Just Not Cricket

So, yeah I've been watching the T20 Cricket World Cup in spite of myself and my perennial dismay at the depths the Pakistan team can sink to. Actually, I have been often caught between a desire to slash my wrists and the beginnings of an uncontrollable belly laugh. What can you say about a team whose getting through to the second round was contingent on Australia beating Bangladesh (!) - which, for a while last night almost looked like it incredibly might not happen. And which, when it did get through today, managed to do everything within its collective power to self-destruct by dropping not one, not two, not three, not even four but FIVE catches!

Meanwhile, its skipper, the redoubtable Mr. Boom Boom's explanation for the dismal showing bordered on the farcical. He said (and I quote from the Geo crawler): "I don't know why the fielding has been so poor." (This from the same responsible captain who assuaged everyone's fears that he would get out early by hitting one of his reckless shots by running himself out on the first ball he faced.) You moron! Have you considered the fact that it's because the team is full of other morons as well?

But am not here tonight to harp on the cricket, or what passes for the sport in this format of the game. (Really, what's the point?) Rather, I want to talk about what I have been fascinated by these last few days, i.e. the 'television' that surrounds the matches. (If you, like most people - though unlike Geo bigwigs - watch on Geo Super, you might refer to it as the Kurleez chips ads that are punctuated every once in while by the cricket.) I have a few general questions and observations regarding the programming and ads:


1. It is my considered opinion that everyone associated with Geo Super should be lined up and shot. Geo Super now runs ads not just between overs and after the fall of wickets and as overlays on the action, but also cuts away in between the successive deliveries of an over! (Can this be called grabbing viewers by the 'short and Kurleez'?) Where is the Supreme Court and its suo moto action when you need it? Does PEMRA have no mandate to safeguard the fundamental right of viewers not to have apoplectic fits of rage? Has greed driven everyone stark raving mad at the Jang Group? And if the marketing department at Geo thinks it's such hot shit, let's see the same thing on the rest of Geo's programming. I can just see it now: Kamran Khan asks a question of Babar Awan but before his guest answers, we cut away to a Bollocks Biscuits ad, only coming back once the reply is half-way through. Cooking oil ads between every news headline. A "Do the Dew" break every time Ansar Abbasi says "Dekhain" or Dr S&M opens his mouth. Ok, that last bit might actually improve the programming but you get idea. Let's see how that works for you Geo. I can guarantee the marketing department it will earn them lots of moolah. At least for a day.


2. Is there anything more moronic, unhinged and cruel than the current Mobilink Jazz series of ads in which a slew of celebrities from Shahid Afridi to Wasim Akram and Ali Zafar tell you at the end that you, the miserable viewer, should not watch the ad at the moment but the match? Yes. We. Would. If. Only. You. And. Geo Super. Would. Effing. Let. Us!


3. Has anyone else noticed the difference in the adverts on Geo Super and Star Cricket (the other channel beaming the Cup live that I am able to receive)? Geo Super beaming to Pakistan is all about the chips (Kurleez) , the biscuits (Bakeri Bistiks, Gluco, Chocolatto or something similarly crappy), the ice creams frozen desserts (Wall's Badami), the sodas (Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Coke, Sprite) and the mobile phone services (Zong, Jazz), along with some beard colouring (Just for Men), anti-dandruff shampoos (Clear, Head and Shoulders), shaving equipment (Gillette razors) and the odd HBL Easy Finance (probably to fund the snacks and the mobile bills). On the other hand, Star Cricket - beaming obviously mainly to the Indian market - is mostly all about sex and technology. Lustful women in skimpy clothing going bonkers over men's deodorants (Zatak) and men's hair gel (Set Wet), motorbikes that dump their riders to pick up hitchhikers in hot-pants (Bajaj?) and ferry horny men to their girlfriends at night (who cares?), internet and video on demand (Reliance Mobile) and 12-megapixel digital cameras in mobile phones. What are we to make of this? Is this the basic difference between Pakistan and India? We are hirsute, itchy, eat junk and talk non-stop; they strip, take high-resolution photos of themselves naked and put them on the net over a high-speed connection?


