Land of Confusion

Tonight I attended the Shanaakht [Identity] festival going on for the last three days in Karachi. A truly commendable and well-organized event, the special attraction this evening was a musical evening dubbed "From Raag to Roll," which featured the following bands: Taal Krisma, Aunty Disco Project, Laal, Fuzon and Noori. Despite lows and highs in terms of music and performance, overall the extended concert was a refreshing throwback to the days when one worried more about the quality of music than the quality of security.

Then I came back to see Hamid Mir on Geo's Capital Talk programme (on repeat) trying his darnedest to get people in Charsadda and Peshawar to say that the bombings of their markets - which killed hundreds of people - was NOT the work of the Taliban (reason: of course, no Muslim, no Pakistani could ever do such things!) but of India's RAW, Israel's MOSSAD and USA's CIA (all without any proof by the way). By and large he was successful. Talk about living a delusion. I mean, not only was the Charsadda blast a suicide attack - try getting anyone to blow themselves up just for money - even the police is on record having said that they have traced the groups involved in the Peshawar Peepal Market blast, all of whom were paid by the Tehrik-e-Taliban. Nevertheless, Mr. Mir concluded his programme by claiming that he knew for certain that the blasts were engineered by RAW. It made me sick to my stomach. Nobody is saying one should discount the possibility of external agencies being involved. But at least present some evidence other than your soft spot for psychotic extremists when making such claims! It is this constant fallback on "outside hands" conspiracy theories propounded by the likes of Mirs in the media - without a shred of proof - that have led to this country being confused beyond belief.

I was sort of thinking I was better off listening to the musicians tonight - however baysura some of them are - until I chanced upon this from the New York Times. Could there be a more damning indictment of our "rocking" musicians??

Just listen to what the Zaid Hamid-inspired Ali Azmat and the gutless Noori have to say. Music "revolution" my ass. Perhaps we do deserve the Taliban after all.

Some Thing Is Up Imran Khan

Someone sent me this gem from today's The News.

Ok, I know one is not supposed to make fun of people's ailments but, actually, the opening line was just too funny to pass up.

Imran operated upon to remove intestinal obstruction

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

By Mumtaz Alvi

ISLAMABAD: Severe pain in Imran Khan’s intestine on Monday left the Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf office-bearers and workers in shock. 

For those who wonder why Imran has become is such a tight-ass, the reason is now obvious. It's the PTI groupies that are the main obstruction.

Picture of the Day

Consider opening an account here next time...!

Btw, skeptic that I am, I checked. There is actually a place by this name in Jharkand state. In fact, there is even an Upper and Lower Chutia. I have been ROFLMAO since.

Picture of the Day

How popular is the MQM in Baltistan? Take a look at this photo of its rally in Skardu, published on the front page of the daily Express on November 6, 2009... Some kind soul has taken a magnifying glass to it, helpfully pointing out where the services of Photoshop might have come in handy.


Even without this pointing out of the utility of the stamp tool in Photoshop, my first question about this photo might have been: does Skardu even have that many people? I mean, it's not Karachi, you know...

Now my question is this: With Sultan Lakhani about to bring out an English paper - called the Express Tribune - married to the International Herald Tribune, is this the sort of objective, unbiased journalism we can all look forward to?

Picture of the Day

This is a picture of the Westminster Bridge.

Now do you understand why Pakistani politicians keep harping about the "Westminster style of democracy"?

Sleazebag Flippancy of the Day

I have to say I am almost speechless.

Was watching a long wrap up report today on Geo News about Hillary Clinton's visit to Pakistan and her various engagements while here. And suddenly, over images of her visiting the Bari Imam (or was it Data Darbar) shrine - where she laid a ceremonial chadar and then paid her respects by raising her hands in 'dua' - the correspondent's commentary went something like:

Hillary at Iqbal's tomb: Not what I'm talking about

'Hillary Clinton ke shauhar Bill Clinton ne unn se Monica Lewinsky aur doosron ke saath bewafaii ki thi...unhon ne dua ki hogi ke woh raah-e-raast pe rahein.'

[Hillary Clinton's husband Bill Clinton was unfaithful to her with Monica Lewinsky and others. She probably prayed for him to remain on the straight and narrow.]

I mean, this is a SERIOUS news channel? Can Geo get any more sleazy and flippant?

Can't we pray that Rah-e-Nijaat rid us of such reporting too?

Update 1:

Thanks to Huma Imtiaz's diligence, below is the full report as seen on Geo. The bit about Bari Imam is at around 5:02 but there's another bit of speculation about Hillary's thoughts at Iqbal's tomb right before as well. The exact words of the commentary were (sorry for the rough memories earlier):

"Hillary, jin ke shauhar Monica Lewinsky se dost ban kar biwi se baywafaii kar chuke hain, yahaan Hillary ne haath baandh kar kayi ke nazdeek apnay shauhar ki hamaisha raah-e-raast par rehnay ki dua ki."

