Super Bull Gives You Wings (Updated)

First things first: apologies to all for the disappearing act. (For those who actually noticed, a silent note of appreciation.) Had been away for a rather long stretch of time and while I was able to follow developments back home in an irregular fashion, simply did not have the time or access to all the information to put a post up (the perils of work work). And much has happened in the media while I have been away, which I hope to get round to in a one-by-one fashion. In particular, there are some interesting developments brewing on the electronic media front.

However, I first want to take up the issue which apparently threatens the very survival of humanity itself. Yes, I am referring to the shut down of Geo's sports channel Geo Super and it's music and entertainment channel Aag. To hear Geo talk about it, it is nothing less than the rule of tyranny, the deprivation of Pakistanis of all that is good and worth living for, and the wiping out from people's lives of all information, healthy physical activity and freedom of expression. They now have a 'count-up' on Geo News, ala the 2007 'Emergency', of the exact number of days, hours, minutes and seconds that Pakistanis have been flung into darkness, and even have begun a campaign to get the citizens of Pakistan to grant them a "public license" to resume broadcast (whatever that may be). Geo Super and Aag logos with a cross across them are now regular fixtures on their other two channels (Geo News and Geo Entertainment) and a sidebar regularly updates with the latest maulvi, sportsman, politician, actor, singer or other celebrity to condemn the snatching away of the people's rights.

But before this came to pass the Jang Group (which owns Geo) also used its newspapers - the widely read Jang and the not-so-widely-read The News - to try and browbeat the authorities by running regular front-page stories about the malafide intentions of the government and the Pakistan Electronic Media Regulatory Authority (PEMRA). On the day - April 7 - that Dawn's lead story was about a US Congressional report severely critical of Pakistan and the Express Tribune's and Pakistan Today's lead stories were about the removal from his ministership of Sindh Home Minister Zulfiqar Mirza (the PPP apparently giving in to its ally the MQM's demands), Jang and The News' main leads were about the government having shut Geo Super down. So much for unbiased handling of news priorities. This was, of course, in addition to the wall-to-wall coverage that Geo News had begun to provide on the 'event' from a day before, with the news taking pride of place as the top news headline.

Messages of condemnation have come pouring in from as far afield as Reporters Without Borders and as close to home as the Pakistan Federal Union of Journalists - which bizarrely dubbed the issue one of "human rights" - even as the Jang Group has tried to paint the issue as one of governmental victimization. To make matters worse, PEMRA has until yesterday (when it finally placed ads in some papers) been unable to present a clear defence of its actions or explain the exact realities from its point of view.

 The PEMRA ad in Express Tribune and other papers on April 11

There is so much rhetorical chaff involved from both sides that it is important to separate out the facts of the case, which I will attempt to do here.

Let us first examine the claims of Geo itself. The Jang Group claims (if one goes by the news stories on its news channel and print publications) that Geo Super and Aag have been shut down because:

1) It was promoting sports and healthy entertainment in Pakistan
2) It was doing so selflessly with no thought to losses incurred
3) The government wants to hit the Jang Group financially because of its relentless criticism of the government

In addition, the Jang Group claims:

4) Geo Super was/is Pakistan's first and only sports channel
5) Aag was shut down as an act of further vengeance on the part of the government
6) Pakistani's have been deprived of sports, sports news and healthy entertainment because of these shut-downs

Let us first look at the latter claims (4-6).

With respect to 4):

The claim that Geo Super was/is Pakistan's first and only sports channel is technically patently false. It is registered in Dubai and is as Pakistani under that criteria as e.g. Ten Sports or Star Sports or Star ESPN, all of which broadcast also to Pakistan under legally obtained "landing rights" or permission to distribute. In fact, it is because Geo Super is registered as a foreign channel that it obtained local landing rights for distribution within Pakistan when it began broadcasting. The reason it is registered in Dubai could well be in order to prevent Pakistani authorities from having a look at its revenues and to avoid tax/ license fee obligations here, though there is another reason which I will just come to. Yes, it does employ more Pakistanis than the other channels and has covered Pakistani domestic sports more than the other sports channels but nothing more than that. It has no local license.

Furthermore, under PEMRA's current rules to prevent monopolies (Clause 13, PEMRA Rules 2009), no corporate entity can hold more than four channel licenses. The Jang Group already has four channel licenses - for Geo News, Geo Entertainment, Aag and Geo English (which was never launched). Unless those rules are changed, the Jang Group must give up one of their licenses to apply for one for Geo Super, which it apparently seems unwilling to do. Also under PEMRA rules, any local licensee for a satellite channel must declare its revenues and give a percentage of them to PEMRA as annual license fees. In the case of a sports channel such as Geo Super the annual fee would come to Rs. 700,000/- + 7.5% of the annual gross advertisement revenue as per audited accounts. (See Schedule A, Table-1). (As an aside, let me just also point out that from my understanding, PEMRA has no system in place to verify if the revenue claims of any channel are actually correct or not, or to challenge an audit. It simply takes the channel's word on this, which given the way most businesses operate in Pakistan and advertising receipts and expenses are juggled, almost surely means that revenues are under-reported in all cases.)

Incidentally, Geo Super had been in default of even the landing rights fees (Rs. 300,000 + 5% of gross advertising revenues as per audited accounts) for the past four years, a matter which may have been sorted out after the intervention of the courts prior to the ICC Cricket World Cup (CWC), when Geo asked the courts to stop PEMRA from taking it off air during the CWC even though its 5-year license was expiring. I will deal with this further on in this post.