4. I know this is kind of a tangent but I have to ask: What on earth is that Mirage Insecticide ad all about? If you haven't seen it (though it's on whenever I switch on television), here is a summary: Woman sprays insecticide, man seems to orgasm breathing in the fumes, man tries to gather all the insecticide spray cans and mosquito coils in his arms, woman beams him on the head with a frying pan knocking him out, woman says proudly "Ab chalay ga mera raj!" while holding up a spray can. ... My questions are a) Is the man her husband or a thief? b) If he is a thief, is insecticide spray so expensive now that he would try and steal it and she would seek to protect it by using violence? c) If he is her husband, what is going on in their married life that she needs to wallop him one with a frying pan? d) Was the whole thing concocted so that the stupid pun (Mirage / Mera Raj) could be used? And if so, what were the creative geniuses at the advertising agency smoking?





5. Geo Super's studio set for the T20 World Cup consists of a backdrop designed like a funky comic-strip about cricket, in front of which sits the decidedly unfunky Yahya Al-Husseini (Geo's whiny sports correspondent) with his two cricketing experts, former skipper and wicket-keeper Moin Khan and former human Shoaib Akhtar. That would be all fine and well but for the fact that because of the strategic placement of the chairs, Yahya Al-Husseini seems to permanently have a dialogue balloon coming out of his head that reads "Oh my God, please help me!". Meanwhile, whenever they cut to a single shot of the Rawalpindi Genital Warts Express, he has a box next to his head that reads "Clap!". My question is, could this be deliberate? Could someone at Geo really have a sense of humour? Would we need to reassess our opinion of Geo if that is the case?


6. And finally, see the following video / extended commercial for Pepsi that serves as the pep rally for the Pakistan cricket team at the T20 World Cup (fat lot of good it's doing them!):




Ok so it's all very pseudo-uplifting, despite the irritating mispronunciation of 'azm' as 'azzam' and its OTT macho sentiment where women exist merely to support and admire their men and any other random boys who happen to pass by. But here are my queries and observations about it:

a.) At 0:23: Since the shirt was packed away in a bag, why is it all dusty? Did a can of talcum powder explode inside? And carrying forward the metaphor for our cricketing glory (which this dusty shirt obviously is), wouldn't it have been better to have utilized the time since 1992 (by the way, we did win the T20 World Cup in 2009, in case anyone cares to remember) to actually train and practice, rather than expect glory to suddenly come springing out of a bag? We certainly could have used some catching practice for one.

b) At 0:30: When the girl shakes her head at the silly dreamworld of her brother / boyfriend / husband, does she not perfectly reflect the entire disgruntled country? No wonder she seemed happier in the condom ad.

c) At 0:56, 1:46 and 2:50: Where is Mehreen Raheel planning to hold up these signs that she's making? She's certainly not in the West Indies for sure and she never actually goes to any stadium. And if she plans on holding them up while watching television in her tv lounge, how sorry is her life? Also, is it just me or did anyone else keep wondering why she was making a placard that read "CHAR JAO" - I know now that it's just a badly drawn 'A' at the end, but can you imagine explaining that to a bunch of rowdy laundas if she ever actually managed to take the sign out in a public stadium?

d) At 2:32: Was the only reason to include a tennis player in this video because Pepsi has also signed up Aisam ul Haq? Because, you know, there's a bunch of other dedicated sportsfolk in Pakistan too. And isn't the shot of him sitting in isolation at 2:41 an apt reflection of how little appreciation they get unless they jump on the cricket bandwagon?

e) At 3:12: Curiously, all the shirts being beaten during the wash at the dhobi ghat (See? All classes are passionate about the game, the affluent get to wear the shirts, the poor wash them) are blue. Is this a subliminal message about the blue-shirted team?

'Come and see us at the dhobi ghat'

If anyone has any answers, would be happy to hear them. Personally, as far as the World Cup is concerned, the Super Eights stage may not be a sudden death round, but I think that just means our team's demise will be long and excruciatingly drawn out.

Schadenfreude

I know one should not gloat over the misfortunes of others but in two developing stories the irony is so incredibly intense that one cannot but help feeling some level of poetic justice has been served. Kind of.