[Hillary, whose husband was unfaithful to his wife by pretending to be friends with Monica Lewinsky, in the presence of many, clasped her hands together and prayed for him to forever remain on the straight and narrow.]

Geo's Galling Gol

Geo tried once-again to be hip today. The results were predictably funny. (I was alerted to this by a forwarded text, so thanks to the writer!)

They ran a feature in their normal bulletin about the Asterix and Obelix comics turning 50. Of course, this being Geo, neither their scripters, editors or newsreaders had a clue about what they were talking about. Obviously getting a news feed from Reuters or AP is no guarantee of comprehension. So, even as Salman Hasan, the newsreader struggled to pronounce "Asterix", he announced that "Asterix comics ka markazi kirdar Gol aaj pachas baras ka ho gaya" [Gol, the central character in the Asterix comics has turned 50 today]. Gol, in case you're wondering, was obviously Gaul, as in ancient France.

I kept wondering what the original line in the English wire feed must have been for them to interpret the setting for the comics as the central character, which the series is named after. Then I came across this in the Guardian and it all made sense. The opening lines read:

"Asterix fever is hitting the French capital this week. As the doughty little Gaul and his man-mountain of a friend Obelix mark their 50th birthday, the whole of Paris seems to be celebrating with them."

Trust Geo to have the gall to report a story they don't even understand.

We really should start a bloopers update about our media. We'd never run out of material!

Fatima Bhutto Goes Down the Slippery Slope, Sadly

Ok, so I have to admit I have always had a soft spot for Fatima Bhutto. Not only because of all that she has endured growing up and because she is easy on the eyes, but also because she is a fairly intelligent and sensitive young woman who has not let her personal tragedies and lineage turn her into some sort of caricature of an arrogant feudal or a bitter slave to dynastic politics, both of which things her background could easily have fostered in her. For the most part, she seemed also to have her head resting firmly on her shoulders.

Sure, she had her failings - for example when she wrote about her aunt with a little too much personal vitriol than necessary, or let her crafty feudal uncle Mumtaz use her to further his political goals, or wrote about her father Murtaza's untimely death when she was just 15 with all the objectivity that a young loving daughter can muster about a father - but one reasoned she was, after all, only in her early twenties still. One could forgive her her youthful passion and naivete. And most of all, because she kept insisting that she would rather write than enter politics as everyone assumed she would. The way she was built up as the next great white hope for Pakistan - mostly by Western journalists - was after all, a construction of their minds, not hers.

And now look what's happened to her. Like all people exposed too much, too soon in the media, Fatima has let the limelight bloat her head. One could see it coming for a while now, ever since she got her own column in The Daily Beast. Slowly, but surely, her heartfelt prose started giving way to rhetoric and political vitriol that made one really question whether it was political ambition that was driving her or a misguided sense of her own importance.

Unfortunately, this gradual deterioration has led to this latest piece, which not only overreaches in its flamboyant rhetoric - telling off Hillary Clinton for the Peshawar blast that  has claimed over 115 lives so far, and instructing her to go home, when most agree that whatever they may think of US policies, Hillary has taken great pains to add nuance to her interactions with Pakistanis - but also makes some truly egregious mistakes in its statement of facts. Does Fatima really believe what she has written? - in which case, one can question her understanding of matters - or has she deliberately spread untruths? - in which case, one can question why she gets to hold forth in places like The Daily Beast.

I will quote just three examples of "facts" that Fatima gets severely wrong.

1) About Waziristan, she writes:

"One week ago, the Pakistan army—aided by U.S. drone technology, no less—launched its offensive against the South Waziristan region, the new home of our fabled local Taliban. The Taliban moved there after last summer’s Swat offensive, which was declared a resounding success. So successful, apparently, that the militants were able to pack up and shuffle right into a new region of the country."

South Waziristan, the 'NEW' home of the Taliban??? They 'moved there after last summer's Swat offensive'??? The militants 'were able to pack up and shuffle right into a NEW region of the country??? I don't really know which world Fatima has been living in - perhaps access to news is difficult at 70 Clifton - but South Waziristan and North Waziristan have been the ORIGINAL home of the Taliban in Pakistan since 2002! For the record, the Pakistan Army first went in there in 2004 only to get beaten black and blue by the militants. It has long claimed that the linkages of most suicide attacks in Pakistan extend to the Waziristan region. The Swat Taliban - Fazlullah et al - were loosely allied with the Waziristani Tehrik-e-Taliban - i.e. Baitullah et al - but were distinct from them and if anything, it was Baitullah's fighters who were alleged to have infiltrated into Swat. Not the other way round.

