Fashion Passions

Recently, the comedian and writer Sami Shah tweeted the following image, accompanying the visuals with the line 'My gift to anyone who tries telling you that fashion in Pakistan should be taken seriously' :

I know this snub has probably enraged all the fashionistas out there, especially those who never tire of telling us how fashionpromotesourculture, how fashioninvolvesbloodsweatandtears, how fashioncanincreaseourexports and how fashionisfightingtheTaliban. But I would submit there's another reason why fashion is not taken seriously by anyone outside the fashionistas' charmed circle or at least certainly not as seriously as they hope it is taken: fashion journalism.

I personally have nothing against fashion designers per se. Some of them can be quite creative at what they do, everyone's got to make a living somehow and most people wear clothes and like nice clothes, even when they can't afford them. It's the fact that commodotized fashion seems to have subsumed every other bit of 'culture' - rather like a giant amoeba plunking its big fat cellular arse over anything of nutrient value and phagocytosisizing it - in the social / cultural / entertainment pages of our newspapers and magazines that I have a problem with. When a society begins to think of good looking people walking up and down ramps as the height of a cultural event, that society's got a problem, Taliban or no Taliban.

Take a look at the pages of our newspapers and you would think there's no higher achievement than a lawn exhibition here or a trade show there (and by God! there are a lot of them) and no greater creativity than the shaping of eyebrows and application of eye-shadow. Forget the advertising onslaught that crowds out city horizons and media space, copious editorial verbiage is dedicated to dissecting the latest twist of a paisley, the half-an-inch raising of a hemline, the ideological differences between the Pakistan Fashion Week, the Fashion Pakistan Week, the Fashion Showcase and the Pakistan Fashion Design Council Week (which of course reminds one of this). But perhaps it might even be somewhat bearable if there was actually any 'dissection' at all. No, the default characteristic of most fashion writing in Pakistan is to 'extol', as if the amoeba's life depended on it, and the position of writers on fashion more akin to phagocytosisized groupies than dispassionate journalists.

Consider what appeared in today's Instep pages in The News for example (by no means the only instance or the only space where such writing appears)...

Here's a box item that pretty much tells us all we need to know in the headline: that designers Hassan Sheheryar Yasin (of HSY) and Shehla Chatoor won awards for their designing at two separate fashion weeks. But then continues for four paragraphs of waffle that includes the following bit of purple prose:

"It’s the glamour of high fashion, the need for something new and the innovation of these designers that has won over the hearts of the voting public. The influence of fashion is breaking borders within the Pakistani public’s mindset. The imposing façade of designer fashion has been lifted and the opinion of the majority has softened the hard line which divided people’s views of fashion as elitist and unattainable. It’s the display of talent and the celebration of beautiful design which the public voted for by way of Shehla Chatoor and Hassan Sheheryar Yasin."

But for real overblown hype you must turn to the main article. A report on Day 4 of the PFDC Sunsilk Fashion Week, it is headlined, in faux deep analysis tone, 'Showmanship, the spirit of fashion and understanding the difference.' The article begins by gushing the following adjectives and phrases about HSY and his clothes: 'most magnificent', 'grand', 'divine', 'gorgeous', 'sexy' and concluding that 'the man is a wiz.'

And that's for a designer the writer claims was not as "exciting fashion-wise" as the others.

For the others and their shows, the following words and phrases are then deployed: 'king and queen', 'exquisitely tailored', 'gorgeous' (again), 'raging hit', 'great', 'masterstroke', 'panache', 'flawless', 'super hit', 'equally brilliant', 'wizard', 'hottest', 'new heights', 'such talent', 'brilliance' (again), 'brightest', 'most cutting edge', 'to die for', 'rollicking collection', 'fashion met art', 'one-of-a-kind', 'collector's item' and 'painstakingly perfect.' Well, at least you know that a thesaurus might be the best gift to get the author.

Seriously, if any other 'beat' carried this type of writing, it would be accused of being dangerously naive and simply promotional advertising rather than journalism. How can anyone then take fashion without a healthy heaping of salt?

The article ends with an exhortation:

“Let’s try something that hasn’t been done before.”

Not to put too fine a point on it, but yes, why don't we.

No Jokes Please, We're Fashionable

Pakistanis, in general, have little tolerance for satire about themselves. That is why political humour programmes on television usually have to preface their episodes with a disclaimer, labeling them clearly as satire and not to be taken seriously. But of all Pakistanis perhaps none are as dour, humourless and self-righteous as members of the fashion 'fraternity' (let's just say this fraternity is no Animal House). For all their claims of 'playfulness' and 'fun' in their designs, they are one acidic and sour lot when at the receiving end of even good-natured ribbing.