With respect to 5):

According to PEMRA, Aag was ordered shut down because after the stoppage of Geo Super broadcasts (we will come to this too), the Jang Group began to show the Indian Premier League cricket fixtures on Aag, which was a violation of its licensing terms. Aag TV has a license for entertainment programming, not sports. Under the licensing rules, no channel can switch its programming genre without a fresh application for a new license. The Jang Group had also violated this provision during the CWC by showing cricket matches on Aag, for which it had already been issued show-cause notices. However, partly out of deference to the Supreme Court's orders allowing the CWC to proceed without hindrance and partly out of the fear of a public backlash, PEMRA had not taken any drastic action in the matter then. In effect, however, Aag had violated the PEMRA Ordinance of 2002.


With respect to 6):

This claim is also demonstrably false since neither has sports news been affected on news channels, nor has sporting or entertainment activity come to a halt because of a sports channel shutting down and Aag being taken off air. In addition, there are still other sports channels and entertainment and music channels being broadcast.

Now let's come to the Jang Group's claims 1)-3) about why Geo Super has shut down. First of all, no sane individual would be willing to accept claim 1), that the government's reasons for stopping Geo Super were because of its antipathy for either sports or entertainment activities. That the Jang Group would even make such a claim says more about its idea of the intelligence and gullibility of its viewers / readers than anything else.

As for claim 2), no one who has endured the infuriating barrage of advertising on Geo Super during a cricket match (a minimum of three ads between each over, more during fall of wickets) could possibly ever believe that the Jang Group's motivations for running a sports channel were selfless. Indeed, nobody could ever believe that any commercial broadcaster would be in the business to only serve viewers interests and not to make money. Let's not be absurd. Yes, Geo Super would not have made the killing it makes broadcasting cricket in other sports, but its revenues from cricket broadcasts (which form the majority of its programming in any case) easily outweigh the costs of non-cricket broadcasts. Despite the hefty price of obtaining exclusive rights for the CWC for example, Geo Super was in the game because it made money not because it lost money. Keep in mind also that the way the Jang Group (and other media houses with multiple channels and publications) marketing operates, advertisers often are lured with bundled packages of advertising across all their channels and publications, which also subsidizes programming with lesser viewership. If the Jang Group really wants to insist on its loss-making claims, perhaps it should be asked to open its Dubai-based account books for public scrutiny. Somehow I don't think this will ever come to pass.

We can thus safely dismiss the Jang Group's claims 1), 2), 4), 5) and 6) as being patently false. The only claim that may have merit is claim 3), i.e. that PEMRA's actions constitute an attempt by the government to hit the Jang Group financially for its hard line against the government. In fact, this is almost surely true. But before we come to this, one final critical point needs to be cleared up:

Has the government through PEMRA actually shut Geo Super down?

Screen shot of Geo Super channel on cable

Almost everyone would have seen this image where Geo Super used to be. Does this mean PEMRA has pulled Geo Super off air? That's what the Jang Group would have you believe. But think about something: if the channel were actually blocked, why would you be able to see this image? Remember when Geo and other news channels were pulled off air during the 2007 'Emergency'? The screens actually went blank. In fact, what this constant image indicates is that Geo Super is still broadcasting and being distributed on cable and satellite dishes. It is just that the channel itself is not running any programming.

Now let me share with you what has actually happened, which Geo will never tell you and which PEMRA is too idiotic to explain properly. Basically, in contravention of its status as a foreign channel with landing rights in Pakistan, Geo Super had been secretively uplinking from Pakistan. Under the law, Geo Super could only regularly uplink to satellite from abroad (Dubai or wherever it chose). When this uplink facility violation was discovered, PEMRA basically shut that operation down. This does not mean that Geo Super cannot broadcast its programmes by uplinking from abroad, as it was supposed to be doing in the first place. PEMRA has pointed out in its ad yesterday that Geo Super still has landing rights and is free to distribute its programmes via cable. In effect, therefore it is Geo Super that has shut itself off.

This is also why Geo Super had scrambled to apply for a "temporary uplinking license" from PEMRA on April 4, a facility that is allowed under the rules for specific events such as a major sporting competition taking place within the country. PEMRA, in perfectly legally defensible fashion, asked Geo Super to specify the event it wanted to cover. Since Geo Super could not name any, PEMRA was within its rights to refuse, which they apparently have still not technically done. The Jang Group's claims of unfair victimization, at least on the basis of this alleged refusal, are merely attempts at a smokescreen.

It is also important to recall exactly what happened during the court case that the Jang Group brought against PEMRA before the CWC since Geo has claimed on numerous occasions that PEMRA and the government are in violation of the court's orders. Basically, just before the CWC, PEMRA had reminded Geo Super that its landing rights permission for 5 years was about to expire at the end of February and that it had not, as per PEMRA Rules, reapplied for permissions six months earlier. This would have meant that Geo Super would have had to go off air within Pakistan during the CWC. It approached the courts and pleaded with them for a stay on PEMRA taking any action against it as well as to ensure that PEMRA forbade cable operators from running any channel showing the CWC that did not have the rights to show the matches in Pakistan.

This is how the official wire agency APP reported  the conclusion of the case (read in particular the bold bits):

"ISLAMABAD, Feb 1 (APP): Islamabad High Court (IHC) on Tuesday disposed of Geo Super landing rights case on the assurance of counsel of the petitioner and the respondent to resolve the issue with mutual consent within a week. A single member bench comprising Justice Tariq Anwar Kasi resumed hearing regarding the landing rights case of Geo Super.