2) About the NRO, she writes:

"During its one year in office, the Zardari government has passed two measly but scurrilous bills. The first, called the National Reconciliation Ordinance..."

Ok, Fatima, we KNOW you hate Zardari and we're not fond of him either. But out and out lies to bolster your argument are just pathetic. First of all, the number of bills passed by the government is certainly NOT "two measly" bills. I would be the last person to hold up Pakistani parliamentarians as a model of conscientious lawmakers, but hell, even the Finance Bill is a bill you know. All you had to do was go here to see what legislative business the current parliament has been involved in. But no, that would probably skewer your argument wouldn't it? Or is a little bit of conscientious research now passe for columnists?

To add stupidity to ignorance, you claim for your American audience that the bill "National Reconciliation Ordinance" - by the way, by definition an ordinance is not a bill - has been passed by Zardari's government. As any child in Pakistan knows from the endless stream of verbiage on television about it, the bill to make the NRO permanent is currently being debated in parliament, and there is no guarantee it will actually pass. Which by the way, is the hottest topic pertaining to Zardari's future, at the moment.

3) About the Kerry-Lugar Bill, she writes:

"The Kerry Lugar bill promises $1.5 billion a year (for “development”) but the fine print is a gift that keeps on taking. While Pakistan will be flush with development dollars, we will have to send the U.S. government detailed reports regarding our armed forces, including assessments of the civilian control of our very independent army, updates on our prevention of nuclear proliferation, and expertise and analysis of how much we have expanded or diminished our nuclear programs."

Ok, so Fatima, now you are really beginning to scare me. It would seem your source of news is Hamid Mir or Dr. Shahid Masood. How else to explain your parroting of the line put forward by the establishment? Personally, I don't think we should be taking on aid in the first place and that if you must beg, it is the donor's prerogative whatever conditions it wants to tack on. But leaving aside my personal opinion, the KLB is an AMERICAN law. The stipulations about "detailed reports" such as the ones you mention are for the US administration to provide to the US Congress, not for Pakistan to "send" to anyone. Of course, proper accountancy is called for from Pakistan - and why shouldn't it be? - but that is not what you have an issue with. I can even understand the establishment - read army - making up this myth, of Pakistan having to submit its internal policies for approval to the US, as a nice brick to beat Zardari on the head with, since it wants him out or at least neutered. What's your excuse as an "honest reporter"?

The point is this: If this is the credibility of her "facts", can one really trust Fatima Bhutto's analysis? It would be a good friend who could tell her to just stop writing for the time being. Then again, maybe politics is her thing.

Swine Whine

Wow! How time flies! Just realized it's been a full two weeks (!) since our last post! This is of course troubling, because it's not like NOTHING happened in this time or that we didn't WANT TO HOLD FORTH on something or the other. It's because all of us have been either too busy with all that's been going on OR just to damned lazy to write anything for the blog. We probably wrote about these things for our day jobs or satisfied ourselves by texting each other...And that dear readers is the problem with a format that asks for a lot of time but which is PERCEIVED to be a form of intellectual (or worse, emotional) masturbation... Then again, maybe it's just that it's not PAID - it's doubtful that our worthy contributing bloggers (myself included) would blow off writing if there was a deadline and financial compensation dangling at the end... Ah, well, it ain't changing, so there. I just thought I'd put this out there with the solemn promise to be a bit more diligent about posts.

In any case, here's what I came across this morning, which made my day. You have to LOVE the headline but I do think they may have it wrong. I think they may have tested not for the flu but for being a swine itself!

 

Narendra Modi tests positive for swine flu

30 Oct 2009, 1235 hrs IST, TNN

 AHMEDABAD: Gujarat chief minister Narendra Modi has tested positive for swine flu. The confirmation of the test carried out on Thursday was announced by the state government on Friday morning, sending a wave of panic among a group of top industrialists who accompanied him on a recent visit to Moscow.

The whole Gujarat cabinet is also now being tested for the disease as the ministers were with the chief minister in a three-hour cabinet meeting on Thursday after his blood samples were taken. One minister said: "He should not have taken the meeting if he was being suspected of having swine flu. He could have waited for the results of the test."

Reports about Modi having swine flu had started trickling in on Thursday evening. However, the government had refused to confirm it. Once the first test gave a positive result, another confirmatory test was carried out late on Thursday.

 The government has earlier tried to hide his identity and the sample was labelled with a different name- "Ramesh.".

 Modi, who returned on Wednesday, will be kept in isolation for seven days at his residence, where a team of doctors are attending on him.

 All his public functions have been cancelled.