Witness the indignant response to Express Tribune's rather funny April 1st joke on its Lifestyle pages. ET's April Fool prank 'broke' the news that the Lahore-based Pakistan Fashion Design Council (PFDC) and the Karachi-based Fashion Pakistan (FP) - often roundly criticized for making their own daerrh eenth ki masjidein - were to merge, and carried fake quotes from prominent designers welcoming the move.

The joke that went over the fashionistas' head

Ms Sehyr Saigol, the chairperson of PFDC, Saad Ali, the CEO of PFDC and Amir Adnan, CEO of FP, then decided to fire off this letter published in ET today:

The letter reads:

"We, the Pakistan Fashion Design Council (PFDC), Fashion Pakistan (FP) and Libas International, are writing to you in complaint of the false story published in The Express Tribune’s Life & Style Pages dated April 1, 2011.

We take strong exception to the false, incorrect, baseless, inaccurate statements and information based on conjectures and surmises, supported by statements of renowned industry personalities, which have been reported as established facts without soliciting our, or indeed anyone’s, confirmation as to the authenticity or veracity of the contents published in the aforesaid story.

This story is misleading and, in fact, represents a complete falsification of material. It also used and distorts a logo (of Libas International) without the consent of the logo copyright holder (Sehyr Saigol), infringing copyright and intellectual property rights therein.

Further, the story published has portrayed us as non-law abiding citizens and has exposed us to the threat of possible legal action by falsely reporting that the PFDC and FP are merging.

Amir Adnan (CEO of FP), Sehyr Saigol (Chairperson of the PFDC), Kamiar Rokni (member of the executive committee of the PFDC) and Hassan Sheheryar Yasin (member of the executive committee of the PFDC) shall hold your newspaper liable for any consequential damage to their reputation, and would like to strongly establish herewith that any and all information attributed to their names within this piece is false and a misrepresentation of fact and of their nature.

It is disappointing that a well-reputed newspaper such as yours has overlooked ethics and relevant laws, especially those pertaining to libel, and has published this story. We demand that you tender an apology to all the parties misrepresented and misquoted herewith and publish the same, along with a retraction of all misinformation and misquotations.

Sehyr Saigol
PFDC chairperson (executive committee) and publisher, Libas International
Saad Ali
CEO PFDC,
Amir Adnan
CEO, FP"

You just can't make this shit up. Not only do the we-take-ourselves-so-seriously authors not exhibit the slightest clue that the piece in question was quite obviously a prank (if nothing else, the organogram that posited that the 'bad boy of fashion journalism' Mohsin Sayeed would be the new 'Chairperson for Life' in the new set-up might have provided a clue to anyone with half a brain), or show any circumspection about the date of publication, do not miss the self-righteous threats of legal action and claims of 'damage to their reputations'. After this patently idiotic letter, you may well wonder, what reputations? Certainly none involving a sense of humour it would be safe to say.

The self-righteous leading lights of fashion also obviously don't even regularly read anything beyond what is sent to them as a clipping. The very next day after the joke, i.e. on April 2, ET had in fact published this story clarifying things for the dimwitted. So, just to reiterate, the poor ET editor had to publish the following clarification once again in response to the letter:

Say it slowly, in bold type, they're not the sharpest scissors in the drawer

I can sympathise with ET completely on this one. Instead of tacking regrets on to that clarification, it must have taken a lot of restraint from the editor not to have said where he probably really wanted the fashionistas to put their letter. But I guess he didn't want to take on people who have single-handedly defeated the Taliban.

‘Cause Tramps Like Us, Baby We Were Lawned To (Get) Run (Over)

I would have written this in February but I’ve been stuck in traffic outside a lawn exhibition since.

If you live in the open in Karachi, and not under a rock, you cannot have missed the wave of lawn related advertising that has been crashing upon our shores for the last few weeks, leaving sensory carnage in its wake. 2011 has seen a record number of brands flood the market. Some 30-odd designers have lent their names to collections, and if you count the textile mills without big name designers attached and the imitation lawn print makers the number reportedly edges well over fifty.

They call me Jofa, say it like Sofa, you look tired hon, lean on my Ottoman.

Women are unislamic. Look instead at my jeweled balls floating heavenwards.

Because April 1st was already taken, fool!

I love the way those bubbles of lightness float across pastel space almost as randomly as the way I park.

I must buy this aqua ensemble because it looks ridiculously expensive and so did my husband.