The first story, of course, relates to Slimebag Lalit Modi, the Chairman and Commissioner of the cricketing Indian Premier League (IPL) who, at least until now, seemed to have a smug expression pasted permanently to his face and went round boasting nothing could touch him. And well he might have, given that his personal fortunes have risen as exponentially as the fortunes of the IPL. In three years of the IPL, Modi last year became one of the highest tax payers - if not the highest - in India. According to a report in The News yesterday:

"Modi’s fortunes are intrinsically linked with the IPL. In 2007, he made an an advance tax payment of Rs 19 lakh. In 2008, when the first edition of the IPL was launched, the advance tax shot up to Rs 2.5 crore. In 2009, when the IPL was shifted to South Africa, Modi paid Rs 32 lakh as advance tax and in 2010, the advance tax component has gone up to Rs 11 crore."

Of course, Modi's good fortunes are not what one begrudges him - and he has obviously worked hard to pull off the IPL as a world-class entertainment tournament no matter what one thinks of its cricketing worth. I don't even care that much about his previous criminal convictions for cocaine abuse, assault with a deadly weapon and kidnapping. No, it's just his persona that really rubs me (and dare I say, a lot of other people) up the wrong way. And by that I mean his mealy-mouthed platitudes and his obvious nouveau bravado. And what a fall from grace! From uncrowned king of India, he is now accused of corruption, allegedly having retained "silent stakes" in three of the IPL teams, allegedly being involved in match-fixing and betting as well as having made questionable business deals involving his relatives. He is likely to be removed as IPL Commissioner in the coming week because everyone seems to have turned against him.

Lalit Modi: smug no more (source: Getty Images)

As Indian columnist Aakar Patel writes in the Express Tribune, (referencing Modi's Twitter expose of Junior Foreign Minister Shashi Tharoor's alleged under-the-table stakes, which began the whole saga):

"The board dislikes Modi because he is flamboyant. He set up his office in the Four Seasons, Bombay’s most expensive hotel. He is driven around in a BMW, and is often seen signing autographs. He has made the official channel (Sony) cower, and they make reference to him in every match. Such hubris rarely escapes punishment, and it looks like it will come to Modi. This is a shame because, despite his stupidity and nepotism, he remains an organiser of world class ability. No Indian has been able to put together a tournament of this quality, much less in such a short time. He could have continued his success for years, but Modi needlessly exposed himself in his war with Tharoor. Why did he want Tharoor out? Because he wanted no politicians to share in the IPL’s cash."

But more than Modi's personal woes, what is perhaps more satisfying is to see  the IPL venture itself come under some long-needed scrutiny. The Indian politicians who have dubbed it a "Corruption Premier League" may have their own axes to grind. But had such a venture taken place in Sharjah, Dubai or anywhere in Pakistan, you can be sure that the cries of it being a hub of illegal betting syndicates and match-fixing touts would have gained ground long ago. After all, the T20 format itself seems tailor-made for such involvement. Pakistan's cricketers should be thanking their lucky stars they were forced out of the IPL this time round.


The second story that has had me smacking my head at its unbelievable irony has to do with the abduction in Waziristan by militants and holding for ransom of the infamous Brigadier (retd) Amir Sultan Tarrar aka 'Colonel Imam' and Squadron Leader (retd) Khalid Khwaja. Both of these gentlemen, it may be recalled, are (officially former) ISI officers, who have long been unequivocal in their support of the Taliban.

'Colonel Imam': shepherding the righteous Taliban (source: Dawn)

'Colonel Imam' is considered one of the chief military advisers to the Afghan Taliban during Pakistan's days of direct support to the militia. He recently surfaced once again on the electronic media, espousing his support for the "God-fearing" Taliban. Khwaja's actual brief is far murkier - some journalists claim he is a loon - though he recently came to the limelight with his championing in courts of the alleged jihadists 'disappeared' ostensibly by the state's intel agencies post 9/11. He has also been in the forefront of fighting the Aafia Siddiqui case in Pakistan's courts.

Khalid Khwaja: human rights activist or loony double agent?