Counsel for Geo Super Akram Sheikh apprised the court that Pakistan Electronic Media Regulatory Authority (PEMRA) is not implementing the Supreme Court orders in letter and spirit. He contended that in case of landing rights expired on February 28 Geo Super would not be able to telecast ICC cricket World Cup matches to be played after that date. Afnan Karim Kundi, counsel for PTV apprised the court that the petitioner did not present the law and rules of landing rights in front of the Court. He said that the PEMRA ordinance was promulgated in 2002 and that nobody was being victimized.

Shahid Mehmood Khokhar, another counsel for PTV, informed the court that GEO is warying [sic] to overcome its losses through the courts.

Salman Akram Raja, Counsel for PEMRA, told the court that the authority was not going to “off air” Geo Super transmission despite that they are defaulter of PEMRA for the last four years. He said,”We are implementing the court orders and PEMRA has circulated a copy of court orders on landing rights to all cable operators in this regard.”

Later when counsel of Geo Super Tariq Hassan prayed the court for more relief, the learned Justice remarked, “If you are not satisfied then the court will decide the case on the merit.” However, the counsel for Geo said that his client was ready to sort out matters with PEMRA within one week.

Both the counsel of the petitioner and respondents prayed the court that they would solve the matter with mutual consent within one week so kindly dispose of the case.

After hearing the arguments, the court disposed of the case by passing following orders: “The counsel for PEMRA informed the court that they do not intend to off air the transmission of petitioner channel in connection with PEMRA press release of January 28 providing base for filing the petition.”

“The above undertaking that they would settle issue of annual fee payment within one week time, learned counsel placed on record a letter where by the orders of Supreme Court has been acted upon and a copy has been circulated to all cable operators, since the grievances are no more now, therefore, counsel for the petitioner wants withdrawal of the petition , the case is disposed off.”"

So basically, Geo itself had its case disposed of and there is no longer a case of any violation of the court's orders.

Given all these lies, half-truths and fabrications on the part of Geo, why do I then still say that the Jang Group is almost surely also being victimized by the government? Simply because PEMRA's hands are not clean either. Although PEMRA has responded angrily to the Jang Group's claims involving one of its former officers (who alleged to The News that he was issued verbal instructions to cause problems for Geo Super), even leaving the veracity of this particular incident aside, there is little doubt - from background and off-the-record interviews - that PEMRA did undertake a policy of using cable operators to make things difficult for Geo. This involved cable operators arbitrarily switching Geo Super's position in their channel bouquets and degrading its signals. It all culminated in the so-called strike by cable operators during the CWC, ostensibly against PEMRA's high-handedness but which actually targeted Geo Super in particular by leaving the field open only for Pakistan Television to show that day's match. This of course impacted Geo Super's advertising revenues significantly at least on that day. It may all be legally difficult to prove but the thinking behind it was the same that General Musharraf employed after his Emergency regulations failed to curb the hostility of private news channels like Geo. And this thinking is to hit them where it really hurts: in the pocket.

In addition, one has only to look at PEMRA's past record of taking to task other violations of its Rules. As the large number of illegal cable channels showing pirated films all over Pakistan with immunity - in total violation of the PEMRA Ordinance - demonstrates, there are violations, and then there are violations. Had the Jang Group not been on a warpath against the government, it is more than likely that PEMRA would have taken a lenient view of the group's violations, as it has done with many before.

Where the Jang Group's stupidity lies is that it has allowed PEMRA and the government a handy legal excuse to go after it. Already PEMRA is threatening to go to court in response to the fabrication of allegations against it and to pray for Geo Super to be permanently blacklisted for its violations. If you must take on the government politically, it usually is a good idea to keep your nose clean in other ways. But then, the Jang Group has hardly been known to pay all its taxes and has never shied away from using media clout to get what it wants, whether justified or not. Recall that the Jang Group is also alleged to be a defaulter of over 90 crores in back-taxes over many years, a case that continues to remain pending and is dredged up only when the government wants to exert pressure on the group. If only the average taxpayer had that kind of luxury.

What this brouhaha also shows is how neither the government nor the media hold the moral high ground in Pakistan. It's a sordid, sordid business in which lies and damned lies are the norm and the poor unsuspecting public are merely emotional pawns one way or the other. Once a compromise is reached - and it will be one way or another since the stakes are too high for both parties to take it over the edge - the public who think they are bringing about popular change by affixing their names to silly petitions, will be left by the wayside.


: : : UPDATES : : :

Update I (12 April 2011):

Trust politicians to jump into the fray with loud rhetoric but little in the way of information or understanding of the issues. This was the main story in The News today, which I saw only after I had posted the above piece.

We have also been made aware that PEMRA has today issued "show cause notices" to both Geo Super and Geo News. Geo Super has been issued the notice for "illegally blocking transmission without any cogent or lawful reason in violation of Section 28 of the PEMRA Act 2007" (Amended PEMRA Ordinance 2002). The following is Section 28 of the Act:

"28. Suspension of broadcast media or distribution service.- A broadcast media or distribution service operator shall not cease or suspend broadcasting except on account of force majeure or with the prior approval of the Authority."

Geo News has been issued a notice "under Section 20 for propagating false and baseless news maligning PEMRA and deceiving the public." Section 20 of the PEMRA Act 2007 deals basically with the 'Terms and Conditions of the License' and its clause (d) specifies that licensee must "comply with the rules made under this ordinance." Section 1-(d) in the Schedule-A of the PEMRA Rules states that "No programme shall be aired which..."