Nishat Textiles' Pink Lawn: why men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses?

The trauma of a bad billboard or magazine shoot begins to seem like a pleasant memory, though, once the actual sale begins and you happen to be caught in the whirlpool outside. At such times, it becomes apparent why the sale is called an ‘exhibition’, consisting as it does of a shameless display of the worst attributes of most of the women who flock to them. Pushing, shoving, cattiness, oestrogen levels run so high that the hosts with the most have started arranging for Portaloo trucks to be parked outside so women can flee to the bathroom (in packs) and cry in each others arms at the way so and so kept them from buying the last print #666 K-21 Rs 2650.

Queue? Isn’t that a letter in the alphabet?

You’ve probably gathered by now that this is a rant about the willing vacuity and utter and complete lack of civic sense displayed by raving lawnatics rather than a critical analysis of the industry itself. That has already been attempted, in depth, by Karachi Feminist, in two posts about the exploitative working conditions of the women whose field work powers the business of what she dubs ‘blood cotton’. These include greater exposure to pesticide as the appetite for the fabric leads bosses to drive their crews harder, and the absence of any substantive wage increase, regulatory framework or protective rights umbrella for the vast majority of cotton pickers in Pakistan.

She makes a strong case for more ethical consumption and the reformation of labour laws. The benefits of the industry’s growth should, in theory, trickle down to the faceless pickers as well as the individual designers, fashion houses and textile behemoths who package the final product. As this industry continues to explode, each link in the chain from plant to pocket needs to figure out a way to satisfy its desire for dirty, pretty things without making innocent bystanders pay for it.

Pesticide in print? We’re SO ahead of that fashion curve…(Photo: SDPI)

But buying clothes, as some people will tell you, never killed anybody. How exactly is lawn singlehandedly responsible for the pitiful state of workers' lives? Should we also stop buying unbranded fabric, cushion covers, tablecloths, t-shirts, shifts from Sheep, pants from Ego and kurtis from Khaadi? Should we, like, not wear any clothes at all?

Please do. You must. We absolutely insist. Just make sure you’re ok with any hidden costs too.

And don’t act like this is what cars are for when you go to buy them (Photo: Ittehad Textile Mills)

In conclusion, I would like to remind you, in the words of lawn's latest self-appointed messiah, that it is not just a fabric…it’s a lifestyle. It’s a philosophy. It’s a religion. It’s a science. With rockets in it.

Or as his Press Release puts it:

"On the announcement of the launch of The World of HSY Prints, head designer and CEO of the HSY design house Hassan Sheheryar Yasin has said “The World of HSY’s first collection of prints introduced for S/S 2011 is a celebration of self expression, striking a balance between tradition and experimentation where our designs mirror the emotions, cultural heritage and characteristics of the modern Pakistani woman. Having successfully launched couture, resort and prêt lines over our decade long history in fashion, this year we are proud to extend our repertoire to our first ever luxury print collection”"

All of which is aptly communicated by a giant billboard of a man in a suit.

Come, my witless flock, let me fleece you.

Fashioning Moral Outrage

Oh wow. We've all become so used to the hyperbole of the Western and local language English press around Pakistan Fashion Weeks, that it is sometimes easy to forget how a significant section of society in Pakistan views them. And who better to represent that view than our intrepid Khalifa-ul-Waqt, Ansar Abbasi, who can and will hold forth on anything.

The guardian of Pakistan's values: Ansar Abbasi

Below is a translation of his Urdu op-ed piece published in today's Jang (thanks to @tazeen for drawing my attention to it). It is worth a read, not only because it provides a window to the mindset of Abbasi and possibly many, many others. But also because it draws attention, once again, to the linguistic divide that separates the English reading public and non-English reading public, a divide that is not only tolerated but pandered to. (It is extremely unlikely you would ever read anything like this article in the Jang group's English paper The News or any other English-language paper for that matter.) This article serves to remind you, if anything, that all those post-modernist assumptions about progress in how the role of women in society is discussed, are merely hollow assumptions. Or at least that all those debates have passed Abbasi by without disturbing even a hair in his beard.

I have also yet to understand the mindset of the Jang Group, which launches Amn Ki Asha with great fanfare on the one hand, and has no qualms on the other in making petty-minded jabs about Gandhi and India on Geo on the other (see their coverage of US President Obama's visit to Gandhi's samadi). It will willingly tone down the anti-West moral brigade in The News or on Geo, but allow them free rein in Jang. It will make Geo a media partner of the Fashion Week and provide it wide publicity and, at the same time, run such incendiary pieces about it in its publications (and make no mistake, this article is a call to disruptive action)... Do they really think this is what is meant by 'letting a thousand flowers bloom'?