According to reports, the two were accompanying a British-Pakistani filmmaker Asad Qureshi out to make a documentary on the Taliban and Al Qaeda, who is also missing. Militants calling themselves Asian Tigers (truly non-Taliban nomenclature if ever there was one) have released videos of the captured former officers and Qureshi, and have threatened to kill the three (beginning with Qureshi) unless certain big-name Taliban commanders recently arrested were not released and a US$10 million ransom not paid by the UK government.

Of course, this is not a situation anyone could ever be happy about, no matter what the irony of seeing Imam and Khwaja in militant custody. And there are also some big questions unanswered: such as, who are the Asian Tigers? (In fact, Khwaja's wife has claimed that it is the CIA that has picked up her husband and the others, a claim rubbished by the US).

I have to admit, however, that knowing the shady backgrounds of both Colonel Imam and Khwaja, I am not entirely convinced of this story. Or if you will, there seems to be too much irony in it for it to ring true. I hope my gut instinct is not completely off the mark.

A Bit Of Gillyness

I might be being really thick but I just don't understand this. The following is DawnNews' announcement of its mascot for the T20 Cricket World Cup...

Now, although it's sweet to bring attention to the endangered Blind Dolphins of the Indus, and personally I have no problems with choosing them as the mascot, I want to know the following to set my mind to rest:


1. When you explain your choice in the following words:

"Even though it is blind and many may consider this a handicap, the Indus River Dolphin capitalizes on its other senses such as sonar and echolocation to the best of its ability to survive" [Emphasis added]

...Wouldn't this be kind of implying that our cricketers would be really lucky to just survive the World Cup? Or that they would need to capitalize on something other than their cricketing ability, since we all know that can be a handicap?


2. Given that the blind dolphins are imperilled by a destruction of habitat and a lack of conservation, are we also not kind of implying that our cricket is in similar dire straits? I mean, of course it is, but is that what we really want to convey as a morale booster?


3. Why is the mascot called Gilly? I mean, really, why is he called Gilly??? Isn't that the well-known nickname of Australian wicket-keeper / batsman Adam Gilchrist (retired from international cricket) who now captains the Deccan Chargers in the Indian Premiere League? Who are we rooting for here? Or is it meant to refer to Umar Gul, the leading wicket-taker in T20s so far, who may not play in this World Cup? Or is it a reference to gilly danda, the game T20 cricket really is closest to?

I want answers and I want them now.

Kaminey! - Updates

Precisely as I feared in my earlier post. Sigh!

This from Dawn on January 21.

Cable operators to boycott IPL telecast

Thursday, 21 Jan, 2010

        

LAHORE: As the Indian Premier League (IPL) controversy deepens, cable operators on Thursday announced a ban on the telecast of IPL matches.

 

Heeding a call by the sports minister, the Cable Operators Association of Pakistan (CAP) announced a boycott of the telecast of all the IPL matches after none of the Pakistani players were selected for the league.

 

The announcement was made at a press conference in Lahore.

 

Addressing the conference, CAP President Captain Retd. Jabbar Ahmad said that the association condemned the attitude of Indian Cricket Board.

 

He said that the decision was taken in a meeting of the cable operators association and it will be implemented across the country.

In addition to this reaction (how will Geo Super deal with this?), so far, there have been calls for banning Indian films in Pakistani cinemas once again (a real case of cutting off the nose to spite the face, if it happens, in my opinion), a parliamentary delegation has cancelled its plans to visit Delhi and the government had stopped the Election Commission from sending some of its officials to meet with their respected counterparts in India. As I predicted, madness now rules.

Kaminey!

Am(a)n Ki Asha, my ass. After seeing what happened with the Pakistani players in the Indian Premier League (IPL) auction today, rather than the Gulzar-penned, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan-sung "Sur Bulaatay Hain", here's what the theme song for Indo-Pak relations really should be:



But let's backtrack. It would do well to remember that the Pakistan T20 team is the reigning World Champions and the #1 ranked team on the planet. Forget about proper cricket, like Test and even one-day, as far as the T20 format is concerned, we have the players everyone wants to see. Game-changing short format players like Shahid Afridi,  Umar Gul, Kamran Akmal and Rana Naveed, to say nothing of explosive upcoming talents such as Umar Akmal and Mohammad Aamer that have drawn praise from every commentator in the world. So what happens when they are put up for auction at the IPL? No bids. Nada. Not for a single one out of 11 Pakistani players up for grabs.