"(d) contains anything defamatory or knowingly false;"

Finally, our friend @mirza9 has also pointed out that the satellite licenses Geo News and Geo Entertainment are registered under the name of Independent Media Corporation (Pvt) Ltd. while the licenses for Aag and Geo English are registered under the name of Independent Newspapers Corporation (Pvt) Ltd. which may mean that both separately registered companies could yet claim a further two licenses under the law to prevent monopolies (see main post). However, while we are not aware of their directors / CEOs / ownership details, both companies are registered at the same address and share the same telephone and fax numbers.

 Screen shot of PEMRA licensee list courtesy @mirza9

We have asked PEMRA for clarification on this issue - whether two companies that ostensibly share ownership can be issued licenses as separate entities, and are waiting to hear back from them.

The Curious Case of the 'Concocted' Confession

Imagine my surprise when Monday night I saw a news item on Geo which began with the anchors heaping scorn on the Indian media for following in the footsteps of the English media in trying to 'unfairly attack' Pakistani cricketers. According to Geo, Indian media had "fabricated" a new story about Pakistan cricket and was now claiming that Mohammad Amir, Pakistan's teenage fast-bowling sensation implicated in the recent spot-fixing scandal and subsequently suspended by the International Cricket Council (ICC) pending investigations, had accepted his involvement in the scandal and blamed former captain Salman Butt (also suspended) for leading him astray. The Geo report questioned the credibility of the "Indian media" report that Amir might, in fact, turn approver against Butt by showing footage of Amir moving around with Butt after his return to Pakistan and commented that the footage of their chumminess contradicted the claims by the Indian media.

Here's the story as it appeared in the evening's 9 o' clock news. Watch from 05:42.





So why was I surprised? Because I had read the news item the Geo report was snarkily referring to and condemning, and it was no Indian media where I had read it. In fact, it was an exclusive report on Sunday in Geo's sister Jang Group concern, The News. This is what The News' credible sports reporter Khalid Hussain had published a day earlier:

"Just a couple of days after ‘spot-fixing’ allegations were levelled at him and two other Pakistan players, a teary-eyed Mohammad Amir went to the team management and spilled the beans on Salman Butt — Pakistan’s Test captain. Sources told ‘The News’ on Saturday that the 18-year-old fast bowler told team manager Yawar Saeed and Shahid Afridi, Pakistan’s one-day captain, that he was innocent and just got involved in the scandal because of Salman Butt.

According to the sources, some of Pakistan’s senior players saw Amir meeting with Afridi. The allrounder later took the youngster to Yawar Saeed and three discussed the issue for some time at the team hotel. “Amir told the team management that he wasn’t aware of the gravity of the situation and also claimed that he just followed Butt’s instructions,” said a well-placed source.

…

Sources said that Amir told Afridi and Yawar that he didn’t even know Mazhar Majeed and was introduced to him by Salman Butt. “Amir told Afridi as well as the team manager that he was completely unaware of what was going on. He asked them to help him get out of the mess,” said the source."

Why on earth would Geo pretend it was an Indian media report? And why would they attack and undercut their own group's newspaper report? Was this some bizarre decision to spin a damaging report (and if so, on whose prompting)? Or did it mean that nobody at Geo bothers to read even their own group's newspapers?

The sarcastic report continued to be broadcast all evening and soon other channels - such as Express - also picked up the thread and joined in. The next morning, Geo Super in its own sports headlines too began to attack Indian media for its biases and even showed the offending report in the Times of India (TOI, incidentally, the Jang Group's partner in the floundering Amn Ki Asha project).

A screen-grab of the Times of India report

The TOI report is actually a Press Trust of India (PTI) wire agency report. And then the penny dropped for me (only partially though, as you will see later). Illiterate oafs that Geo sports editors are, I surmised, they had obviously either not read Khalid Hussain's exclusive or failed to connect the fact that the PTI report was probably simply picking up the report in The News.

But there was a problem: even though the PTI report was obviously written more than 12 hours a day after Hussain's report was published, there were some discrepancies between the two reports. For one, the PTI report never cited The News' report as its source and, in fact, claimed slightly different 'facts' regarding Amir's alleged confession. In particular, the PTI report claimed Amir had confessed to Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) Chairman Ijaz Butt rather than one-day team captain Shahid Afridi and manager Yawar Saeed, as Hussain had written.

Here is the original PTI wire report with all its header info intact (which a source has kindly provided us):

SPORT-LD AAMIR(RPT)

Aamir's shocker: Butt lured me into spot-fixing, Saeed resigns

     Karachi, Sep 27 (PTI) Barely five days after the end of their scandal-hit tour of England, fresh turmoil today gripped the Pakistan cricket team with suspended pacer Mohammad Aamir's shocking revelation that he was lured into spot-fixing by Test skipper Salman Butt.

     On a day when team manager Yawar Saeed stepped down from his post, the Pakistan Cricket Board was left to do more firefighting in the spot-fixing scandal with the latest revelation.

     The 18-year-old left-arm pacer was suspended by the ICC for his alleged involvement in spot-fixing during the fourth Test against England at Lord's last month, along with Butt and Mohammad Asif.

     Sources in the PCB said Aamir had told chairman Ijaz Butt that he never wanted to be part of this "business" (spot fixing) but was forced into it by Butt and Asif.

     "Aamir had gone to Butt and claimed he was innocent and a victim of the "seniors power lobby" in the team," a source told PTI.

     But the PCB refuted the reports with legal adviser Tafazzul Rizvi saying that the implicated players continue to claim innocence.

     "All three boys have been saying all along that they did not do anything wrong and they stand by it. They claim innocence and complete innocence and nothing but innocence. We are holding our investigations back at the moment and we are waiting for the Scotland Yard's investigation report," he said.