In any case, here's the article in translation (and here I thought I'd leave the Fashion Week alone):

If Modesty Does Not Remain…

By Ansar Abbasi

"The racket of spreading obscenity and immodesty through fashion shows and catwalks that is fast gaining strength in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan in the name of “enlightened thought”, if immediate action is not taken to stop it, this fire of obscenity will soon engulf civilized households as well. We too will soon cross the extremes of uncivilized behavior and ignorance which have led to the destruction of moral values in Western societies, and where animalistic values have reached such heights that children often do not know their father’s name. Men and women prefer to live together without marriage, whereas the trend of men marrying men and women marrying women is gaining ground. Obscenity and vulgarity have lost their meaning altogether in these societies and have become part of their rituals and tradition which now have legal and moral sanction. For such uncivilized behaviour and ignorance to exist in an un-Islamic and heathen society is not surprising. But for such sort of trends to be nurtured in an Islamic society and in a country founded in the name of Islam is indeed worthy of giving pause for thought.

 

Hazrat Mohammad (PBUH) decreed that each religion has its own defining value and Islam’s defining value is modesty. In Surah-e-Nur and Surah-e-Ahzab, Allah instructs believers to guard their gaze and their reputations, while women believers have been told in clear terms what their dress code should be and in what state of dress they should leave their homes. In Surah-e-Ahzab, the lack of purdah has been likened to the time of Jahiliyya [ignorance] when women used to dress up and make up to go outside their homes. But it is the height of sadness, that despite Allah’s and his Prophet (PBUH)’s clear directions regarding modesty and the lack of purdah, in Karachi, the largest city of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, the first ten days of the sacred month of Zilhaj were chosen to celebrate a fashion week.

 

Much like the month of Ramzan is known as springtime for good deeds, so are the first ten days of Zilhaj also very important, compared to normal days, in accruing the blessings of piety. But we chose these days to spread obscenity and vulgarity in the name of fashion. This transformation of a time specially designated for the worship of Allah and doing good deeds, into a Fashion Week in the Islamic homeland of Pakistan, invited action neither from any government organization nor from any other responsible person. And that too, a Fashion Week that seemed like a competition about shedding clothes.

 

Seeing the highlights of this contest of immodesty and vulgarity on the television screen, I began to doubt my own Muslim-ness and the reason for the creation of Pakistan became blurred in my mind. The women that God had ordered to be in purdah while leaving their houses, could be seen participating half-nude in the fashion show. And those men who had been ordered to lower their gazes, were playing the role of spectators in these displays of immodesty. This show of immodesty was considered very successful and those participating in it expressed the hope that this vulgarity would continue and also that Pakistan can earn a lot of money from the success of the fashion industry. May God protect us from such success and such wealth. Amen.

 

The grief is not over how a small Westernized minority is out to destroy our religious and social values in this way. But the real sadness is over how, despite the clear instructions of Allah and His Prophet (PBUH), and despite the promise of the Constitution of Pakistan that an environment based on religious values and Islamic teachings will be created in Pakistan so that Muslims can live their lives according to the Quran and Sunnah, there is no one to stop those making fun of Islamic values. I don’t know who allowed such a fashion show to be held. This trend of fashion shows and catwalks began in Pakistan a few years ago and because of a lack of any controls, has gone, as in the West and India, towards obscenity.

 

Despite seeing this vulgarity on television screens, nobody condemned it and neither was there any protest. No ruler spoke about it and neither did any opposition leader. The Islamic [sic] parties and their leaders also remained silent, and parliament remained as insensate as the administration. If President Zardari and Prime Minister Gilani are unable to see all this, what reasons have compelled Mian Nawaz Sharif, Chaudhry Nisar Ali Khan, Imran Khan, Syed Munawwar Hassan and Maulana Fazlur Rehman to keep silent? Why is the higher judiciary not taking suo moto notice of this vulgarity? Why is Pakistan’s media unable to fathom this evil as evil? At least I don’t have the answers to these questions.

 

What I am really amazed at is that in a city such as Karachi, where most of the population is educated and politically aware, not even one person came on to the streets in peaceful protest against this vulgarity. If our politicians, parliament, government, judiciary, media and masses are so insensate, we will definitely touch the extremes of moral degeneration like the West. In any case, we don’t have anything left other than shame and modesty and moral and social values. These are the values that raise us above the West. If today we do not guard them and give ourselves to the wind to take us wherever it chooses, we will be completely destroyed.