News Media Trashing of the Day

How I wish there were a similar programme about Pakistani TV news! Watch this hilarious clip and tell me you didn't think of Geo!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
CNN Leaves It There
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

The Samaa of Another Bubble Bursting

So, apparently, the latest victim of the bursting media bubble is Samaa TV, which today sacked some half a dozen people, and rumours are rife within the channel that more pink slips are about to come. Ironically, many of those laid off today were refugees from DawnNews, i.e. they had been snapped up by Samaa when they were served their marching orders during DawnNews' scaling down spree a couple of months ago. Doesn't say much about Samaa's financial planning does it? Considering the fact that Samaa's owner, Accountant Zafar Siddiqui, has a reputation for such "spontaneous" decisions - he used to run the now defunct Telebiz before launching the CNBC franchise CNBC Pakistan and Samaa -it should hardly have come as a surprise though.

The buzz within the organization is that those who stay will also be asked to take a pay cut.

The news has followed the apparent demotion of Director News Amir Zia a few days ago. He was asked to move from Karachi to Islamabad as the Director Current Affairs. In his stead, ex-Dawn reporter Ehteshamuddin has been made the new in-charge of the News section. Meanwhile, according to reports, Server Moosavee, a director of commercials and music videos, has been annointed the new head of the channel. He was previously serving as adviser to Siddiqui. It's not clear whether former CEO Amir Jahangir has been replaced or Moosavee's position is a new one. Let's see how long that lasts.

Wanker of the Week

I have been meaning to do a proper post about the Kerry-Lugar bill and the nauseating media frenzy that's been whipped up about it, for a few days now, but just haven't found the time. I will, I will, I promise.

But in the meantime, I came across this bit of supreme wanking from Pakistani electronic media's Wanker-in-Chief, Zaid Hamid, and just had to share it. I mean, LOOK at this guy - red beret, photographer's jacket, scraggly beard - this guy must really think he's Pakistan's loony answer to Che or something.



But you have to have a strong stomach - or the absolute cluelessness of an Ali Azmat or whoever that bimbo is who's 'interviewing' him here on TV One - to listen to him. He begins by fabricating complete fiction about the bill - among his contentions is that the bill's wording includes that "those who love Pakistan should be removed from Pakistan's intelligence agencies." I mean, really?

He then goes on to call Pakistan's ambassador to the US, Hussain Haqqani, "Israel's ambassador", "Mir Jaafar", "Mir Sadiq", "beysharam" and "bayhaya". Ok, so I'm no fan of Haqqani, not by a long stretch, but hearing this from this lunatic, I almost feel inclined to support him. But Hussain Haqqani is only one of the targets. Others are the PML(N) - also "baysharam" - and the Awami National Party - which is warned to 'straighten itself out' ("hosh mein aa jayein") and 'stop operating at the behest of the CIA' or 'get a clobbering greater than what it has already endured from the Taliban' ("jo maar parri hai woh thorri hai"). Blackwater personnel, meanwhile, are apparently going to find themselves hanging from the trees very soon.

But my favourite bit is where he goes off about how "we, the patriotic people, are controlling things" and how the government's days are numbered. I personally think this madman's 'we' may simply be usage of the royal pronoun but, on the other hand, he may be letting slip who his backers are too. You might get further clues from who he thinks is the most patriotic organization in Pakistan...

The Wanker Guerrilla growls: "We are warning them, we are warning this government and the Americans... We will consider them traitors... It's a clear warning. Wake up!"

Which of course begs the question: who the F*** are you?!!

Editorial Makeovers in the Offing?

There are some very interesting things happening in the media sector, our moles are telling us... It would seem that some major upheavals are about to take place in the English language print media. Yes, there is a (rather large) world beyond what's happening at The Nation and the upcoming International Herald Tribune (Pakistan franchise) being put together by Sultan Lakhani.

First, that rather redundant paper known as the Daily Times, whose only utility as a second or third paper seems to be to let the world at large know about what the Taseers an their friends are up to.

It turns out that the ENTIRE SENIOR EDITORIAL STAFF has submitted their resignations, including founding editor Najam Sethi, Aaj Kal's (the Urdu version of the aforesaid Daily Times) editor Khalid Ahmed and News Editor Ejaz Haider. The apparent reason? Non-payment of salaries and running costs for over two months. It seems Governor Taseer has decided to stop throwing good money after bad investments. Even if they did provide his daughters free publicity for their jewellery and artistic ventures. On the other hand, perhaps daddy held back his money because he felt there wasn't enough coverage of his family in Sunday.

So where will the editorial staff go? Well, they always have The Friday Times

to fall back on, don't they. And at least Sethi and Haider (whose email chat status recently has been "Goodbye Daily Times") have built up a nice sideline with their television programmes on Dunya TV and DawnNews. We'll have to wait and see what happens to Daily Times though.