     Another source revealed that Aamir, regarded as one of Pakistan cricket's most promising young talent, had told Saeed about the pressure being exerted on him by Butt.

     "Aamir's claim is that he just did what he was told to do. He is claiming innocence now and says he didn't even know Mazhar Majeed was introduced to him by Butt and Asif," the source said.

     Quite a few former Test captains, and even Pakistan's former President, Pervez Musharraf, have urged the ICC to show leniency towards Aamir, all of 18 and the quickest to take 50 wickets in Test cricket.

     But chief selector Mohsin Khan said that he didn't agree with the viewpoint that Aamir should be shown leniency because of his age.

     "I don't buy this argument because if you can do something wrong at 18, you can keep on doing it later as well. If these three players are found guilty they should be punished, including Aamir," Mohsin said.

     The chief selector insisted that no cricketer was indispensable and there should be no compromise on discipline and commitment towards your team and country.

     "Aamir must be punished if he is guilty. I just hope that that these three are eventually cleared because they have already damaged the reputation of Pakistan cricket and the country," Mohsin said. PTI CORR AH PM MRM PDS

09271847

First of all, note that the report was filed in the evening of September 27th (at 1847 hours, as evidenced from the filing time at the bottom), whereas Hussain's story was obviously written on September 26th 25th for it to be published on the morning of September 27th 26th. Mighty strange that a supposed exclusive appears on the wires more than a full day after an exclusive on the same exact subject appears in the national papers. Generally, wire agencies will not carry such a story as an exclusive if the news has already been broken earlier.

Secondly, note that whereas Khalid Hussain's piece cites specifics of Amir's confession, the PTI story does not and only cites "PCB sources", one of whom (the legal counsel) actually completely contradicts the assertions. As it is, the only possible sources of Hussain's story, as is obvious from the specifics of the report itself, could be only either Amir, Shahid Afridi or Yawar Saeed, which give it far more credibility. Our sources confirm that Hussain's source was, in fact, Afridi himself. The PTI story, on the other hand, seems to have been an unethical plagiarism of Hussain's story, further embellished and distorted to seem like an original piece of reporting.

But it gets far more interesting. Please note that the dateline on the PTI story is Karachi. That is to say, this report was not "concocted" in India, but rather written / "concocted" by PTI's correspondent in Karachi. So a Pakistani journalist actually wrote the PTI story but yet Geo attacked the Indian media for making up stories about Pakistan cricket. That's not the end of the bizarreness. According to our extremely well-informed sources, guess who moonlights as the PTI's sports correspondent in Karachi? The venerable sports reporter Waheed Khan, that's who.

 Waheed Khan on a Geo Super programme

Waheed Khan was not only Karachi sports editor Khalid Hussain's predecessor at The News but is also currently a senior staffer at Geo Super and apparently responsible for the content of Geo Super's bulletins. (Incidentally, Khan also covers sports for Reuters but the story never ran on that wire agency.) He is one of the 'big guns' of sports journalism in Pakistan and has done some stellar reporting work in the past, especially during the match-fixing saga of the 1990s. It seems, however, that this time his professional jealousy at Hussain's exclusive seems to have got the better of him. According to sources, he and Hussain are not on the best of terms either, mainly because Khan has been attempting to get a foothold again at The News as well, which would impact Hussain's position.

So, in effect, a Jang Group staffer first (surreptitiously) put out an "exclusive" that, in all probability, was simply an embellishment on another Jang Group staffer's real exclusive (even if it was not, it wasn't an exclusive by any stretch of the imagination since it had been beaten to the finish line by more than 24 hours). And when that faux exclusive was picked up in the most roundabout way by his own Jang Group organization (which obviously does not bother to read Jang Group newspapers), he helped or at least supervised its on-air demolition on Jang Group channels as an example of a fabricated story by Indian sources.

If that doesn't make your head spin, I don't know what will.

Just Not Cricket

So, yeah I've been watching the T20 Cricket World Cup in spite of myself and my perennial dismay at the depths the Pakistan team can sink to. Actually, I have been often caught between a desire to slash my wrists and the beginnings of an uncontrollable belly laugh. What can you say about a team whose getting through to the second round was contingent on Australia beating Bangladesh (!) - which, for a while last night almost looked like it incredibly might not happen. And which, when it did get through today, managed to do everything within its collective power to self-destruct by dropping not one, not two, not three, not even four but FIVE catches!

Meanwhile, its skipper, the redoubtable Mr. Boom Boom's explanation for the dismal showing bordered on the farcical. He said (and I quote from the Geo crawler): "I don't know why the fielding has been so poor." (This from the same responsible captain who assuaged everyone's fears that he would get out early by hitting one of his reckless shots by running himself out on the first ball he faced.) You moron! Have you considered the fact that it's because the team is full of other morons as well?

But am not here tonight to harp on the cricket, or what passes for the sport in this format of the game. (Really, what's the point?) Rather, I want to talk about what I have been fascinated by these last few days, i.e. the 'television' that surrounds the matches. (If you, like most people - though unlike Geo bigwigs - watch on Geo Super, you might refer to it as the Kurleez chips ads that are punctuated every once in while by the cricket.) I have a few general questions and observations regarding the programming and ads:


1. It is my considered opinion that everyone associated with Geo Super should be lined up and shot. Geo Super now runs ads not just between overs and after the fall of wickets and as overlays on the action, but also cuts away in between the successive deliveries of an over! (Can this be called grabbing viewers by the 'short and Kurleez'?) Where is the Supreme Court and its suo moto action when you need it? Does PEMRA have no mandate to safeguard the fundamental right of viewers not to have apoplectic fits of rage? Has greed driven everyone stark raving mad at the Jang Group? And if the marketing department at Geo thinks it's such hot shit, let's see the same thing on the rest of Geo's programming. I can just see it now: Kamran Khan asks a question of Babar Awan but before his guest answers, we cut away to a Bollocks Biscuits ad, only coming back once the reply is half-way through. Cooking oil ads between every news headline. A "Do the Dew" break every time Ansar Abbasi says "Dekhain" or Dr S&M opens his mouth. Ok, that last bit might actually improve the programming but you get idea. Let's see how that works for you Geo. I can guarantee the marketing department it will earn them lots of moolah. At least for a day.