Shahid Afridi: "The best T20 player" not good enough for IPL

A bit strange? You think? Remember these are the same "franchises" that were falling over themselves two years ago for prima donnas like Shoaib Akhtar (Kolkata Knight Riders) and even relying heavily on workhorses like Sohail Tanveer (Rajasthan Royals). Yes, the recession has hit even the IPL and only 11 of the 66 players on offer were signed up, but compare the players on offer from Pakistan with the players actually signed up:

- Kieron Pollard (WIS) to Mumbai Indians for 750,000 dollars

- Shane Bond (NZL) to Kolkata Knight Riders for 750,000 dollars

- Kemar Roach (WIS) to Deccan Chargers for 720,000 dollars

- Wayne Parnell (RSA) to Delhi Daredevils for 610,000 dollars

- Mohammad Kaif (IND) to Kings XI Punjab for 250,000 dollars.

- Eoin Morgan (ENG) to Bangalore Royal Challengers for 220,000 dollars

- Damien Martyn (AUS) to Rajasthan Royals for 100,000 dollars

- Justin Kemp (RSA) to Chennai Super Kings for 100,000 dollars

- Thissara Perera (SRI) to Chennai Super Kings for 50,000 dollars

- Adam Voges (AUS) to Rajasthan Royals for 50,000 dollars

- Yusuf Abdulla (RSA) to Kings XI Punjab for 50,000 dollars.

Aside from three or perhaps four, the others are either retired, semi-retired, or relative unknowns. To add insult to injury, this is how IPL Slimebag-in-Chief Lalit Modi explains the lack of a single bid for Pakistani players:

"There were so many players left out in the auction and each team had its own strategy. I have no reason to believe there could be any other reason," Modi said. "Availability of the players was a key issue with the franchisees without doubt," he said.

Oh come on! Strategy? Availability? No other reason? At least admit that you told the team owners that they would pick Pakistani players at their own risk because the Indian government might not give them clearance at the last minute. I'd rather have your bigotry than your doublespeak!

Lalit Modi: slimebag extraordinaire

But here's what I really think about this whole sordid business: it may be, unintentionally, the best thing to happen to Pakistan cricket. For one, it may get our stupid, stupid cricketers mind off the money-making T20 format and let them focus on getting their cricketing basics sorted out. Secondly, it may wake up the sleeping Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) into setting its own house in order and stop relying on tournaments like IPL for reflected glory. (Wishful thinking, I know, but what's the harm in hoping for miracles?) And finally, I think the under-performing and overpaid Pakistani cricketers really do not deserve a high after their crap performances Down Under.

As for Modi and his double-speaking compatriots, I hope they get the IPL they deserve. They've probably lost out on most Australians thanks to Bal Thackeray's threats. Most of the better English players have stayed away because of other cricketing commitments. By excluding Pakistani stars in this way - a decision that is sure to haunt them politically - the IPL may well end up with viewership like any other domestic tournament. I guess Shah Rukh Khan, Preity Zinta and Shilpa Shetty will really have their work cut out for them.

The question remains, however, will Geo Super back out of broadcasting a tournament that has made Pakistanis so pissed off?


Addendum-That-Should-Have-Been-Part-of-the-Post:

Actually, this should have been part of what I wrote earlier, since it was basically why I referenced Am(a)n Ki Asha in the beginning, and I have been reminded of the need to clarify this after a comment in the responses. (What can I say? It was late and I was pissed off AND sleepy...)

Basically, what has pissed me off the most about the Indian treatment of Pakistani cricketers is precisely the fact that it has probably strengthened the hands of the hyper-nationalist nutters on both sides and that an excellent opportunity to move things along on the path to normalization of relations between India and Pakistan has been squandered. The disdainful treatment meted out to Shahid Afridi et al will reinforce the opinion in Pakistan that the Indians are out to humiliate and isolate Pakistan any which way they can and that the Indian establishment is not really serious about even rebuilding cordial relations, leave alone dealing with outstanding issues like Kashmir, water etc. Liberal Indians may dispute this but that is how things will be perceived in Pakistan. And the only ones to benefit will be those out to sabotage relations in the first place. Particularly sad considering that Indians never tire of lecturing Pakistanis about the need for regional cooperation and good neighbourly behaviour.

