In case you cannot follow the Urdu, basically, the gist of his defamatory diatribe against MSR was this: MSR as a schoolboy was picked up by a local thug, sexually abused and photographed in compromising positions and then blackmailed with those photographs for about a year. In an act of apparent charity, Mirza and his friends, Agha Siraj Durrani (also a provincial minister) and President Asif Zardari - who were all schoolmates of MSR - managed to get the photographs back from the thug (how, it's not quite made clear) so that the blackmailing could be put an end to. And this is why MSR continues to harbour a grudge against them and is running negative stories about them. And if he doesn't stop, Mirza promised to bring the photographs to show in the Sindh Assembly to humiliate MSR.

If you think the above story makes no sense, that would make two of us. First of all, if Mirza et al were his benefactors, why would MSR hold a grudge against them? Secondly, if the threat of further blackmail from them were the reason for MSR's upset, well, hasn't Mirza proved those fears correct with his words today? In fact, has he not openly and publicly threatened blackmail? But far more importantly, what kind of person - let alone a legislator - thinks it is perfectly all right to relate such a story for public consumption, not to mention in the vulgar street language employed? And this person is supposed to be responsible for law and order in this blighted province?

I don't really care what the agreement between the PPP and MQM is. Zulfiqar Mirza deserves to be sacked for this speech. And sacked immediately.

Of course, let's not forget that the only major channel to carry this speech verbatim was Express News and its sister English language channel Express 24/7, whose owner Sultan Lakhani has been in a long-standing, bitter rivalry with MSR. You cannot convince me that his own personal rivalry and a desire to humiliate MSR were not a factor in the decision to run such a shameful speech.

The Hypocrisy Stakes

For those of you who (rightfully) never tire of running Geo / ARY down for their positions at the head of a particularly irrational class of reactionary sensationalist media, watch out. There's a new contender in town vying for the crown. And its name is Samaa.

If that looks a bit unsettling, so is the channel now

Do you know what the top headline for the channel's news was for hours this evening - at least all the way from the 9 o' clock news until the last time I checked? Not the floods, not the latest drone attack, not the ongoing government-supreme court tussle, not the alleged terrorist plot in Europe supposedly traced to Pakistan, not the dire status of the economy, not the New York Times reports of military displeasure with the government, not the seeming ideological about-turn of the MQM and its implications for the coalition government. No, it was a story about a debate within the Sindh Assembly about alcohol.

Okay, so one can legitimately question whether the Sindh Assembly should be discussing the merits of the alcohol ban in Pakistan at this point in time when myriad far greater problems confront the country and the province. And apparently the assembly members did spend a bit of time discussing the merits of foreign versus local booze in a light-hearted manner. But the TOP story???

And what a story it was! Replete with snarky audio clips of film music about addictive "sharaab" [alcohol] and double entendre narration (example: "Iss se pehlay ke arakeen behek jaatay aur shaam dhalak jaati..." [Before the members could be led astray and the evening spilled over...]), the report steadfastly ignored the fact that the debate actually began over a parliamentarian pointing out the damage that illegal (and dangerous) moonshine often inflicts on citizens. Perfectly legitimately, the member questioned the hypocrisy of a system in which the elite can get foreign booze in restaurants, clubs and 5-star hotels and are never prosecuted for their open consumption but the poor are hauled off to jails for possession of even small amounts of liquor and suffer far more than that in terms of health. This is an extremely valid argument and goes right to the heart of the class hypocrisy that makes up the rotten state of affairs in Pakistan. And before any of you get self-righteously religious on me, keep in mind that the debate was not specifically about Muslims and that there is a sizable population of non-Muslims in Sindh as well who are affected by the same double-standards. Not that I think the state should be interfering in individual Muslims' personal choices either.

But of course Samaa and its reporter were having none of that. All they were interested in was in sensationalizing the fact that a debate about alcohol was even happening in the Sindh Assembly at all. (And, aside from the issue of the timing of it, why should it not?) And by implication, scandalizing those who were taking part as imbibers and drunkards. It was all akin to fifth-graders snickering over the mention of the word 'sex'. (I can't find the report yet on Youtube but will upload it once / if it does come online.)

To further inflame the passions of its viewers, the channel took on the phone former minister Dr Sher Afgan Niazi to express his "sorrow" over the debate and to berate it as not only "haraam" (forbidden) but "against the constitution." So, now even debating an issue of social relevance and health can be unconstitutional and un-Islamic. (Incidentally, what the hell happened to Sher Afgan? Recall that the man, before becoming General Musharraf's parliamentary spokesperson, was once considered a liberal PPP stalwart as well.)