2. Is there anything more moronic, unhinged and cruel than the current Mobilink Jazz series of ads in which a slew of celebrities from Shahid Afridi to Wasim Akram and Ali Zafar tell you at the end that you, the miserable viewer, should not watch the ad at the moment but the match? Yes. We. Would. If. Only. You. And. Geo Super. Would. Effing. Let. Us!


3. Has anyone else noticed the difference in the adverts on Geo Super and Star Cricket (the other channel beaming the Cup live that I am able to receive)? Geo Super beaming to Pakistan is all about the chips (Kurleez) , the biscuits (Bakeri Bistiks, Gluco, Chocolatto or something similarly crappy), the ice creams frozen desserts (Wall's Badami), the sodas (Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Coke, Sprite) and the mobile phone services (Zong, Jazz), along with some beard colouring (Just for Men), anti-dandruff shampoos (Clear, Head and Shoulders), shaving equipment (Gillette razors) and the odd HBL Easy Finance (probably to fund the snacks and the mobile bills). On the other hand, Star Cricket - beaming obviously mainly to the Indian market - is mostly all about sex and technology. Lustful women in skimpy clothing going bonkers over men's deodorants (Zatak) and men's hair gel (Set Wet), motorbikes that dump their riders to pick up hitchhikers in hot-pants (Bajaj?) and ferry horny men to their girlfriends at night (who cares?), internet and video on demand (Reliance Mobile) and 12-megapixel digital cameras in mobile phones. What are we to make of this? Is this the basic difference between Pakistan and India? We are hirsute, itchy, eat junk and talk non-stop; they strip, take high-resolution photos of themselves naked and put them on the net over a high-speed connection?


4. I know this is kind of a tangent but I have to ask: What on earth is that Mirage Insecticide ad all about? If you haven't seen it (though it's on whenever I switch on television), here is a summary: Woman sprays insecticide, man seems to orgasm breathing in the fumes, man tries to gather all the insecticide spray cans and mosquito coils in his arms, woman beams him on the head with a frying pan knocking him out, woman says proudly "Ab chalay ga mera raj!" while holding up a spray can. ... My questions are a) Is the man her husband or a thief? b) If he is a thief, is insecticide spray so expensive now that he would try and steal it and she would seek to protect it by using violence? c) If he is her husband, what is going on in their married life that she needs to wallop him one with a frying pan? d) Was the whole thing concocted so that the stupid pun (Mirage / Mera Raj) could be used? And if so, what were the creative geniuses at the advertising agency smoking?





5. Geo Super's studio set for the T20 World Cup consists of a backdrop designed like a funky comic-strip about cricket, in front of which sits the decidedly unfunky Yahya Al-Husseini (Geo's whiny sports correspondent) with his two cricketing experts, former skipper and wicket-keeper Moin Khan and former human Shoaib Akhtar. That would be all fine and well but for the fact that because of the strategic placement of the chairs, Yahya Al-Husseini seems to permanently have a dialogue balloon coming out of his head that reads "Oh my God, please help me!". Meanwhile, whenever they cut to a single shot of the Rawalpindi Genital Warts Express, he has a box next to his head that reads "Clap!". My question is, could this be deliberate? Could someone at Geo really have a sense of humour? Would we need to reassess our opinion of Geo if that is the case?


6. And finally, see the following video / extended commercial for Pepsi that serves as the pep rally for the Pakistan cricket team at the T20 World Cup (fat lot of good it's doing them!):




Ok so it's all very pseudo-uplifting, despite the irritating mispronunciation of 'azm' as 'azzam' and its OTT macho sentiment where women exist merely to support and admire their men and any other random boys who happen to pass by. But here are my queries and observations about it:

a.) At 0:23: Since the shirt was packed away in a bag, why is it all dusty? Did a can of talcum powder explode inside? And carrying forward the metaphor for our cricketing glory (which this dusty shirt obviously is), wouldn't it have been better to have utilized the time since 1992 (by the way, we did win the T20 World Cup in 2009, in case anyone cares to remember) to actually train and practice, rather than expect glory to suddenly come springing out of a bag? We certainly could have used some catching practice for one.

b) At 0:30: When the girl shakes her head at the silly dreamworld of her brother / boyfriend / husband, does she not perfectly reflect the entire disgruntled country? No wonder she seemed happier in the condom ad.

c) At 0:56, 1:46 and 2:50: Where is Mehreen Raheel planning to hold up these signs that she's making? She's certainly not in the West Indies for sure and she never actually goes to any stadium. And if she plans on holding them up while watching television in her tv lounge, how sorry is her life? Also, is it just me or did anyone else keep wondering why she was making a placard that read "CHAR JAO" - I know now that it's just a badly drawn 'A' at the end, but can you imagine explaining that to a bunch of rowdy laundas if she ever actually managed to take the sign out in a public stadium?

d) At 2:32: Was the only reason to include a tennis player in this video because Pepsi has also signed up Aisam ul Haq? Because, you know, there's a bunch of other dedicated sportsfolk in Pakistan too. And isn't the shot of him sitting in isolation at 2:41 an apt reflection of how little appreciation they get unless they jump on the cricket bandwagon?

e) At 3:12: Curiously, all the shirts being beaten during the wash at the dhobi ghat (See? All classes are passionate about the game, the affluent get to wear the shirts, the poor wash them) are blue. Is this a subliminal message about the blue-shirted team?