Stuff We Never Got Round To

Okay folks, have been trying to remember all the bits and pieces I wanted to blog about over the last couple of weeks but which I never got round to... I really should write them down immediately. In any case, here are the few I do remember...

First off, it was Dawn's fairly good exclusive interview with President Barrack Obama. (For some strange reason it is inaccessible at this time on Dawn but here's the full text of the interview.)

Yes, the interview was pretty good, dealing as it did with wide-ranging topics such as drones, the war on terror, Pakistan's economy, military and his ability to make a mean qeema and daal. But was it just me, or did anyone else find the front-page banner heading to that interview a bit strange? This was the heading:

"Beat extremists you can, says Obama"

Is he, like, our Yoda to Zardari's Luke Skywalker? I mean, he didn't actually use that phrasing in the interview so one would have to assume this is Dawn's interpretation of our intergalactic struggle.

The second thing is something that really sent my blood pressure rocketing. Who else, but Amir Liaquat in Aalim Online on June 24, celebrating (yes, you read that right: celebrating!) Ali Haider's renunciation of music and acting. I mean, is there no end to the schizophrenia of the Pakistani nation?! Or at least of Geo, which provides this madman the platform to hold forth at direct odds with Geo's supposed own policy of promoting an enlightened (i.e. non-Taliban) version of religion?

You can see the programme in three parts, here (part 1), here (part 2), and here (part 3). (Thanks to vidpk.com.)

The first part begins with ALH holding forth against the Pakistan government, people and media for not using the appellation "shaheed" for those killed in drone attacks, who have been killed by the forces of "yahood o nassara" (Jews and Christians)... watch it if you have the stomach for conspiracy theories (I found it offensive apologia in the extreme, couched in the usual verbal gymnastics of the manipulative mullah) or you can forward to around 09:00 when he turns his attention to Ali Haider. Don't miss, however, his bubbling over excitement at Ali Haider's renunciation of showbiz and the effusive call-ins and texts congratulating the singer/actor. Truly, perhaps Pakistan does deserve the Taliban.

In the beginning, Ali Haider claims it's the despondency at the current state of affairs that made him want not to sing any more. Of course, that did not satisfy the madman. He keeps prodding him to admit that he's done this because of the "nur" (enlightenment for you angrezes) filling his heart. When Ali Haider tells a caller (at 16:00 in the first part, continuing on in part 2) that he is not immediately going to start performing hamds and naats, the madman interjects that "yeh kehna chahiye ke abhi tau aap wazoo karein gay, uss ke baad mussallay pe kharray hon gay" (one should say, you will first do the ritual washing up, then stand on the prayer mat)... Eventually, he even expresses the hope (around 9:00 in part 3) that Ali's Haider's divorce (from showbiz) is permanent, not temporary.

Ali Haider may be one more confused soul following in the confused steps of Junaid Jamshed. But what do we make of Geo and it's schizophrenia? Jiyo tau aisay bhi? As for the fake-doctor-turned-madman, can no one rid us of this insufferable fellow?

The T20 final as NOT seen on Geo Super

The third thing I wanted to blog about was what a little (absolutely credible) birdie told me and relates once again to Geo's hypocrisy. While all of us were forced to watch the T20 World Cup only on Geo Super and subjected to the abominable Mr. Jeem's intrusions into the play (irritating choruses of "Jiyo tau aisay" breaking out at every bloody boundary, break-aways for commercials often before the last ball had been bowled in an over), guess where the top management of Geo watched the final? Not on Geo Super you can bet your ass!

Apparently the entire top management of the Jang Group (including owner Mir Ibrahimur Rehman (MIR, son of CEO MSR), Geo president Imran Aslam, Managing Director of Jang Group Shahrukh Hasan, Marketing Director Sarmed Ali et al, collected together at the Defence Karachi entertainment space Area 51 along with the other Geo staffers to enjoy the final between Pakistan and Sri Lanka on... South Africa's SuperSport channel, considered illegal in Pakistan and pointedly banned through Geo's efforts on cable across Pakistan during the World Cup.