 

The current silence and insensitivity is very painful. I wish that we would realize that if today we remain silent about this obscenity and vulgarity because the girls and women performing in fashion shows and abhorrent TV commercials are not our own daughters, then remember that tomorrow, the place of these girls and women could be taken by the daughter, sister, wife or mother of one of today’s spectators or other members of an insensate society and its responsible people. And they will be doing the catwalk half-naked in front of thousands of people."

Don't forget to send Jang and Abbasi some words of appreciation for safeguarding our values.

Fashion Statements

Oh shoot. Here we go again with fashion weeks and Pakistan. Can we do anything in Pakistan without it being linked in some way to either appeasing the Taliban or kicking sand in their faces?

Assaulting the Taliban, yet again

I refer of course to the latest "I-spit-on-the-runway-the-Taliban-sashay-down" type of pieces in the American Christian Science Monitor (titled predictably "Lahore Fashion Week Takes on Talibanization in Pakistan") and in Britain's The Times about the just concluded Lahore Fashion Week. The latter may be headlined a bit more soberly ("Pakistan Fashion Week Pushes Back Boundaries") but the prose is nothing less than a deep shade of purple.

For example, here are the opening lines:

"A call to prayer echoed over the red carpet. The celebrity guests and socialites of Lahore lifted their diamante stilettos through the scarlet pile, careful not to trip as they showed lipsticked smiles – and bare shoulders – to the flashing camera bulbs."

Just in case you forgot what The Times was aiming to get at, you understand. Gasp! Muslims. Fashion. Shock. Bare shoulders. Horror. But far be it from The Times to simply imply something when they can get their facts utterly wrong in black and white:

"Pakistan’s first Government-endorsed fashion week finished yesterday. There is hope that with it will disappear decades of the government repression that had previously forced the scene underground."

Underground scene? Hellooooo! We just had another fashion week in Karachi, not three months ago! Kind of missed the bus on the "underground scene", by like, two decades, don't you think? I think The Times has kind of got Generals Ziaul Haq and Musharraf confused... which would be fair enough in some respects but certainly not this. Just to put the record straight, do recall that fashion shows (which existed before and even during Zia's regime) were being sponsored by Benazir's government in the early '90s and even taken abroad as part of her foreign delegations. And what was the Mush reign, if not about state-sponsored fashion?

General Musharraf walks the ramp in his Amir Adnan sherwani

Here's some more editorial pronouncements by writer Mary Bowers:

"A triumph for young liberals, the event was also a red rag to those who protect conservative Islamic values with an iron fist. Inter Services Intelligence and the bomb squad were standing by to keep out haute couture’s uninvited guests."

Eh? Ever been to a party in Pakistan, Ms. Bowers? Or Nargis' dance-theatre? Or to see a Pushto film? Ever picked up a copy of GT? Mostly, if the ISI is there, it's to enjoy itself.

ISI Chic?

Ms. Bowers also, incredibly, inserts the following bit in her tribute to the changing Pakistan:

"...even Pakistani TV crews happily meet gleaming and unveiled faces."

Whoa! Since when did TV crews (TV crews, for God's sake!) EVER refuse to meet "gleaming and unveiled faces"? I mean, have you even seen Pakistani channels, Ms. Bowers? And no, Haq TV does not count. We don't even know if it's a Pakistani channel, since we can't see their faces.


But how can one blame just Mary Bowers and The Times, when she has such a treasure-trove of our own people to apparently provide whacked out quotes. (I add the word 'apparently' here only because with a reporter with such a penchant for checking her facts, who can trust her memory or jotting skills?) For instance, here's "freelance fashion writer" Aamna Isani leading her up the garden path:

“We have seen the fashion world in Pakistan evolve in recent years,” said Aamna Isani, a freelance fashion writer. “Ten years ago we weren’t allowed to say the word 'fashion’. We had to go for a ‘cultural event’ with clothes.”

Ten years ago was the year 2000. You weren't allowed to use the word 'fashion' Ms Isani??? Which paper were you freelancing for exactly? Takbeer?

For Roundups on "Cultural Events With Clothes"

Here's Ms. Isani again talking about the elitism of Pakistan's fashion shows:

“I think we’ll really evolve when we have women on the catwalk with purdah too,” she says. “It’s an irony that we’re OK with navels and arms now, but not with the veil. 80 per cent of women in Pakistan wear the veil and many want to. They’d want to even if they had the option. They are pushing us away and we are pushing them away.”