'Come and see us at the dhobi ghat'

If anyone has any answers, would be happy to hear them. Personally, as far as the World Cup is concerned, the Super Eights stage may not be a sudden death round, but I think that just means our team's demise will be long and excruciatingly drawn out.

Kaminey! - Updates

Precisely as I feared in my earlier post. Sigh!

This from Dawn on January 21.

Cable operators to boycott IPL telecast

Thursday, 21 Jan, 2010

        

LAHORE: As the Indian Premier League (IPL) controversy deepens, cable operators on Thursday announced a ban on the telecast of IPL matches.

 

Heeding a call by the sports minister, the Cable Operators Association of Pakistan (CAP) announced a boycott of the telecast of all the IPL matches after none of the Pakistani players were selected for the league.

 

The announcement was made at a press conference in Lahore.

 

Addressing the conference, CAP President Captain Retd. Jabbar Ahmad said that the association condemned the attitude of Indian Cricket Board.

 

He said that the decision was taken in a meeting of the cable operators association and it will be implemented across the country.

In addition to this reaction (how will Geo Super deal with this?), so far, there have been calls for banning Indian films in Pakistani cinemas once again (a real case of cutting off the nose to spite the face, if it happens, in my opinion), a parliamentary delegation has cancelled its plans to visit Delhi and the government had stopped the Election Commission from sending some of its officials to meet with their respected counterparts in India. As I predicted, madness now rules.

Kaminey!

Am(a)n Ki Asha, my ass. After seeing what happened with the Pakistani players in the Indian Premier League (IPL) auction today, rather than the Gulzar-penned, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan-sung "Sur Bulaatay Hain", here's what the theme song for Indo-Pak relations really should be:



But let's backtrack. It would do well to remember that the Pakistan T20 team is the reigning World Champions and the #1 ranked team on the planet. Forget about proper cricket, like Test and even one-day, as far as the T20 format is concerned, we have the players everyone wants to see. Game-changing short format players like Shahid Afridi,  Umar Gul, Kamran Akmal and Rana Naveed, to say nothing of explosive upcoming talents such as Umar Akmal and Mohammad Aamer that have drawn praise from every commentator in the world. So what happens when they are put up for auction at the IPL? No bids. Nada. Not for a single one out of 11 Pakistani players up for grabs.

Shahid Afridi: "The best T20 player" not good enough for IPL

A bit strange? You think? Remember these are the same "franchises" that were falling over themselves two years ago for prima donnas like Shoaib Akhtar (Kolkata Knight Riders) and even relying heavily on workhorses like Sohail Tanveer (Rajasthan Royals). Yes, the recession has hit even the IPL and only 11 of the 66 players on offer were signed up, but compare the players on offer from Pakistan with the players actually signed up:

- Kieron Pollard (WIS) to Mumbai Indians for 750,000 dollars

- Shane Bond (NZL) to Kolkata Knight Riders for 750,000 dollars

- Kemar Roach (WIS) to Deccan Chargers for 720,000 dollars

- Wayne Parnell (RSA) to Delhi Daredevils for 610,000 dollars

- Mohammad Kaif (IND) to Kings XI Punjab for 250,000 dollars.

- Eoin Morgan (ENG) to Bangalore Royal Challengers for 220,000 dollars

- Damien Martyn (AUS) to Rajasthan Royals for 100,000 dollars

- Justin Kemp (RSA) to Chennai Super Kings for 100,000 dollars

- Thissara Perera (SRI) to Chennai Super Kings for 50,000 dollars

- Adam Voges (AUS) to Rajasthan Royals for 50,000 dollars

- Yusuf Abdulla (RSA) to Kings XI Punjab for 50,000 dollars.

Aside from three or perhaps four, the others are either retired, semi-retired, or relative unknowns. To add insult to injury, this is how IPL Slimebag-in-Chief Lalit Modi explains the lack of a single bid for Pakistani players:

"There were so many players left out in the auction and each team had its own strategy. I have no reason to believe there could be any other reason," Modi said. "Availability of the players was a key issue with the franchisees without doubt," he said.

Oh come on! Strategy? Availability? No other reason? At least admit that you told the team owners that they would pick Pakistani players at their own risk because the Indian government might not give them clearance at the last minute. I'd rather have your bigotry than your doublespeak!

Lalit Modi: slimebag extraordinaire

But here's what I really think about this whole sordid business: it may be, unintentionally, the best thing to happen to Pakistan cricket. For one, it may get our stupid, stupid cricketers mind off the money-making T20 format and let them focus on getting their cricketing basics sorted out. Secondly, it may wake up the sleeping Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) into setting its own house in order and stop relying on tournaments like IPL for reflected glory. (Wishful thinking, I know, but what's the harm in hoping for miracles?) And finally, I think the under-performing and overpaid Pakistani cricketers really do not deserve a high after their crap performances Down Under.