Of course this is the same Samaa, whose anchor Meher Bokhari conducted an incendiary (and severely ill-informed) programme at the height of the Florida-based Quran-burning provocation, with nary a thought to the kind of uncontrollable passions it could give rise to. (To give you an idea of what that programme was like, it had on air, among others, whacko conspiracy theorist Shireen Mazari and the head of the Sipahe Sahaba Mohammad Ahmad Ludhianvi as 'expert' commentators and even broadcast pictures of some nutcase burning a Quran in New York.) Obviously the channel has decided to unceremoniously dump its much-touted erstwhile slogan decrying sensationalism ("Sansani Nahin, Siraf Khabar" [No Sensationalism, Only News]).

Now, we have always maintained that a person's lifestyle choices are their own and should not be a topic of public gossip. (Recall that we defended Bokhari and others when a right-wing website made salacious claims about their private conduct.) But I also think it is legitimate to discuss them when that person himself or herself make them an issue for others, particularly hypocritically. And it's about time that someone put an end to these kinds of blatant double standards. So, I suppose it would be perfectly reasonable to point out that Samaa TV's owner, Zafar Siddiqui, rather likes his Scotch (and this is no mere hearsay). The duplicity of a channel with a whiskey-swilling owner holding others to the fire for even discussing alcohol is just a bit too much to bear.

Samaa's owner and Mr Walker are good friends

So, how do you like them apples, Mr Siddiqui?

Parliamentary Cretinism - Part I

Two stories, from two provincial assemblies had me in fits. Or they would have, had I known what to make of them.

The first comes from the Sindh Assembly, which in its session to pass the provincial budget, also took time out to observe one minute of solemn silence for... Michael Jackson. Yes, believe it or not. WTF?!? As Dan Qayyum of the blog Pakistan Ka Khuda Hafiz observed in his post 'A Minute's Silence for the Death of Common Sense, Please':

"The point isn’t whether Jacko was a global superstar or that he had reportedly converted to Islam – Michael Jackson had absolutely f*ck-all to do with Pakistan, its history, its culture, its language, its people and its politics. This is the Provincial Assembly of Sindh, Pakistan, not the California State Assembly. Or are we now officially the 51st state?

What next? Will Muttahida’s gun toting ‘activists’ and PPP Jayalas forcefully shut all businesses in Karachi for a shutter-down strike next time Britney shaves her head? Or will we have a national day of mourning when Paris Hilton’s little pooch dies?"

I always knew that MJ had a special place in the hearts of Makranis (understandably) and Sindhis (inexplicably) but irrespective of the Sindh Assembly wanting to Heal the World, surely this is setting a Bad precedent. In the face of the myriad other problems facing the province, this bit of sentimental tomfoolery could even be termed Dangerous. Perhaps all I want to say is, they don't really care about us.

The second news item comes from the Punjab Assembly where Shakespearean quotes seem to have sparked off an offense-taking spree from Lahore-loving MNAs. According to Dawn (pg3, 'Of Lahore, Rome and Prickliness'):

"Sheikh Ala-ud-Din of PML-Q Forward Bloc on Saturday must have made history in the Punjab Assembly when he walked out of the house in protest against something that was never said. The ire of the Sheikh, a member from Kasur (PP-181) fell on Mohsin Leghari (PP-245, DG Khan) of the PML-Q when Mr Leghari, while accentuating his southern roots, read a few lines from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. Mr Leghari, delivering his budget speech, maintained the finance bill was more of an urban document, which excluded rural development. Speaking on the neglect of southern Punjab, he said though he loved Lahore – a city where he was educated, got his first employment and still resides in – he has not forgotten his ancestral land. Explaining his predicament, he quoted from the last scene of the Julius Caesar, where Brutus explains his killing of Caesar by saying: “It’s not that I loved Caesar less, but I loved Rome more.” Provoked either by his lack of understanding or knowledge, Mr Ala-ud-Din immediately stood on a point of order and started grilling Mr Leghari for insulting Lahore, which gave him education, employment and residence, and thundered:

“This Lahore bashing must end, especially by those who have benefited immensely from the city.” Both Speaker Rana Iqbal and Mr Mohsin tried to convince their colleague that no insulting remark had been passed against Lahore, but to no avail. After making an emotional speech, Sheikh Ala-ud Din walked out of the house in protest against “insult to Lahore”. He was later brought back by Education Minister Mian Mujtaba Shujaur Rahman on speaker’s request, and the minister also lectured the house on avoiding hurting each others’ territorial feelings. As if all this was not enough, Dr Asad Ashraf of the PML-N found a new dimension to the innocent quote and stunned everyone in the house. On next point of order, he took off by saying: “Since Mr Mohsin has called himself Caesar, he must know how Caesar was born. It was his difficult birth, which gave birth to Caesarian Operation (C-Section). How bad Caesar proved for his mother.”"

You know what they say, about a little education being a bad thing?