Leave aside the fact that Ms Isani seems to be confused about the whole concept of the purdah / veil - yeah, women who do purdah are just itching to parade themselves on ramps, aren't they? - but where exactly has she got the "80 percent" figure from??? One can sympathise with Ms Isani's idea of inclusive liberalism, but I am more and more inclined to believe that she has spent most of her life inside the Takbeer offices.


Then you have Instep's editor making one of her usual cryptic comments:

“Now that women work like men they must dress like men,” said Muniba Kamal, fashion editor at the national daily The News. “I wouldn’t go burning our bras though. We need those.”

Don't burn that bra, baby

Burning bras? Didn't that kind of go out of fashion in the '70s? "We need those": What does this even mean? That Pakistani women are all well-endowed?


Of course, nothing would have come together for Ms. Bowers without this bit of sensationalism:

  

"“Half an hour before the show we were getting death threats and phone calls and all kind of blackmail,” says a model, Meesha Shafi, 28. “They had our names. It’s very scary." 

Er, yes, Meesha, who could possibly know your name or that of the other models? I mean, it's not like you guys are on the pages of Sunday every week, or on the cover of fashion magazines and billboards, in newspapers or acting in tv dramas and giving interviews on television, right? Or in a sleeveless tank-top on your band's website, right? But what I want to know is, what kind of blackmail was this really about? I have visions of someone threatening you, "if you don't walk the ramp for Umar Sayeed, we'll make sure you are forced to walk for Hourain!" Now that would be scary.

Loudest is not always smartest

Remember folks, at the end of the day, it's just clothes. The Taliban wear clothes too. And more of them. Let's keep things in perspective.

Fashionistas Get In The Last Word, And It's Oops!

So I'd hoped someone else on this blog would write a word or two about the Fashion Pakistan Week (FPW) which took place recently in Karachi. It had left me utterly conflicted between satisfaction that high profile events were continuing to take place in gloomy and precarious times, sympathy for the organizers who obviously were labouring in the face of dire security circumstances and global perceptions, and irritation at the over-the-top hype built around the event as the definitive answer to the Taliban on the other.

The Taliban must be cowering in their caves (Source: Outlook India)

As Faiza S. Khan wrote here:

"It was with some bewilderment that one read in the papers the next day of the display of a bare back and some thigh hailed as “snubbing the Taliban”, regardless of the fact that it was done in a private, carefully contained environment filled with people who were not remotely like the Taliban, i.e. socialites, designers, buyers and the inevitable twerp in gigantic sunglasses in the dead of night. There was the de rigueur cliché of how daring it was to see skimpily dressed models in a society where women generally cover up, entirely omitting to mention that distinctions exist between those people who cover up and those who don’t, and fashion models fall quite clearly into the latter category. One scribe wrote of how heroic it was to show exposed navels while war is simultaneously waged in Waziristan, as if these two are somehow connected, as if, perhaps, the navels were being bared in Waziristan or that the war would be won should the military choose to spend its budget on tank-tops rather than tanks."

Generally, however, all agreed that the fault lay with the gora war correspondents who had been drafted in to cover the absence of "real fashion journalists" who had pulled out of the event fearing their Pradas would be blown to smithereens in Pakistan. Obviously, the reasoning went, these guys could only see things in light of their own single-issue reason for existence in Pakistan - the war against militancy. So what is to make of this piece in India's Outlook magazine by Ayesha Tammy Haq, the CEO of Pakistan Fashion Week?

You can go and read the full article (bizarrely titled: Nargis...Let There Be Light), but the operative parts I shall reproduce below:

"To tell the truth, though, the Fashion Pakistan Week was not staged as a conscious act of defiance against any group, extremist or otherwise. Yet, showcasing the first-time event in these troubled times was truly an act of defiance. It was an act of defiance by an industry which, through Fashion Pakistan Week, was sending a message loud and clear—we will continue to work, generate jobs, provide livelihood. This is a message both pertinent and comforting in today’s Pakistan, considering our army is engaged in a war against an ideological enemy so that we can live and work with safety, in peace.

.

"Fashion week is really a trade show—no doubt, it’s glamorous but it isn’t entertainment. To become a serious business, it needs to be taken seriously. We articulated how Fashion Pakistan Week was all about the business of fashion, about jobs, exports, about earning foreign exchange and building a better Pakistan. An industry like any other, albeit with a higher glamour quotient.

.