The other big shocker concerns that bastion of tradition and staid-ness, Dawn. Rumours are rife within the establishment that editor Abbas Nasir - who had come in as editor only just over three years ago after previous editor Saleem Asmi was laterally shifted - is getting ready to call it a day and go back to London with his family. You may recall that he was the South Asia head at the BBC in London before he shifted to Karachi for the Dawn assignment. This shift may happen as early as the end of the year or by the middle of next year and is apparently motivated purely by personal reasons, or so they say. Such a move would obviously mean that a search would begin once again - if it has not already - for a worthy successor for the most powerful job in English journalism in Pakistan. My money rides on Zaffar Abbas, currently Dawn's Resident Editor in Islamabad, moving into the position.

In any case, remember, you heard it here first.

Oh Dear! ... Then Again...

Chanced across this news on the MusicPakistan website, posted on September 20. I have no idea if it is true or not, but don't say you weren't warned. If Mohammad Asif flunks his return match today, we will all know what happened...

Here is the item, reproduced warts and all:

Veena follow Asif to South Africa

Lollywood actress Veena Malik has obtained South African visa and will leave for Johannesburg from Islamabad to meet pace maker Muhammad Asif, reliable sources reported on Friday in Lahore. The sources revealed that Veena was going to South Afria to meet Asif as the bowler was already there for the Champions' Trophy.

Love affair between Veena and Asif was started in December 2008. Veena rejected the claim that she ever tied the knot with Asif, when her ex-boyfriend Babarak Shah pursued them. The scandal was revealed in the country's newspapers.

The sources said Veena would set for South Africa on Sunday night. She would celebrate Muhammad Asif's return to the national team there.

When Veena contacted, she told that it's her right to go wherever she wanted and that it's her personal life and nobody had right to interfere in it. "South Africa is a beautiful country and she often visits the country", she added.

On the other hand, if Asif shines, perhaps that pro-sex dossier by the Indian coach / physio makes sense after all!

On a completely different note, here's my take on the whole thing, for what it's worth... Losing today's match to Australia may not be such a bad thing in my book, because it would put us in second position in our group. Which in turn means we would be playing New Zealand (who are on top in the other group) in the semis. Now, regardless of the injury problems facing the Kiwis, if you recall, both times that we have won the World Cup (1992, T20 in 2009) we have faced New Zealand in the semis.

I just think it would be a good sign.

Eyes Wide Open

So, once again we've all disappeared for a bit. Eid and all that...

Just wanted to share this story from Dawn's Business pages with everyone, which certainly made MY eyes pop. It's worth reading.

Here is what it basically reports:

"A foreign-sponsored local bank has called shareholders to an extraordinary general meeting on Oct 19 at which Item three on the agenda would be of interest.

It seeks to obtain shareholders’ approval of remuneration to be paid to non-executive directors of the bank’s board for attending board meetings and its committee meetings.

Some market watchers believe that the proposed scale of the sitting fees of directors is preposterous. Chairman and deputy chairman (DC) would receive a packet of US$25,000 per meeting, while other members on the board would be handed down $10,000 for every time the board meets.

Converted at Rs82.85 to a dollar, chairman and DC would receive Rs2 million and other members on the board Rs0.8 million per head.

The board meets on an average five times a year, so that the directors would be able to reward themselves with Rs10 million for the top two men and four million for each of the other six non-executive directors."

For readers' information, the bank Dawn was too coy to name, is UBL.

Now go back and read it again. Or actually go and read the whole story, which puts things into more perspective. As a further reference, let me point out that an entity such as Sui Southern Gas Company pays its non-executive directors an honorarium of around Rs. 10,000 - 15,000 for their time, per meeting. Which seems fair enough since the board members are not really employees of the company.

And you thought all that "excessive emoluments" category was limited to the AIGs and Lehman Brothers of this world. Of course, Junaid Jamshed will probably say these rates were fixed by the morning angel and this is the way Allah meant it to be.

Junaid Jamshed Needs a Commitment ...To A Mental Asylum

First of all, a big shout-out to Tazeen who wrote an excellent post on her blog about that neanderthal proto-Talib Junaid Jamshed and what he said on that charlatan Aamir Liaquat Hussain (aka 'Dr' Evil)'s show Jaahil Online... er, Aalim Online.

You really should read the post and see the video of the show yourself, available thanks to vidpk. But basically, this is what Mullah JJ had to say about the tragic incident in Karachi wherein 19 women queuing up for free food rations lost their lives in stampede:

1. Allah has created the poor (and a few rich people) and that's the way it's meant to be
2. The poor should not complain and should show patience, even if it means starving
3. These women died because they had lost their faith in God and Islam
4. The biggest problem in Pakistan is that the poor have lost their faith
5. It's better to starve to death than lose your self-dignity