No wonder, they could not fathom why Mr. Jeem was Hate Figure No. 1 across Pakistan the next day.

Afridi's Special Moment

So here's that wonderful, wonderful catch by Shahid Afridi to get rid of New Zealand's Scott Styris in the on-going ICC T20 tournament. Who says we're above pandering to the feel-good feeling in the country at the moment regarding our cricket team?

And the way I figure it, 1) such fielding is SO RARE in the Pakistani cricket team, we should really relish it when it does come our way; and 2) better to enjoy those fleeting moments of feel-goodness while they last. For all you know, we'll all be glum and moaning again after the semi-finals...

In Defence of Pakistani Cricket

Saeed Ajmal tries slapstick in effort to entertain

There has been much too much negativity around the Pakistani cricket team's performance after yesterday's match with England. Most of it, I think, is uncalled for.

People have criticized our fielding since we dropped at least 5 catches in the space of 20 overs, Saeed Ajmal dropping two, Ahmad Shehzad, Salman Butt and Yasir Arafat one each, and gave away, in the "shoulder-shrugging estimation" (as Andrew Miller termed it on Cricinfo) of skipper Younis Khan, about 20-25 runs through shoddy fielding. This is just looking at the bad aspect of things. Nobody's talking about the fact that we actually managed to take 3 catches (one of them not even a sitter) and restricted the English to just 185, when they could easily have crossed the 210 mark. I prefer to see the glass as half-full rather than half-empty.

Critics are also complaining about Pakistan's batting performance, claiming we never got going, or, as Waseem Akram put it in terms he understands best now, never "teed off." They point out that when we knew that we needed over 9 an over to begin with, we should have made full use of the fielding restrictions in the first 6 overs (as every side in T20 actually does), and when the required run rate shot up to over 16, gone for the big strokes rather than trying to gently nudge the ball for singles. They have also criticised the fact that whereas the English were hitting the ball at will over the boundary, our guys could hardly cover half the ground before being caught out at mid on. Personally, I think this was all a bit of miscommunication and does not warrant the kind of vicious attacks on Pakistani players we have seen. I have it on good authority that the captain had worked out a comprehensive strategy whereby the goundwork was being laid for the big assault between the 40th and 50th overs. Apparently panic set in around the 17th over when it was communicated to him that there were now only 3 overs remaining. Can happen to anyone.

There have also been calls for the head of the coach Intikhab Alam, especially since he is reputed to be earning in excess of 700,000 rupees per month without much to show in terms of success, or even a competent display on the field. Stories are circulating about him and Younis being at daggers drawn over strategy. Apparently this division arose particularly after the 17th over of Pakistan's batting when Younis began to panic, because in Inti's opinion, Pakistan should have tried to see the day out by preserving wickets. After Misbah holed out, Inti was in favour of sending in a night-watchman, a tactic Younis apparently rejected. This vilification of Inti, again, I think is, unfair and petty. Those who follow Pakistan cricket as assiduously as myself, know that all Inti ever promised when he took up the job was that we would get to see the "Pakistan team in a new light." I think he has lived up to that promise.

People bitching about our performance have also shut their eyes to the other positives that the game provided. It was lovely evening, the stands were full, they played "Dil Dil Pakistan" on the stadium speakers before the start of the Pakistan innings, a tune we thought had been consigned to the dustbin of history (and I don't agree with those who think that should have given us a clue to what kind of innings we would see), the rain didn't stop play in the middle and apparently the beer stall did roaring business despite (or perhaps because of) the Pakistanis present in the stands. Best of all, despite this being The Oval and the umpires being Billy Doctrove and an Australian, nobody walked out of the ground and refused to return.

In any case, as skipper Younis said to CricInfo, who really cares what happens in the T20 World Cup???:

"It won't be a disaster even if we exit before the Super Eights," said Younis. "It would be sad if we don't make it, but I have never attached too much importance to Twenty20 cricket, as it is fun cricket. I mean it is more for entertainment, even if it is international cricket. It is all for the crowd. Twenty20 is all about fun. Everybody expects players to come out and entertain."

I think the captain has it perfectly right. We have been highly entertained and we should be happy with that.