"Security in Pakistan is an everyday concern, but naturally it’s more so with an event like the fashion week, high-profile as it is. Precautions were taken to mitigate risks. We kept the venue a secret and did things like printing different coloured cards for each day. But then the army general headquarters in Islamabad was attacked, making not only our international guests anxious, but leaving even those at home numbed with nervousness. We postponed the event from October 15 to November 4, and shifted our exhibition space. Karachi, our venue, was put on high alert. The security situation didn’t improve—but our morale did. Instead of postponing the event again, we decided that the way forward was to hold Fashion Pakistan Week. We advised all our international guests against gracing the event. We were more than compensated—instead of the editors of Vogue Italia, Vanity Fair and Velvet Magazine, newsrooms worldwide pulled their war correspondents out of Afghanistan and northern Pakistan and sent them to Karachi to cover the event.

.

"And as the curtain fell on the event, the night of November 7 became an emotional one for me for another reason—before the packed hall, Faiza Samee asked me to be her showstopper. Since this was a first for me, I was extremely nervous. But the audience was amazing; I loved it. I made my transition from corporate lawyer to fashionista the moment I stepped on to the ramp." 

So, basically, what we learn from Ms. Haq is the following:

1. It was FPW that told the international guests not to come (sorry, "grace the event"); otherwise they were of course almost buckled into their seats on the flights here.

2. Having war correspondents cover the FPW was a GOOD thing, since those connected with international fashion might have focused on inconsequential things like enhancing "jobs, exports and earning foreign exchange."

3. The gora war correspondents were not just coming up with the 'defying-the-Taliban' line all on their own; FPW worked hard to get the message across, as evidenced by this article.

4. Ms. Haq herself was brave not just once but TWICE. Not only did she defy the Taliban, she also overcame her own insecurities and viewers' expectations by walking the ramp.

Sometimes, you know, it's better to leave certain myths unexposed.

Blocking Corruption at the Seams

This was crying out to be taken notice of. According to a news item in The News, Nepal's authorities have come up with an innovative way of curbing corruption by airport officials. Here's what it said:

Nepal airport workers to wear pocket-less pants

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

KATHMANDU: Nepal’s anti-corruption authority has come up with a novel solution to rampant bribe-taking at the country’s only international airport: the pocketless trouser.

The authority said it was issuing the new, bribe-proof garment to all airport officials after uncovering widespread corruption at Kathmandu’s Tribhuvan International Airport.

“We sent a team to observe the growing complaints about the behaviour of airport authorities and workers towards travellers and we discovered that the reports were true,” said Ishwori Prasad Paudyal, spokesman for the Commission for the Investigation of Abuse of Authority (CIAA).

“So we decided that airport officials should be given trousers with no pockets. We have directed the ministry of civil aviation to implement our order as soon as possible,” he told AFP.” We believe this will help curb the irregularities.”

Paudyal said CIAA investigators had observed theft as well as bribe-taking by airport officials, who would lose their jobs if the situation did not improve.

His comments came a day after Nepal’s new Prime Minister Madhav Mumar Nepal expressed fears that corruption was tarnishing the airport’s reputation.

Nepal’s tourism industry employs around 300,000 people in one of the world’s poorest countries. The landlocked Himalayan nation attracted a record 550,000 foreign visitors in 2008, two years after a peace deal that ended the decade-long Maoist insurgency. It has set an ambitious goal of attracting one million tourists a year by 2011.

I think Pakistani authorities should also take a leaf out of Nepal's book and institute these trousers not just at airports but in all bureaucracy and particularly the police. Of course, I have a few suggstions of my own for further streamlining:

Make the trousers zipless as well: Not only would this prevent our much more resourceful bribe-takers from stuffing notes inside, it will have the added benefit of making their wearers much more jumpy about getting to the toilet to relieve themselves, leading to greater efficiency. No more long waits while the guy at the counter chats away.

Tank tops on top of pocketless / zipless trousers for all field officials: It may cause some visual discomfort for ordinary citizens in the short term, but the embarrassment of plainly visible pot-bellies will surely lead their wearers to do something about them. (I was going to suggest transparent shirts - adding a whole new dimension to Transparency International - but I think that it would be too much to take for our long-suffering countrymen and women.)

Full-body x-rays at the end of the shift, using the Green Channel scanner: for the even more industrious of our people.

Provision of tea and water at stands near any officials: So the usual line about needing money for "chai pani" can become ineffective.

That's all I can think of right now. Any more?

From the Sublime to the Ridiculous

In the middle of the frenzy about the army operation in Swat / Buner / Dir, the news of kidnappings and recovery of scores of cadets, the apparent killing of thousands of militants and military personnel, and the disaster of the millions displaced from their homes and living in dire conditions, it's good to see some people are able to keep a sense of humour about things.