Of course, Mullah JJ can say all this because the closest he's ever been to poor people is when they irritate him by knocking on his car window, as he himself admits. And of course, the call by the rich (after all Mullah JJ is rolling in millions from his Vital Signs days, his clothing line and from doing the odd endorsement of Lays chips) for the poor to not become a nuisance, to accept the social and economic status quo as God-ordained, is nothing new. The Vatican had followed the same line for centuries in support of monarchs and emperors, which is why "liberation theology" that sprang out of socially left-wing clergy in Latin America was (and is) considered almost heretical. But it's interesting to see the Tableeghi Jamaat (of which Mullah JJ is an avid proponent) come full circle from the revolutionary interventions of Muslim scholars like Ali Shariati and Mohammad Iqbal and proclaim the same hackneyed principles of economic status quo so publicly. Mullah JJ is of course no Iqbal who had proclaimed:

"Jiss khait se dehqaan ko moyassar ho na rozi

Uss khait ke har khosha-e-gundum ko jala do"

[The land that does not feed its farmer / Burn every sheaf of wheat in that land]

It's highly unlikely that Mullah JJ has even read anything other than the washing instructions on his over-priced clothes. But what is particularly galling about this insensitive, arrogant wanker (man would be too dignifying for him) is that these women were not even protesting dire economic conditions, which Mullah JJ obviously does not like (the protesting, that is, not the dire economic conditions). They were simply trying to survive as best as they can in a time of rising inflation and unemployment.

But I don't really want to repeat what Tazeen has already eloquently written about. What I wanted to point out was something else Mullah JJ said, further on in the clip, which left me even more dumbfounded and is solid proof, if any were needed, that this idiot needs to have a straitjacket slapped on him and led gently into the confines of a padded room. This bit comes in around 22:45 on the clip and I am reproducing it verbatim here:

"Mehngai insaanon ki wajah se nahin aati. Subah ke waqt aik fareshta aata hai aur aa kar ailaan karta hai, aur..aur..chawal ke danay se le kar tael ke saaray nirkh tae kar ke jaata hai. Ab laga lo jo aap ne karna hai aap ne, jitni stock marketing mein karna hai, yeh karna hai, woh karna hai, jitni aqlain lagani hain laga lo. Bula lo finance minister ko bhi aur falaanay minister ko bhi aur uss minister ko bhi. Koi kuchh nahin kar sakta. Jab loag farmabardar ho jaatay hain tau Allah ta'ala ki taraf se moafaqat ke faislay hotay hain oopar se."

[Inflation is not caused by human beings. In the morning an angel arrives and announces the rates for everything from rice to cooking oil. Now, you can do what you will, try what you will, in the stock market or wherever. You an call the finance minister, or this or that minister, nobody can do anything. It is only when people become obedient that Allah takes decisions in their favour.]

Un-effing-believable. Not only that there are people still out there who actually believe in such  dangerous hocus pocus (dangerous because it chooses to ignore the real reasons of deprivation and hunger) but that they are provided a platform on prime time television to spout their baloney. (I suppose the angel also announces the Rs. 2000 pricetag for each Mullah JJ kurta as well!) One can only marvel at Geo which obvioulsy was not content with sharing the mealy-mouthed inanities of Dr Evil with the Pakistani public but felt there was some lunacy void in the programme that needed to be filled.

On  a final note (and as an eloquent response to Mullah JJ's theories of economics) I just want to share these lines from sufi Baba Bulleh Shah that were quoted by Jang columnist Munnoo Bhai in today's column:

Dekh O Bandeya

Asmaanan te ud-day panchhi

Dekh te sahi ki karday neen

Na o karday rizq zakheera

Na o bhukkay marday neen

Kadi kissi ne pankh pakhero

Bhukkay marday dekhay neen?

Banda ee karda ai rizq zakheera

Banday ee bhukkay marday neen.

[See, O Humans]

[The birds flying high in the skies

Just see what they do

Neither do they hoard their food

Nor do they starving die

Has anyone ever seen

Birds dying of hunger?

It's humans who hoard

And humans who of hunger die.]

Perhaps Mullah JJ can be provided some music of the same in his padded cell.

Civil Society... Not!

I don't even know what to say... On Javed Chaudhry's usually boring-as-hell show on Express 24/7 yesterday, PPP's Firdous Ashiq Awan implies PML(Q)'s Kashmala Tariq is from Heera Mandi and has bed-hopped her way into the parliament... all while the host and the new editor of The Nation, Shireen Mazari, look on stunned. Can't say I blame them.



Eegad! And we thought the blog comments on the Arif Nizami episode were veering into uncivil territory!

Meera and the Media

I was planning on writing something about the despicable hypocrisy and shallow classism of the media's handling of the Meera controversy, where the Pakistani actress' personal troubles with a man alleging to be her husband have become fodder for regular, snide reports on television. But Faiza S. Khan has beaten me to it on an Indian web magazine, so I will just reproduce it below.

But before you read Faiza's analysis (which I happen to agree with), do also take a look at some examples of what I am talking about.