As for Modi and his double-speaking compatriots, I hope they get the IPL they deserve. They've probably lost out on most Australians thanks to Bal Thackeray's threats. Most of the better English players have stayed away because of other cricketing commitments. By excluding Pakistani stars in this way - a decision that is sure to haunt them politically - the IPL may well end up with viewership like any other domestic tournament. I guess Shah Rukh Khan, Preity Zinta and Shilpa Shetty will really have their work cut out for them.

The question remains, however, will Geo Super back out of broadcasting a tournament that has made Pakistanis so pissed off?


Addendum-That-Should-Have-Been-Part-of-the-Post:

Actually, this should have been part of what I wrote earlier, since it was basically why I referenced Am(a)n Ki Asha in the beginning, and I have been reminded of the need to clarify this after a comment in the responses. (What can I say? It was late and I was pissed off AND sleepy...)

Basically, what has pissed me off the most about the Indian treatment of Pakistani cricketers is precisely the fact that it has probably strengthened the hands of the hyper-nationalist nutters on both sides and that an excellent opportunity to move things along on the path to normalization of relations between India and Pakistan has been squandered. The disdainful treatment meted out to Shahid Afridi et al will reinforce the opinion in Pakistan that the Indians are out to humiliate and isolate Pakistan any which way they can and that the Indian establishment is not really serious about even rebuilding cordial relations, leave alone dealing with outstanding issues like Kashmir, water etc. Liberal Indians may dispute this but that is how things will be perceived in Pakistan. And the only ones to benefit will be those out to sabotage relations in the first place. Particularly sad considering that Indians never tire of lecturing Pakistanis about the need for regional cooperation and good neighbourly behaviour.

Stuff We Never Got Round To

Okay folks, have been trying to remember all the bits and pieces I wanted to blog about over the last couple of weeks but which I never got round to... I really should write them down immediately. In any case, here are the few I do remember...

First off, it was Dawn's fairly good exclusive interview with President Barrack Obama. (For some strange reason it is inaccessible at this time on Dawn but here's the full text of the interview.)

Yes, the interview was pretty good, dealing as it did with wide-ranging topics such as drones, the war on terror, Pakistan's economy, military and his ability to make a mean qeema and daal. But was it just me, or did anyone else find the front-page banner heading to that interview a bit strange? This was the heading:

"Beat extremists you can, says Obama"

Is he, like, our Yoda to Zardari's Luke Skywalker? I mean, he didn't actually use that phrasing in the interview so one would have to assume this is Dawn's interpretation of our intergalactic struggle.

The second thing is something that really sent my blood pressure rocketing. Who else, but Amir Liaquat in Aalim Online on June 24, celebrating (yes, you read that right: celebrating!) Ali Haider's renunciation of music and acting. I mean, is there no end to the schizophrenia of the Pakistani nation?! Or at least of Geo, which provides this madman the platform to hold forth at direct odds with Geo's supposed own policy of promoting an enlightened (i.e. non-Taliban) version of religion?

You can see the programme in three parts, here (part 1), here (part 2), and here (part 3). (Thanks to vidpk.com.)

The first part begins with ALH holding forth against the Pakistan government, people and media for not using the appellation "shaheed" for those killed in drone attacks, who have been killed by the forces of "yahood o nassara" (Jews and Christians)... watch it if you have the stomach for conspiracy theories (I found it offensive apologia in the extreme, couched in the usual verbal gymnastics of the manipulative mullah) or you can forward to around 09:00 when he turns his attention to Ali Haider. Don't miss, however, his bubbling over excitement at Ali Haider's renunciation of showbiz and the effusive call-ins and texts congratulating the singer/actor. Truly, perhaps Pakistan does deserve the Taliban.

In the beginning, Ali Haider claims it's the despondency at the current state of affairs that made him want not to sing any more. Of course, that did not satisfy the madman. He keeps prodding him to admit that he's done this because of the "nur" (enlightenment for you angrezes) filling his heart. When Ali Haider tells a caller (at 16:00 in the first part, continuing on in part 2) that he is not immediately going to start performing hamds and naats, the madman interjects that "yeh kehna chahiye ke abhi tau aap wazoo karein gay, uss ke baad mussallay pe kharray hon gay" (one should say, you will first do the ritual washing up, then stand on the prayer mat)... Eventually, he even expresses the hope (around 9:00 in part 3) that Ali's Haider's divorce (from showbiz) is permanent, not temporary.

Ali Haider may be one more confused soul following in the confused steps of Junaid Jamshed. But what do we make of Geo and it's schizophrenia? Jiyo tau aisay bhi? As for the fake-doctor-turned-madman, can no one rid us of this insufferable fellow?

The T20 final as NOT seen on Geo Super

The third thing I wanted to blog about was what a little (absolutely credible) birdie told me and relates once again to Geo's hypocrisy. While all of us were forced to watch the T20 World Cup only on Geo Super and subjected to the abominable Mr. Jeem's intrusions into the play (irritating choruses of "Jiyo tau aisay" breaking out at every bloody boundary, break-aways for commercials often before the last ball had been bowled in an over), guess where the top management of Geo watched the final? Not on Geo Super you can bet your ass!

Apparently the entire top management of the Jang Group (including owner Mir Ibrahimur Rehman (MIR, son of CEO MSR), Geo president Imran Aslam, Managing Director of Jang Group Shahrukh Hasan, Marketing Director Sarmed Ali et al, collected together at the Defence Karachi entertainment space Area 51 along with the other Geo staffers to enjoy the final between Pakistan and Sri Lanka on... South Africa's SuperSport channel, considered illegal in Pakistan and pointedly banned through Geo's efforts on cable across Pakistan during the World Cup.

No wonder, they could not fathom why Mr. Jeem was Hate Figure No. 1 across Pakistan the next day.