First it was the Minister for Sports of the North-West Frontier, who announced the holding of a sports festival in the IDP camps in Mardan, "to provide the refugees sports facilities." He obviously correctly surmised that the importance of adequate shelter, food rations, toilet facilities and electricity was being given undue importance by those actually working with the displaced, though he thought better of his initial idea of introducing lawn tennis as part of the sports festival.

Now we have an enterprising soul called Meher Tareen, who has announced the launch on June 7 of her summer collection of "limited edition" tee shirts, under the banner of Sublime.T, to support the fashionable war effort. In her own words (posted on facebook), she says:

"These slogan tshirts represent the Sublime patriotic and eco friendly theme of going green while showcasing uplifting messages in these troubled times to build patriotism and the general Pakistani spirit, fashionably.

Most importantly this new label marks Sublime’s support for the umbrella organisation Hum Pakistan and its Green Ribbon campaign. Hum Pakistan unites 20 Ngo’s with the common purpose of supporting Pakistan and is also currently dedicated to the repatriation of internally displaced citizens of the country."

What can one say about such patriotism that is not only sublime but also eco-friendly AND is dedicated to repatriation. I can almost see the army of volunteers dressed in Sublime tees, pushing the great unwashed in Mardan back to their homes. Could one ask for anything more?

"Sublime will be distributing green ribbons in support of this campaign and will also be channeling part of their sales proceeds to Hum Pakistan."

Oh my God! Will Ms. Tareen's generosity, patriotism and eco-friendliness never end? Not only do we get green ribbons (also limited edition and biodegradable, no doubt) for free, we get cotton t-shirts for, well, I assume less than a meal at Jason's Steak House in the PC. And although, she doesn't quite spell out what "part of their sales proceeds" mean, I am sure it is not less than 50 per cent of the tag price... 25 per cent?... well, at least 10 percent certainly.

But wait, there's more pep talk to get the nation into a fashionable frenzy:

"Please join Sublime-T this Sunday and be a part of this drive toward patriotism, unity and change."

Ok, so she threw in the 'change' bit just for kicks, since a "drive toward patriotism and unity" are usually antithetical to any kind of change. But what the hell. I'm not gonna let semantics come in the way of me and the Sublime Flagship Store on M.M. Alam Road! 

Ms. Tareen then lists all the "slogans" her sublime t-shirts will be carrying. While I find them entirely commendable, patriotic, uplifting and eco-friendly, I thought they could do with some little tweaks and additions. I have added my tweaks as comments to the original slogans. Let me know what you think or if you have other ideas. After all, anything for Pakistan!

Slogans:

1. My heart belongs to Pakistan

[The back should read: "My brain was repossessed long ago"]

2. J'adore Lahore

[Small print beneath that could read: "We Lahoris love French Fries Too." Or "The Heart Symbol Was Already Taken By Some Sod In Karachi." Or "Je déteste Faisalabad." Ms. Tareen should be careful about promoting this T-shirt in Mardan and Swabi though, since it might send the wrong message to the IDPs. In which case, it might be better to put another line on the back that says "So Keep the Displaced Out of the Punjab."

3. I believe in miracles

[Back: "I believe the Taliban will soon disappear" Or "My immigration is in process"]

4. The sun always shines on me

[Below: And out of my ...]

5. Yummy Mummy

[Below: "Only I Know What's Under My Hijab"]

6. I don't need to be rescued, you do!

[Alternative version: "I don't need to be repatriated, you do!"]

7. Addicted to tea

[Back: "The rest we don't talk about"]

8. Love is blind...marriage is a real eye opener!

[Small print on front under 'Love is blind': "I love Pakistan"; Small print on back under 'marriage is a real eye opener': "I'm married to notions of Muslim glory" 

9. Life is complicated enough,I like simple things

[Back: "Kill, kill, kill"]

10. Got it all!

[Back: "Including a green ribbon"]

11.Diva Pakistani

[Back: "And you thought Talibs were the worst thing about Pakistan"]

12. Pakistani Royal Tee

[Back: "With A Uniquely Pakistani Sense of Fashion"]

13.Made in Fabulous Pakistan

[Back: "Exported to Toronto"]

14.Viva La Pakistan

[Smart thinking. This'll come in handy as an exile in France or Spain. Alternative Version (to cover all bases) with Full Sleeves: "Viva La Islamic Republic"]

15. Be yourself. Who else is better qualified

[Back: "Except If You're Part of Lahore's Elite or Pakistan's Patriotic Fashionistas, It May Be Better To Be Someone Else"]