Here's Geo's 'news report' giving its "unbiased" opinion on the developments of the Meera story:




Here's Geo showing its professional ethics by not only continuing to film after the subject (that would be Meera in this case) specifically asked for the cameras to be turned off, but then broadcasting the unauthorized footage:




Now, this is hardly the entire story. Geo's anchors have been the worst (unfortunately, I could not find the clips of the anchors' comments on youtube), using language and innuendo hardly appropriate for news presenters and offering their unsolicitied personal opinions on the issue, usually to make fun of Meera. Among the lines I have personally heard used in the headlines (Headlines!) are "Bakray ki maan kab tak khair manaye gi" ('How long can the lamb escape slaughter', announcing the discovery of the alleged nikahkhwaan) and "Urdu tak tau baat saheeh thi lekin Angraizi mein train pathri se uttar gayi" ('Matters were all right in Urdu, but English derailed the train', announcing Meera's statement to reporters outside the court). In other instances, channels have used the song "Jhoot Bolay Kawwa Kaatay" as theme music for their segments on Meera, and even implied that her protestations about the matter are just a big drama.

The question here is not whether Meera is being truthful or being disingenuous or even of her "moral integrity." The question is one simply of why the media has chosen to relentlessly attack her, sometimes for her alleged crime,  sometimes her personal morality, sometimes her language skills, and sometimes her "bold" scenes in films across the border. Could it be, simply, that Meera is a 'soft' target without power and influence? One who can be counted on not to be able to strike back, legally or otherwise?

One may well question the media wolf-pack whether they have ever been as biting on television about illustrious politicians, military generals or other public figures with far more egregious personal lives (I can think of many, many who have led far more scandalous lives but who receive utmost respect on our channels!). Or would they think it's fair game if they themselves - as public figures - were ridiculed and mocked in the same way for any of their indiscretions? What do you think, macho-man Javed Iqbal? I'd like to hear you speak some proper English myself.

In any case, on to Faiza's analysis:

A Girl Called Meera

By Faiza S. Khan

Meera’s story challenges the hypocrisies of the liberal-minded swish set in exactly the same way as Rakhi Sawant’s does.

News on the drawing room circuit this week revolves around the private life of a local media personality: the statuesque, achingly beautiful actress Meera, who, like Cher, goes by just the one name. Meera is a Lollywood film star, in so much as one can be a Lollywood film star. The Lahore-based Pakistan film industry hasn’t enjoyed anything resembling brisk trade since the ’80s and hasn’t seen quality cinema since the ’70s. Currently, a percentage of their talent is culled from sex workers. In an odd reversal, if you’re going to find successful actors and thoughtful directors, it’s most likely to be on television. Meera’s tried her luck that side of the border (where film sets are paved with milk and honey) but so far it’s come to naught. Well, almost naught. She was picked up by Mahesh Bhatt (for a movie, I hasten to add) in 2005. Her controversial kiss with co-star Ashmit Patel in Soni Razdan’s steamy Nazar made it to the international press due to the now customary death threats from lunatic extremists. While it remains unconfirmed, there are suspicions that some of the threats may have come from film-goers irked at having spent good money on a clumsy remake of The Eyes of Laura Mars.

It doesn’t really matter that the film was a turkey; Meera is not known for her acting and draws a sizeable income from advertising campaigns and personal appearances. She is known by the in-crowd primarily for her novel use of the English language. ‘Meera-isms’ regularly circulate at parties, a running joke being the time when she was asked what her favourite feature was and replied, ‘my ass’, obviously meaning her eyes, Meera announcing she has a headache in her stomach, and so forth. That she largely works in Pakistan and is fluent in both Punjabi and Urdu makes no difference. And if it isn’t bad enough being tittered at by pretentious socialites (many of whom think ‘rocking’ is an adjective), for not having had the opportunity to attend a Grammar School, there’s the most recent scandal that shows up an even uglier quality in society at large.

The rumour, which in itself isn’t terribly interesting, involves a Dubai-based businessman claiming to be Meera’s husband, complete with photographs of what appears to be their nikkah, attempting to take possession of the house she lives in, which he alleges belongs to him. According to Meera, he has threatened her with physical harm. She has responded by swearing up and down that she has never been married and will tell anyone who’ll listen that an opportunistic plot has been cooked up to use her fame to seize her assets.

I don’t particularly care if it’s true or not; like I said, not very interesting. I am however taken aback by the utterly disgraceful treatment meted out to her by the media. She’s presented as comic relief, shown as an exhibit at a zoo, worse yet, a contestant on a reality show. She’s patronised by smirking, smug little news anchors, who appear to forget that they’re not in fact opinion-makers, closer to human teleprompters. She constantly confronts hostile questions, has been filmed secretly having an off-the-record conversation and the footage of her crying at a press conference has been set to a jaunty little tune on YouTube. A particularly nasty blog included the comment, ‘I feel so bad for that man. All these bazaari women marry men for their money.’ Ah yes, as opposed to all those eminently respectable girls from ‘good families’, well, obviously money has never crossed their noble minds, which is why we see so many of them eloping with the milkman for love.

All the liberals (and we have many who wouldn’t be considered broad-minded if there weren’t the Taliban as a point of comparison), fully cognizant of the fact that women are particularly at risk in Pakistan, are too busy sniggering up their sleeves to care. There’s a self-satisfied air in the re-telling of Meera’s misfortune, a sense of justice that an upstart of dodgy origins, who flaunts her new money and her outrageously large Versace glasses, should be brought down a peg. The unsubstantiated suggestion lingers that some of her newly acquired wealth may have come from the world’s oldest profession. Here’s the deal: you create a society where women are neither permitted nor equipped to make a substantial living, a society where, out of sheer politeness, you’re supposed to be born and die on the same social echelon. Then you hate people for finding ways around this.

You’d think a country aged 62, itself a parvenu in the global arena, would be more forgiving, perhaps even encouraging of social mobility. Apparently not.

Arif Nizami's Termination - Update 2

So yeah, while the mud keeps flying between the Majeed and Arif Nizami camps - apparently nowhere more so than right here in the comments section of this blog - here's what Dawn reported today:

Arif Nizami to launch newspaper

By Our Staff Reporter
Sunday, 13 Sep, 2009 | 05:45 AM PST

LAHORE, Sept 12: Arif Nizami, who was recently removed as the editor of The Nation, plans to bring out his own newspaper “within months” and hopes to promote professionalism in the media.

Talking to Dawn about his future plans, he said he was not a rich man but could count on friends to help him launch his paper. He described the project as “a moral obligation” since one of his aims was to provide jobs to all those colleagues who had resigned to protest his sacking.

“The unprecedented support that I have received in the last few days only goes to prove my professional credentials,” Mr Nizami told Dawn by telephone. “It is heartening to see so many professionals standing by me.”

Arif Nizami’s departure last week from the group that was synonymous with his name has led to a raging debate in journalistic circles all over Pakistan. He has been hailed as someone punished for his professionalism and alternately described as a victim of internal strife.

Mr Nizami himself blames his ouster on a combination of “professional and personal reasons”. “Professionally, the space for independent journalism was getting squeezed with time because of certain economic and unprofessional pressures.

“During the last three months of my tenure, I was under intense pressure to resign. I withstood the pressure because I believed that the demand was being made of me because of personal and not professional reasons,” he said.

I guess what is interesting in this report , beyond the actual announcement, is the fact that Dawn has broken it. Keep in mind that Arif Nizami was always close to Dawn CEO Hameed Haroon. As for Majeed Nizami, I'm not really sure who he's ever been close to, professionally speaking of course. Other than Nawaz Sharif of course. Hmmm.

It's not that I haven't enjoyed the back and forth between the two camps, obviously coming from people rather close to the main parties on both sides. (And who knew people were so eager to spill all the deep dark secrets of each others' personal lives.) But really, folks, a little civility to each other would not be an unreasonable demand.

By the way, for all those holding up Hameed Nizami as some sort of shining beacon, he may rightly be called one of the pioneers of journalism in Pakistan, but he was hardly either an upholder of progressive values or a champion for workers and the under-priveleged. His editorial line was exactly what is wrong with Pakistan today - hypernationalist, pro-establishment and right-wing. McCarthyist would not be an inappropriate appellation for him with regards to the left / liberal sections in Pakistan. And en masse lockout of workers protesting non-payment of salaries was fairly common during his days.

Just to set the perspective straight.

Incompetent Authority Ad of the Day

Have a look at this quarter page PAID paean in today's Dawn, from Sindh Minister for Local Government Agha Siraj Durrani to his boss, buddy and former jail-mate, President Asif Ali Zardari...

In case you can't read it, or have missed it, this is what the copy says:

"The leadership of Mr. Asif Ali Zardari has given a consistant (sic) solidarity (sic) and peaceful political system (sic) to the nation. He fought hard to defeat the dictatoriship (sic) and striyed (sic) to implement the demoratic (sic) systemi (sic) in the country. During the short period of 1 year (sic), he did his best efforts (sic) to eradicate mis-management, terrorism and economical (sic) crises across the country."

"Saluate (sic) to (sic) our Hero, to his dynamism and consistant (sic) nature."

Saluate to him indeed! I'm no longer upset that public money, OUR tax money, is once again being used for shameless, unnecessary chamchagiri. I'm just over the moon that, thank God, Mr Durrani did not mention his hero's achievements in education or in appointing competent ministers or proof-readers!